Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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How did I get here

avmom
avmom

I am sitting in a hotel room with my two kids and my 3 dogs as I am writing this out. I had to leave my house as I had so many viewing appointments this weekend and I was tired of driving aimlessly around with my family in the car. Who knew selling a house would be such a pain, as much as buying a house. My escrow should close in about a week and a half and the mortgage company now is giving me a hard time about the loan. All I can think about is "How did I get here". The answer is simple, my husband died and now I have to pick up the pieces and move on. Friday was my last day at work because I just can't think about moving and work at the same time. Sometimes I think I am crazy, I am trying to do all this and move 3,000 in time for my kids to be in school in under a month. I was wondering today if it had been me that passed instead of my husband how would he be handling it would he be making the same decisions I am? All I know is that I miss him, everyday and every hour. Even just looking at my dog makes me think of him because he adopted the dog especially for me. I never really understood loss before but now I know it all too well. 

Msbklyn
Msbklyn
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. Give yourself credit for doing each and everything small thing right now. I know for me I just tried to focus on each thing at each moment. I could not look at the big picture because I thought I would just shatter into pieces. Just one thing at a time each and every day and you will get there. Don't look past the moment and what you have to get done right now. Stay in the moment as much as you can and all of those moments will put you where you need to be. After 22 months and one week I'm still moving. Don't know how or why or even if I want to but each day I'm getting through. Sometimes I even can look further ahead now. Hang in there. God Bless. Marybeth
walker
walker
It is hard, but remember you are putting one foot in front of the other and making progress . You have made a plan for you and your children and you are emplemtimg that plan. Trust your judgement , and never forget a part of your husband is walking through this with you. You will make it.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
The term a day at a time is often not possible for us. It's more like moment by moment. You are the most important now. Let the sadness be and pamper yourself. Times will be hard, but you will make it. I understand how you feel, because I've been there. Hugs and prayers. Sharon
Javiero
Javiero
I have one strong believe that God has a plan for you and you will surly laugh after all this . I can feel your pain and you are such a wonderful woman . I have learnt something from you and i pray its gonna work for me either ... Stay strong ....
penpal
penpal
So sorry for your loss and what you are going thru now. You are very strong to have accomplished all of this while going thru what you are going thru. Stay strong not just for your children, but for yourself. It sounds like your husband was a caring person and he saw that strength in you when he decided to place an unwanted, downtrodden animal in your care. Knowing that, he wouldn't want you to give up. Think of his faith in you when you feel like you just can't do it, like you just can't go on. He knew you could. All of this, as hard as it seems right now, will soon pass and you will eventually get to someplace better again. Be strong and try to make good memories along the way so you can look back on this time with pride in yourself and no regrets. Don't be too hard on yourself either. You are doing the best you can and that is more important than giving up and not doing anything. Hugs
cgriff4ever
cgriff4ever
It's going to be hard, no getting over his passing. You will find that in time, going throught it is the only way to some sort of a happy existance. I am learning to enjoy life again, and begin by finding you in the mix. You will start doing things, because he wouldve wanted you to... then you will develop your own individual wants, loves, and desires. He would want you to continue to live, and not die within. I am almost 3 years from my husband passing. I have good days, but still have sad ones too. It's not that you become ok with his passing, you just learn to accept he is not here with you physically any longer. Much love, prayers, and big hugs carla
SandyZal
SandyZal
I just went through a similar thing. I packed up a huge house and huge barn in 30 days because the new buyer wanted to close on the house quickly. Well it's been two and a half months and we finally close today. I just couldn't be there anymore. Too many memories. I had to give up my dogs. They went to a good home but they probably miss him as much as I do. It seems like we are singled out by God to bear a special burden because our husbands died quickly. I don't have any great words of wisdom only my prayers are with you.