Oh my how I hear the hurt in your words. I think all of the feelings you are experiencing are so normal. I also feel anxious, unsure of decisions, wondering how to be happy? I think it is just so typical for all of us widows. We just want to fast forward and make it all go away. I know what you mean about wondering what happiness is going to look like? I wonder the same thing. There are fleeting moments of happiness but the feeling of it being long term seems to elude me. I think it is normal to always compare our future to our past. The truth is it will be very different. If we are fortunate to find happiness again, whatever that means to you, it will be in a different form. Trying to recoginze it and enjoy it will be the challenge.

I am sorry you are having a sad day and we are all allowed as many as we need. Those tears are healing in their own way.

Sending you warm hugs and may the good you have done for other's come back to you ten fold.

Robin

I hear you, Tracy, loud and clear. I don't have the answers. Along with aloneness is, now, the total awareness, and it's as hard a journey, in its own way, as it was in the beginning. Hugs to you, Marsha

Tracy - I can hear the sadness in your post, so I'm sending you hugs of comfort.
To answer the question "How Am I Suppsed to Feel?" ... however you dang well please!

I find that my new happiness comes from things I probably once took for granted. I think it helps me to keep my head above water.....things like....I didn't have to wait at the dentist office today....the warm fire in the fireplace....a hug from an 86 year old man (widower) who tells me I'm beautiful....I don't owe as much in taxes as I thought (that's a big WooHoo).

I'm getting better at being alone (actually I'm getting too good at it), but I still have moments of absolutely loneliness. That's when my best Scarlett O'Hara imitation comes in handy....."I'll think about it tomorrow, after all tomorrow is another day."

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace,
Cathy

All of the grief counselors
All of the grief counseling books
All of the well meaning true friends and family
All of the time that goes by
All of the tears shed
All of the steps forward
All of the words in the Bible

It still remains they are gone - too soon - too unexpected - too painful - and sometimes no matter what the time line you are supposed to be at
Today can be a sad day.

While its sad and lonely and painful Its still ok to have that feeling because its truth. I know GOD understands, your widowed girl friends, close family and people you have helped understand

SO I hope you can somehow feel this great big HUGE anyway through the computer airwaves...

Oh Tracy, I wish I had the words that would help your sadness. I really do. the question you ask. How are you supposed to feel? You are the only one who can answer that one, becuase we all go through this differently. We have a huge bond in that we all have lost the single most important person in our life, and getting through it, trying to get through it is all we can do. The feelings? The lonliness? And the biggest 'How do I share my life with another without dishonoring the one I loved and love still? I wish so much I could answer that.

For me I know it's the thing that holds me back, but also gives me the strength to move forward. The strength I take from his love is what helps me make it alone, everyday and everynight. It helps me live and do all the things I have to with the confidence that because he loved me I can do this, and it works.

Sharing life with someone else? I can do friends. I have no problems with that, but relationships? i feel the same as you. To share with someone else like I did with Greg? To KNOW it was OK to share ALL and be understood, and KNOW there was love in each and every answer? And now NOT to know ANYTHING? It's scary!!

I do have hope though. I have hope that when and if I do take that step, I will be able to know my mind, heart and soul, and know that Greg is cheering me on to have a life. A life with love, and happiness, and the wisdom to know that if I never do find it, I'm STILL ok on my own, and I'll be content with myself. Hopefully I'll have room for something more. something differen, yest, but something more. And know that if that happens, if I am lucky enough for it to happen, that is the hbigest honor I can give. After losing the love of my life. And the pain that comes at losing them, To take another leap and love again.

This post made me think, and made my heart break for you, and for all of us. May we all be able to find what we are looking for, no matter what that is, and be aHAPPY at just being, loving, laughing with whoever we are with be it family, friends or a significant other, and be OK with it inside OUR HEARTS. We KNOW what's in theirs,. They loved us, and wanted for US happiness.

Love, and BIG hugs to you, and hopes for HAPPY whatever that is.

Diane

You are suppose to feel just as you are. And know many of us feel just as you do.....

I hope you can feel the compassion we have for you on this sad day....and any day.

And I will always believe we will wonder why?....why it had to be our husband's? There is no answer....it unfortunately just is. My heart is hurting for you and I pray you find some solace in the kind words posted by your many friends here.

Tracy, I wish I could tell you, but you are the only one who knows exactly how you feel and why. You had such a strong bond with your husband that I can understand why is so hard to let go -- I'm having a difficult time letting go myself but I know that I must in order to heal. May god's love and light help you heal your broken heart. Hugs! Connie

I don't understand "letting go". Why do we have to "let go" in order to heal? I will never "let go" and I am healing. My husband was the most important thing in my life while he was here....and I don't ever want to "let go" of that. I have heard this term used before and maybe I am just misinterpeting it's meaning....or just don't understand what is meant by using it.

I understand what was in the past is no more, but it is what made me who I am....I can't just "let go" of that, but I can still have a future while cherishing the past.

Catherine, letting go of painful memories is key to healing. You will never let go of the love you had with your husband, it's part of who you are and I feel the same way -- But LOVE is not painful -- Love is timeless. But we are forced by circumstances, to let go of habits, lifestyle, routines, possessions, WHY? and all the pain that goes with it. Wether we want to or not our lives have changed for ever and letting go is part of the healing process and reconstruction of your new life. You may accept or reject this premise but it makes a whole lot of sense to me. Hugs! Connie

I am so sorry for your sad day, they happen to all of us even when we are doing the hard work of healing. From your posts that I have read since I came here in late December----you have helped me immensely and I appreciate everything you do here. You are feeling exactly how you should feel. I think we can still have a deep sadness and still be walking in healing. We have lost, as you said so well: sharing a life with someone I loved, who loved me...who had my back, who was there for me, who I was comfortable with----I can echo that back because though we weren't perfect----it was what we had also. I think it's quite reasonable to have sad days, questions, wonderings---we have faced unbelievably hard realities of life and we're MORE than still standing.
With understanding, Sal

Tracy I am sorry you are having a sad day. I have no answer for you as I have the same feelings. I keep busy, I have great friends and family and a very busy life, but underneath it all is still the reality that I am alone. I think we will always have our sad days and that is ok. We loved them.

Standing with you on your sad day, and reaching out my hand in understanding and care....many gentle hugs......

Yes Tracey I hear you as well. I believe we will always have those days and I am just hoping that they will start to get less and less. Our whole life had been shattered into a million pieces and it took years to build that wonderful life we had, so it will also take some time to heal it.
I feel your pain of not knowing what the future will hold for you, I too do not know but I am only taking it one day at a time for now and see what I want when I am ready.
Wishing you some peace and healing..................hugs

Every breath, every moment, every step, every hour, every day, we are supposed to feel exactly the way that we feel. We are the only us. We are the only one that walks in our shoes.

Others understand and have felt every feeling that we feel at some point, but our timeline is our own and is as unique and individual as a snowflake. Our grief is as individual and unique as a snowflake.

We all have all of the questions at different times and we really all just need a hug and support and a listening ear...but really none of us know...really know how each other should feel at any given moment. We only know how we feel and that is so helpful to know how each of us feels at any given moment.....but yeah...I'm sorry...I don't have the answers either.

I know it is all so hard and so confusing...

You have all of your answers within your own heart...and I know that you will find all of them through time...just trust your own heart every step of the way.

So, I'll just send you a big (((((hug))))).
-Diana

Tracy, you wrote the exact words to express my feelings as well. When I stay "busy" I don't think so much. But in my quiet times, I reflect on what has really happened in my life. When we looked into each other's eyes and said "I do." and "until death us do part", we didn't really think death would part us, or at least it was so far into the future we didn't have to think about it. It's almost as if saying WE will be together until WE die, like we're going to die together. How I wish in my heart we could have died together. Joe and I often thought if either of us was gravely ill, we would go to a high cliff and jump off together. That was a fantasy, of course. I watched him slip away in his hospital bed in our home. I just never dreamed this would happen. It does force us to re-evaluate the things in our lives. We become thankful for so many things we took for granted in the past. But life will NEVER be as happy as it was. I comfort myself with the thought that not everyone was as lucky as I, that I found the person who truly made me feel whole. That is gone, except for the memories. I try to recall the happy times as often as I can. On Dr. Oz's show the other day, it revealed that the more we think happy thoughts, our metabolism speeds up, helping us to work off some of those extra pounds we've gained. Stress inhibits metabolism. I try to remember that because my metabolism is way too slow. It helps. Anyway, Tracy, I feel your pain 100% and hope that it lessens quickly. That is all we can do is to live through it to a better place eventually. Best wishes and thanks for all your wonderful posts!