I agree about Sundays. The kids had something else going so I went by myself. Cried through the whole service. All I could think about was I didn't want to be a part of the "widows club" that was there. Missed my husband beside me, holding my hand. Came home cleaned the house, did the laundry and thought Sunday used to be our time together. Lots of tears today. If life was normal we would be on our way to Florida for the winter, now I can't hardly think about going. I am so lonely here, I can't imagine what it would be like there.

When does it get better is a good question. Some days are better and so I think I'm progressing. Then I'm alone in my house keeping the TV on just to have noise and distract myself and afraid that the pain will surface again. I keep getting disappointed all over again when I walk out on the back patio and he's not in his usual chair. He loved outdoors so he would sit outside until dark. I would go outside and we would have long talks. I think I miss that the most. I think when the pain comes back I just have to let the tears flow and get it out. I'm not sure but I've heard it's cleansing. I'm part of a great women's Sunday school & Bible study and I find it helps. They are so welcoming and give lots of hugs every time I show up. Sending lots of hugs over to you too. God bless!

So relate to what you are saying Stormee. I am coming up to the first anniversary and realising that the second year really isn't going to be any different. I have moved in this first year so am away from the stark memories of sitting on the veranda together, but do feel him still around me. Tears are cleansing and I certainly let mine flow. Take care xxx

No knight in shining armor showed up tonight to sweep me away, but I did have a lot of people pray for me tonight - and I felt renewed in my spirit. The sermon was about "waiting." I guess you can say I'm waiting. There's a "widows club" at my church too, but they don't include me, which is fine. There are at least four widows besides me, all younger. They pretend to be happy, but I don't believe they really are. Our two widowers are quite elderly. I suppose there may be a few more things I need to take care of before inviting someone else into my life. The widows books say we are to find ourselves, but by the time I find myself, I may be too old to care. Moving hasn't fixed everything for me, but it has kept me busy. I try to believe that God has a plan, maybe a new agenda for me, so I keep praying for direction. May God comfort all in this group.

I too keep the tv on for the noise, and yes sundays are one of the hardest times. we would take a nap on sunday afternoon and talk about our day. we got up at 4am for dialysis, I even miss that I would gladly do that again for the chance to have him back with me. (I'm not a morning person) every day is hard to face without him. I had taken a leave of absence for 1 year before he died. he didn't drive so I took him everywhere we went, doctors, dialysis out to eat, to church. I miss him so much