Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Normally when I dream about my boyfriend they're really comforting and its just like him being back but recently I've been having horrible dreams about him.
A few days ago I dreamt I was staying at his and I was about to get in the shower and I asked him for a towel, he stormed out the room shouting at me telling me to get one myself but I didnt know where they were as it wasn't his real house, he stormed upstairs and I followed with him still shouting at me and flinging stuff out his suitcase at me. It was horrible and I was crying and he was shouting at me for crying and told me to just go home. The thing was the whole time I was with him which was over a year and a half we never once argued, we'd bicker about silly little things, mainly food! But we never once had a serious argument where we fell out and upset each other. He never once shouted or got angry at me so why am I seeing him like this now in my dreams? where is it all coming from?
Last night I dreamt we were out but he just kept ignoring me, I was hidden under a table for some reason and he came passed asking everyone if they wanted a drink and he asked me, I tried to answer from under the table but no sound came so he was like fine ignore me.When we'd go out he'd never ignore me, I'm not saying we were attached to each others sides all night if we'd go out but he'd keep coming to check I was okay and to see if I wanted a drink or anything. I kept trying to talk to him but no sound came out but then next thing I knew I was sat on the sofa cuddled up on his chest with him smiling at me. It was such a confusing dream
i really don't understand. why am I seeing him as a nasty angry person in my dreams who ignores and upsets when he was the total opposite to that. He never once hurt me and the only thing he ever did to upset me was beyond his control and that was leaving me. I wish I could just go back to my nice dreams about him where its the real Matt, not the nasty made up horrible one. Has anyone else had experiences like this? Dreaming of their partner but then its not like the person they remember or am I just going mad
A few days ago I dreamt I was staying at his and I was about to get in the shower and I asked him for a towel, he stormed out the room shouting at me telling me to get one myself but I didnt know where they were as it wasn't his real house, he stormed upstairs and I followed with him still shouting at me and flinging stuff out his suitcase at me. It was horrible and I was crying and he was shouting at me for crying and told me to just go home. The thing was the whole time I was with him which was over a year and a half we never once argued, we'd bicker about silly little things, mainly food! But we never once had a serious argument where we fell out and upset each other. He never once shouted or got angry at me so why am I seeing him like this now in my dreams? where is it all coming from?
Last night I dreamt we were out but he just kept ignoring me, I was hidden under a table for some reason and he came passed asking everyone if they wanted a drink and he asked me, I tried to answer from under the table but no sound came so he was like fine ignore me.When we'd go out he'd never ignore me, I'm not saying we were attached to each others sides all night if we'd go out but he'd keep coming to check I was okay and to see if I wanted a drink or anything. I kept trying to talk to him but no sound came out but then next thing I knew I was sat on the sofa cuddled up on his chest with him smiling at me. It was such a confusing dream
i really don't understand. why am I seeing him as a nasty angry person in my dreams who ignores and upsets when he was the total opposite to that. He never once hurt me and the only thing he ever did to upset me was beyond his control and that was leaving me. I wish I could just go back to my nice dreams about him where its the real Matt, not the nasty made up horrible one. Has anyone else had experiences like this? Dreaming of their partner but then its not like the person they remember or am I just going mad
Hope it will get better.
Dreams mix the bits up a bit. I don't doubt you have had feelings of him leaving you that You are mad about(we all get mad at that at some point) That and it is so out of character for him...means it may be You, just upset being made to go it alone.
But they do fade, because right now our brain is fighting the heart at the stage you are at. Soon there will be no doubt for either. But we are here, since when that hits, it will be just as painful as the first moment he left. It is one of the biggest waves that will hit you.
As always my heart to you in this.
I am hoping for a good dream sometime that would be nice for a change.
All in all I thinks it is probably "normal" in this case. Best to you
Jeff
The most common dreams at this stage of grieving are of disputes and infidelity/abandonment. I dreamt that Cliff left me for another woman, that he didn't love me, and that he was ignoring me just as you dreamt. I would wake up sobbing my heart out. I hated those dreams!
I think it was about 3 or 4 months before I finally had the "good dream" where he was smiling and everything was okay. Nowawadays, he is a frequent visitor in my dreams, and it never like that. Instead, he is loving or it is just a mundane situation - a sort of everyday normal kind of thing. So it does get better.
You can try journaling your dreams as Marsha suggested. I did a lot of private journaling as well as journaling here at DS in the first couple of years. It seemed to help get it out of my system. I also had counseling which was a major help.
I hope you get some decent sleep and your dreams quieten down.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
They can be pretty damn ugly that's for sure ...
On dream I remember quite well was Bob banging on the front door holding divorce papers against the glass ...
He was accompanied by the husbands of 4 of my grief buddies ...
They were all dressed in golf clothing holding sports equipment: diving tanks, flippers, fishing rods & golf clubs ...
He said they were going to CA to go have fun & HE NEEDED ME TO SIGN THE DIVORCE PAPERS SO I'D GET OVER HIM & STOP GRIEVING!!! ...What an ass! Arrrrgh!
Acting like I was inconveniencing him or something! ...
I grabbed the golf clubs chased Bob & those guys down the road pitching golf clubs as I yelled & screamed at them that I was going to call their wives about their stupid idea ... Huff!
I did & they were none too happy, but we did have a good laugh about it ...
My grief buddies & I talked almost daily, so it wasn't uncommon for us to have dreams w/eachother's husbands in the them ...
The guys became buddies too ...
We're positive they all shared a man cave together ...
It was okay for us to joke & laugh together, but to have non-widow/ers do that was just not acceptable ...
I think we thought they would start to say far more impropriate things to us than they already were ...
Eventually, the dreams calmed down & Bob was far more comforting, but many times instead of sending me signs he seemed to have been too busy w/harp lessons ...
And I don't believe in angels ... *wink*
It does get better in time ...
Peace & Blessings ...