I'm glad you came here to share. We all so totally "get it". Things will even out in time. Like you, I didn't want to get drugs from the doctor to "help" me through this, so I just rolled with the punches as they came and in time, those times became less and less. It is a process..be kind and patient with yourself, come here as often as you need to. We've all been where you are now and we're here for you now. Blessings always. Sharon k.

I am so sorry, and I know how you feel. You are at an especially vunerable time frame from my experience.

It is ok to cry at everything. You have had a devastating loss. The nausea goes with it - lots of people here get that.

There's nothing wrong with taking something to help you cope, but only if that's what _you_ want. For me, and I have heard this from others here too, taking something didn't help, because it keeps you from going through your emotions and dealing with your grief. And then later in the process, if you find you need something you and your doctior can decide that together.

Don't be mad at yourself for being emotional. That's exactly what you need right now. If people have a hard time dealing with that, then they have the problem, not you.

Crying is normal and actually healing for the grief you are struggling with. It's been a very short time since your life has fallen apart and you have every right to be sad, angry, and devastated by your loss. It's unfair, I get that. We all know how you feel.

There are so many whys our brain can't focus. It's all part of the grieving we feel. In time you may feel like a doctor visit would be beneficial, but you will know instinctively that it's time. People who don't know what we are going through don't want us sad and unhappy. It's okay to let your emotions out. We're here and understand. Sharon

I'm at 10 months and I still cry. I thought I would dry up and blow away because of all the tears I cried. They are a natural process of grieving. I always found that I felt better after crying. I never took any medication. I felt like I needed to feel it all in order to get thru the grief. It hurts...emotionally and physically but, I just felt like I needed to feel the pain to get better. Today I do feel better...I still cry not as much and not as often. I miss Irvin terribly and the sadness is intense. I just have faith that I will survive and come out on the other side a better person. I am so thankful to DS..........many hugs to you, Colleen

Cry away!!!! I can wake up and feel like crying my eyes out or just plain mopey and sad. I don't want anyone to talk me out of it. Or suggest I try this or that or do this and the other! Morey was my partner for over 50 years......there's no way that I'm going to get past that relationship without a tear or two million!

All I can say is you're not alone!

Yes, you are not alone!! Crying is all part of the healing process. There are 5 stages to grieving and anger is one them. A totally normal emotion to go through after the loss of your husband. It is a real roller-coaster ride of emotions. Hang on tight and roll with them. You have everyone here on this site to help you as we are all on the same journey!!! Sending a big cyper hug!! Sue

No no honey you are not alone. I cried so hard yesterday I lost my breath, I was handing plates to the children at dinner time and sobbing my heart out uncontrollably I felt so terrible. My little six year old boy asked me if I missed Daddy. God bless them I had to excuse myself after I gave everyone their food so I could wash my face and gather myself just so I could get through dinner. Oh my poor babies.
This is just horrible that we all have this in common. We will just have to encourage one another in the valleys and plateaus and comfort one another as we are all invested in one another here, no one has an agenda and I continue to be amazed at the ability of my friends here to set aside their own pain and their own burdens to take time to encourage and love on others, to send messages, to sent love and hugs (which I have come to depend on) to remember names and what others are dealing with, details, etc
You just keep posting keep writing, reach out dear one as there is only love and support here.
I had a tough time yesterday myself and I'm attempting to have a better day today and I so very much wish you comfort and peace today as well.
Much love
Cindy

Thank you, everyone, so much for your words of encouragement. Today is a little better, but that's only because my stepsons' mom has been texting me and it makes me a little angry. That anger keeps my grief briefly at bay.

It's almost a year for me, next Thurs, and I have learned to welcome anger. As you stated it is a deterent from the sorrow.
I am so sorry for your loss and having to deal with that other person. I pray that things get better for you.
Hugs, Sandi

Tears help release toxins from your body and are needed at this time in your life. I felt the gut retching crying that brought on physical pain and I embraced it as the next time would be a little bit easier. I allowed myself time to sit on the sofa and cry . Full blown meltdowns Like an infested wound that needs to be drained, my body and my soul needed to cry . This did not happen right away as I had told Howie that I would be o.k. and was doing everything in my power to portray that I was o.k. I took care of myself, planned healthy meals, went to the gym, hired a personal trainer etc...Then when a letter from the funeral home came for bereavement sessions I signed up because that was another aspect of doing everything I could to " be o.k." there had been some crying prior but nothing like the dam that broke opened that first night of bereavement. It totally broke me and allowed me to start the grieving process in a challenging, painful but so needed way.
I had found this group from the get go but had not stuck with it . After the first bereavement sessions were over, needing to continue what I had learned from the group I came back here and the true healing that had begun continued.
Others are uncomfortable because they do not know what to say and do to help you so they say things that they think will benefit you. My mom was one of those person as she was worried that I would make myself sick. I told her that it was perfectly acceptable for me to cry and that it was needed and to support me . She did and acknowledged that she had no idea what I was going through.
Right now it probably feels like someone reached in and ripped most of your heart out , you are entitled to cry. I was told by a therapist that in the first 3 months, anything goes. You do what you need to do to keep living . I am sending you a virtual shoulder and surrounding you with hugs so that you may know that your grieve matters. XOXO

I am so sorry - unfortunately you are going to have those days. I am 11 weeks in and I can tell you, for me, and I think most people here, it's a real roller coaster. When Rich was in the hospital for those 10 days - I never cried at the hospital - I did when I came home. When we finally decided to remove the life support - I cried initially - but didn't cry much after that. In fact when we walked into the funeral home and saw him there - I thought I would break - but weirdly enough - I didn't even cry. He looked horrible in the hospital - and as weird as it sounds - at the funeral home he looked like him again - at peace! The week after the funeral with so much to do - I don't think I cried once. A whole week! Then the next week the emotions kicked and there were days I cried all day! those days come and go - and you never know when there going to hit you. It's OK - you can allow yourself that - we have been through one of the most traumatic experiences in life. Keep coming to this site - I have found comfort here and I hope you will too. Hugs!

Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm at 8 months and while most Of the time I'm "ok", all it really takes is thinking about Tom and everything lost - everything in didn't get to share with him (he retired and we moved back to my home state; hasn't even been here a full year), our taking about him and I choke up and the tears come. People are very understanding, but I know they get uncomfortable - esp his brother.

I'm told it will get easier. I guess it doesnt happen as often as it used to, But it's still there.

It's not uncommon to need some medical help. After all this grief thing is all emotional and that ties in to hormones. If they're too out of whack it's not really any different than being an antibiotic to help your body clear an infection.

No one is on this road by choice, but this is a good place to cry and vent. -Judy