I'm so sorry for your pain. There is no god in charge of this. All you can do is hunker down and power through. 6 months is bad, so sorry. Remember that your husband loved you for a reason and that reason is still there. It'll surface soon, not yet, but soon.

I am praying that God will comfort, strengthen and give you peace. In our finite minds it is hard to understand why. I just pray each day that I will be better today than I was yesterday. When my husband left me July 27, 2013, I wanted to go too. I never thought I would be where I am today, but I have been strengthen to move forward and you will too. I have been guided into doing projects, one was creating a photo album and journal, where I chronicled events and what I could remember my thoughts were at the time. It took me months to finish it because I would become overwhelmed and put it down. It was creating a positive memory of our 36 years together. I then got the idea of doing a memory quilt with some of his clothes, ties, etc. also transferring our wedding pictures to fabric for the quilt. My project now is working in his yard that he always worked in to make it beautiful. I never worked in the yard. I used it only to go to my car, and from my car to the house. Now I am in the gardening centers buying and working in the yard. I find it very therapeutic. Whatever it takes to move you forward and to do something that will make him smile, do it.

Hello my name is Cindy and I lost my darling to brain cancer seven months ago on the 17th of November to stage 4 brain cancer he was 48 and I am 45 and we had six children youngest is three years old.
I want to say that all that you are feeling is perfectly normal, nothing is out of ordinary and I also want to say that although I am a Christian and love Jesus and my husband loved and trusted in Him, I have asked those same questions, had anger and even rage and guilt and more guilt over the guilt and doubt and fear and I have cried until I though I had no more tears. I cried I think more this week than I did the week after he died in my arms. I am still in love with him and I still hate cancer and I am still grieving...so dear one please I just want to encourage you not to question your feelings and thoughts as you are grieving a terrible loss and you will experience grief as YOU experience grief, not like any other most likely so please don't beat yourself up. Come here post your feelings if you can and ask questions, engage or just read, I found just reading about others gave me a sense I wasn't alone with my particular grief. We all know what you're going through and there are wonderful people here. I hope you can find some comfort in that and some peace.
Love
Cindy

I'm sorry for your loss. Today is 1 month since my husband passed away is very hard and painful. I'm currently 6 months pregnant due in September. I wonder the same thing, why is god making me suffer like this? My husband I both 22 years old. Life isn't just fair, I hate my new life also but I'm force to keep on going for my 6 years old and my unborn daughter. Stay strong.