Thank you Pete, this really helps.

That's a good one, Pete, and very true. I never wanted Cliff's legacy to the world to be that his death destroyed my life or our sons' lives. How could that possibly honor him?? Cliff loved life, and he always said he would have to live to be 125 years old to get everything done that he wanted to do. It's such a pity he was gone at 55, with so much living that he still wanted to do.

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.

Love and Hugs, Martha

Excellent advice and thanks for passing it on. I am having a hard time with the holidays and the dread of reaching the first year mark. Somehow I think after the last of the sad firsts the destination of the journey will become easier to contemplate and strive toward. Anyway I sure hope so.

I promised Mike " I will be OK "..........the grief must be born and worked through.....but at the same time I am determined to keep my promise and be OK and make the life I now have as productive and happy as I can.
Thanks for posting {hug}

Good advice. It is helping me to wrap my head around the honoring him by living my life well. I can't seem to make that connection. But this advice is making it clearer.

I totally agree :-)

I know he would want me to go on and live my life. I am planning to move to Oregon (from the midwest) in the spring. We had talked about doing that together after I retired, so it is the best way I can honor him. I guess his family thinks so too; two of his brothers are going to help me move! My dear mother-in-law says she just wants me to be happy.

Working hard to find a new life. Finding ways to make a difference. Sometimes not as easy as it sounds. I just keep plugging away.

Pete - I watched Oprah yesterday, for probably the first time in 8 years. Dr. William Petit was interviewed. I don't know if you've heard of him - his story - But, I live in NY - He still lives in Ct. - Therefore-
For me it's local news - Anyway - 3 years ago, he lost his wife and 2 daughters - they were murdered in a home invasion - and Dr. Petit was brutally beaten- but managed to escape with severe head injuries. He managed to get out of their home before his daughters and his wife were doused with kerosene and set on fire - burned alive after being sexually assaulted.
His interview was so unbelievable to watch. He lost his entire family-not just his wife, but his daughters, aged 18 and 12 . He was brutally beaten and managed to escape from the cellar, the only survivor.
Just trying to reach out to you - husbands losing their wives have such a hard time - This particular story was truly "tragic"
So - to all of you husbands who have lost your "Loves- your WIVES" please- Keep posting - venting - whatever. We're here.

Very good point Pete- thanks for bringing it to the forefront of my mind!

A great message. Thanks for posting.

Ecclesiastes 3
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

We all will find our time again. For now most of us are still in a time to weep and morn. We all are honoring our loves the best we can in the time we are now in. There will come a time I hope we can find peace again.
Cie

Thanks Pete - you helped me this morning. Jerry would have been amazed with all I did accomplish since his death. He always wanted me to be strong. It's amazing to receive a ''message'' when you most need it. Thanks to you. Vicki