When you talk about getting mad at men older than your husband still alive ( well there are a lot of us ) you are going to have to look at things a lot differently if you carry that to a logical conclusion.

There are some widows on this site who lost their husband when their husbands were in either their 40s, 30s, 20s. So when do you think a fair time for us men to live to be is when you consider everyone?

Somehow you need to get to the point to where you are grateful for the time you did have with your husband.

Bob

im glad you have the videos. make copies and put a copy in a safe place! you don't want to lose them. and I understand. at first it was unbearable for me to see happy couples. I would think...that man is way out of shape...how come he is alive and my husband had a heart attack and isn't? or why did he survive his heart attack but john did...john deserved to be here. But my thinking has changed over time. As much as I want him back and wish it was different. I realize I cant be mad at others for living. and I think how many grieving people saw me and john kissing and laughing at the store or holding hands at the park and thought the same thing about us? Why were happy and in love and their partner was gone? I can guarantee you that at some point someone looked at you and your husband and was envious and was missing someone and wondered why yall were so happy and together. it just sucks being on the other side. but thinking like that has helped me.

I've had the same thoughts, why some live and not my husband. I have not been able to watch the movies yet, too much pain. I have him in a voice message that I play occasionally. I get tired of crying.

I have had the same thoughts when seeing older couples shopping or having dinner and wondering why they still had each other and I don't have my husband. I have all of our home movies but have yet to view them...my husband loved to narrate! Someday, perhaps. I can still hear his voice and usual message when he would leave a voice mail for me "Hi darlin', it's me!"

Bob, I don't get mad at older men, What I meant is that I get angry that my husband was taken. I guess sometimes I just feel sorry for myself. I'm sure most widow/widowers felt that at some point. And believe me, I KNOW there are people that lost their loved ones at a much younger age & they still have little kids. It really is heartbreaking for me to read some of their posts. I'm sorry you took this the wrong way

I'm happy that you found your movies. I scoured the internet hoping my Honey had left behind a video or maybe one of his friends had but no, nothing. But it's probably a good thing. He's been gone almost 4 months and I had to turn his picture around...I cry every time I see it.

First I want to express my sympathy for your loss. Reading these posts always seems to amaze me how many people out there lose a love one.

Next, I am glad you brought up the "home movie" subject. I too have home movies of my husband. I think about watching a few, yet I am afraid to. I fear that I will brake down and cry, and won't be able to pick myself up. So I guess one could say, I am avoiding it. I will never throw them out, yet they sit in the closet collecting dust.

I often wondered what kind of effect watching movies would make on me. I am glad you shared your experience. Thanks.

I've tried doing that too, but I don't have much of him or his voice. I guess I figured he would always be here. It didn't hurt like I thought, it was like it was happening when it did, just like watching a movie.
I sure wish I had more of him.

My husband passed at 74 and I would see couples who were older and I thought why couldn't he live a little longer. But I have come to understand that they too will experience what we're going through. It is sure to come all eventually.

Kat, I have had those thoughts - I guess we all do. The worst was at the supermarket. I tried going on a different day and time to what me and Cliff used to go together, and it turned out to be the day that all the senior citizens were there - white-haired couples happily shuffling along together - and it cut right through me. I tried a different day and it was all young couples with beautiful babies and their whole lives ahead of them. That was just as bad - I was a middle-aged widow with two big disabled sons and wondering if there was anything to look forward to anymore.

It changes, and I know what Kara means - I am more aware of that, too.

I don't have any home movies of Cliff, I wish I did. I do have a tape of him playing guitar with a friend and they joke around between songs, so I do have that. But it took a long time before I could listen to it.

Photos affect different people in different ways. I could not look at any photos for about 4 months. It just demolished me. Then I wanted to look at photos and went through hell because I couldn't find our wedding photos - I was so distraught - and it was quite some time before I found them - in a spot I could swear I had looked a dozen times.

There have been points where I wondered if he really loved me or not - the things he did, the things he hid from me, etc. We had a tumultuous, extremely intense relationship. It wasn't all sunshine and roses (most marriages aren't!). I hit a real low point and then stumbled across our love letters to each other, cards, valentines, poems and songs he wrote to me. When it gets bad and I have doubts, I go back to those. Reading what he wrote is almost like hearing him again. It may make me cry, but it's a good cry, because I know he loved me and knew that I loved him (that was important too!).

I understand, and thank you for sharing.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Your feeling are normal . Four months is a tough time but things are going to get better slowly by baby steps. Cherish those movies they will help you get through this and so will we.