I understand how you feel about the holidays. My husband too has been gone 5 months from brain cancer and for him the first signs were on Christmas last year. I wish Jan 2. would hurry up. And so sad about your mother as well. Remember that Dec 22 the days begin to get longer again and Spring will be here before you know it and the gloominess of winter will be over. I just keep reminding myself of that. Enjoy your children and grandchildren. It will help. Best to you..Mary

I am so sorry for your losses and your pain. I have a lot of recent experience with that painful lump in the throat. I can't say I make much of an effort not to cry anymore. It seems easier to go with it and although I am sure I make some people uncomfortable at times, I don't really care. Everything is such a blur I can't be sure about the timeline now, but in the beginning I think I did try to suck it up and put others at ease and it seemed to just prolong the pain when I gave in to it. I still cry every day, but not until I fall asleep so often, now it's more like sporadic bouts that pass more easily. I understand how you feel. I too would like to sleep until my regularly scheduled life resumes. I am not a fan of this one. It is too lonely, too cold and just empty in a way I can't express but I know you get. ((())) Hang in there. We're on this path with you.

I'm so sorry for both your losses. This isn't a good time of year for any of us who have lost loved ones. I guess there isn't any really good time but the holidays are the worst.
I lost my wife of 40 years 15 months ago to breast cancer. I still have days that I have crying spurts, I think we all have that. I'm not sure it will ever be any different. I think this is the new normal for me. The biggest advice I can give is to let it happen. If you hold it in it will eat you up. Also talk to your kids. They may need to see you experience your grief so they know it's ok to experience theirs.

Also I will say my finding this site was God sent. The people here have varying degrees of loss, and they are all kind, helpful and understanding people. You will find strength in talking to them.

Take care and God Bless

Jeff

I lost my husband of 38+ years on 2-6-08. I had 21 grandchildren & 5 children. I acted fine around the grandchildren. Nevertheless, the first Christmas I did absolutely nothing. No one got mad at me. My daughter-in-law had me over for Christmas dinner. That was all. I began to phase things in gradually over the nest few years. We must care for ourselves.

I pray that your days brighten soon Mimi15236. I realize it is hard now. Just take one minute, one day at a time. You're not going insane, you just miss your other half.

Take care and be blessed.

I've done pretty good at putting on that "happy" face when I'm out of the house.
I'm really dreading Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, doing the family thing at my mom's house. I just wish I could be alone till after the Jan. 1st. But then the 1 year anniversary is Feb 12, that falls in the middle of the week. I think I'll take a few days off and just hide.
Hope I can hold it together next week, I know the loss is hard on everyone in the family but mine is different.

First of all I am so so sorry for both of your losses so close together. You are definitely not insane but caught in the toughest battle of our lives called grief. Having to wear a mask for your children and grandcildren makes the process even more exhausting. This season is a tough one for all of us because we are surrounded by triggers everywhere's. With grief comes a emotional rollercoaster and because your loss is so recent the pain and sadness is even more intense. When we carry our spouses so close to our hearts of course we will miss them with increased intensity at Christmas. I try to focus on those around me and the love Christmas represents but even with my best efforts sadness creeps into my heart at times which is ok because I know tears are a necessary part of the healing process. I can tell you even though it doesnt seem real now the pain will become less intense over time. The Christmas present I wish for you is moments of peace you so desperately need. God bless. Gerald

The holidays are tough. My wife's problems started the day after Christmas last year when she came down with a rash. None of us had any idea it would lead to her dying in March. So Christmas day was the last day she was healthy and the last photo I have is our family on Christmas Eve. So if I could I would sleep right through till 2014. Don't be afraid to express your feeling as you are grieving as our your children. Take care of yourself.
Russ

I am so sorry to hear of your multiple losses. This is the first Christmas for me too without my mom and my husband. She died 5 1/2 months before he did...

It looks like our time frames are pretty similar, and I know for me, it has been a season of vacillating moods. One minute I'm feeling just fine, and then suddenly some tiny thing will trigger a meltdown. Especially when I am trying not to act sad. (Thank God for bathrooms, where I can go, close the door, and have a sob fest by myself) Or when I allow myself to show the sadness, and feel like I bring everyone else down. It's a tough one, that is for sure.

But 2014 is almost here. You'll get there. And hopefully, it will bring you new options, and a life that has a sense of purpose once again....

i understand how hard it can be. I lost my sweetie 6 weeks ago. I find the holidays a nice distraction. I am busy putting up the lights and tree because she loved those things. I am busy getting her clothes in order and giving them away to some friends and to goodwill. Some even are going to the Philippines. Someone I work with has family and friends there who were devastated by the storm there so some of my sweeties clothes will be walking around the Philippines. I kind of like that. I try to keep busy as much as I can but sometime in a down time I sit there and cry like a baby. I question my faith but hope it's all true because I really want to see my sweetie again. I have thought about doing something to go see her sooner but she would not like that. I will leave it up to god to decide. I can't figure out why he took my Donna so early and if and when I get up there I am sure going to ask him about it.

You need to concentrate on you for awhile. That means only doing what you can with decorations and a tree. I also didn't put up any decorations the first Christmas which was 6 months after my husband died. I would have felt like I had to for children (adult) and grandchildren, but I was attending a hospice group for widows and the facilitator made it clear it wasn't a requirement but an option if we wanted to. I'm glad she took the pressure off me. Leave the shoulds go for a while and just let yourself move through the emotions that overwhelm us for a while. Sharon

My husband passed away five months ago also. We were together 42 years, married for 37. We have two children and one grandson. My youngest still lives at home, which is a blessing right now. I really thought the holiday season was going to be easier than it is. I had a two hour meeting with a probate attorney that was exhausting, as it brought out the bitterness in his family. I generally have a lot of energy, but today I had very little. I have had some sleepless nights and it adds up. I know it will be wonderful to be with my family and I am looking forward to seeing them. I am also looking forward to 2014 being a better year! Take care.....Patricia

This is a true test of our faith getting through these holidays. My husband passed away 5 months ago and as all of you know, the tears are flowing more and more. I do find I don't cry and scream as long as I did when he first died. Our first date was New Year's Eve and I am going to church as we always did and then I'll stay with my daughter overnight. Blessings to all of you. I keep holding to "The Lord will never leave us nor forsake us." Do not look to your hope, but to Christ, the source of your hope.

My husband died 3 months ago from lung cancer and I am going through everything that you said... Everyone says it will take time, but I just can't see the future without him. We would have been married 49 years this last November. That's a lot of years and memories to shed tears over....But, do we have a choice?
Janice

I am also so sorry for your losses, Mimi. And I totally understand what you mean. I am at my daughter's for the holidays, and I try to put on a happy face for the grandchildren. Meanwhile, I am often crying on the inside. Being two people at once can be exhausting.

But it's better than last week when I was at my own house, with a cold (plus underlying health conditions), and trying to go to work. That was really lonely and sad, especially as I listened to co-workers talk about their spouses and plans for the holidays.

I, too, miss my husband so much. We were married for almost 50 years, and I can remember so many things about Christmases past. It's really hard. I guess all we can do is "fake it until we make it" -- though I'm not sure I ever will -- make it, that is.

Holiday hopes to all,
DorothyJoan