Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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hawg 12/04/2009

I don't know if anyone is experiencing anything of this nature. I am seven months out in this journey, still going through some rough spots. I am starting to get invitations to family gatherings, on the in-law side that my husband and I never participated in during our 30 years of marriage. Never was invited before, I really don't feel like driving an hour to attend, but feel uncomfortable declining the invite. Anyone experiencing the same type of situation? Really don't want to be a square peg in a round hole, if you know what I mean.

deleted_user 12/04/2009

I have not accepted any holiday invitations just because I am not interested right now. Maybe they are trying to reach out, but you have to do what feels right for you. But why do you feel uncomfortable declining if there was no previous interaction with them? You don't owe anyone any explanations nor should you feel guilty for declining. I would thank thank them politely and say not at this time. But that's just my opinion. Good luck. Hugs Diann

deleted_user 12/04/2009

This is just my opinion so please take it as such..I think your in-laws are feeling guilty now especially since you were never invited before..how sad. I would probably decline just because where were the in-laws before. Peace to you in this season..which is what we really all need right now.

marjoe 12/04/2009

I pretty much declined all party invitations as well, last year, and that was at 5 months out. I told them I just wasn't up to it, but to bear with me. And guess what? The invitations came around this year (the 2nd year) as well, so my thoughts that I would be left behind, as it were, were for nought. Do what you only feel comfortable doing, not what you think you should be doing. Hugs, Marsha

Shrn 12/04/2009

The choice is yours to accept or decline and especially with the loss you've experienced. Do you feel you could phone them and thank them for thinking of you, but explain this year is especially hard for you and you don't want to commit to coming? You could ask how they are doing. It may be a call that helps you greatly if you could put closure with this part of your life.

My experience was with Don's sister who we were estranged from for over 20 years. She came to the funeral which was very uncomfortable for me. After a period of time I phoned her and said how are you doing? It was a good decision and although we rarely see or speak it isn't the sore spot it used to be. Sharon

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