Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I keep reading how folks here are dreading the holidays, especially those who are still in "the year of firsts" and I thought I might share some ideas.
I remember well the first Thanksgiving and Christmas after my mother-in-law passed away 15 years ago. We did something completely different than we had done in previous years, and it made it easier.
For Thanksgiving we had a BIG family dinner with all my hubby's extended family, sort of a family reunion. Had it at a church so everyone had equal clean -up etc. My hubby uncle had passed away one month after his mother so their family was suffering the same way. It was a lot of fun.
And then for Christmas we went to another aunt and uncles (I mean my hubby whole family who usually spent christmas together) It was different from the norm so we didn't have some of those memories to deal with, although we still missed her. It was fun and at least for us it made it easier.
My first Christmas without my husband I went to be with my family, something I hadn't done since 1992. and am doing it again this year.
For those who don't have that option, perhaps just doing some small new thing (start a new tradition) even if it is just a small thing.
Or, for those who don't have family or friends to be with (or who just can't handle being with them) you could always go visit people at hospitals or nursing homes on the holidays. You don't have to know anyone there, they still appreciate company. If you can sing, go sing Christmas carols strolling down the halls of the hospital (they love it, both patients and staff) My hubby and some friends did this one year, mostly because we knew an old bachelor who was in the hospital, but we sang for everyone, and it was one of the best Christams memories I have. If you can't sing, just go offer to read to someone or play games with the kids in pediatrics. Or pray with them if they would like it.
I can almost guarantee that if you do these one of these things you will feel more blessed than those who you do it for, but they will feel like they are the ones who benefitted.
I remember well the first Thanksgiving and Christmas after my mother-in-law passed away 15 years ago. We did something completely different than we had done in previous years, and it made it easier.
For Thanksgiving we had a BIG family dinner with all my hubby's extended family, sort of a family reunion. Had it at a church so everyone had equal clean -up etc. My hubby uncle had passed away one month after his mother so their family was suffering the same way. It was a lot of fun.
And then for Christmas we went to another aunt and uncles (I mean my hubby whole family who usually spent christmas together) It was different from the norm so we didn't have some of those memories to deal with, although we still missed her. It was fun and at least for us it made it easier.
My first Christmas without my husband I went to be with my family, something I hadn't done since 1992. and am doing it again this year.
For those who don't have that option, perhaps just doing some small new thing (start a new tradition) even if it is just a small thing.
Or, for those who don't have family or friends to be with (or who just can't handle being with them) you could always go visit people at hospitals or nursing homes on the holidays. You don't have to know anyone there, they still appreciate company. If you can sing, go sing Christmas carols strolling down the halls of the hospital (they love it, both patients and staff) My hubby and some friends did this one year, mostly because we knew an old bachelor who was in the hospital, but we sang for everyone, and it was one of the best Christams memories I have. If you can't sing, just go offer to read to someone or play games with the kids in pediatrics. Or pray with them if they would like it.
I can almost guarantee that if you do these one of these things you will feel more blessed than those who you do it for, but they will feel like they are the ones who benefitted.
She told me that not only was it quite a challenge to come up with funny gifts, it took their minds off the loneliness of the time. They laughed belly laughs and had a great Christmas instead of a sad one.
I may try that approach with my group this year.
I can't tell you how many years we argued because I spent too much on my kids (which I didn't), we argued because I baked too much, argued because of the way I decorated. This year, I can do what I want, when I want and how I want and I'm looking forward to it.
We celebrated Thanksgiving like others celebrate Christmas. Invited all our friends and family and had great fun and fellowship, taking time to speak about what each of us was thankful for. Jack and I worked side by side first preparing the house, major cleaning usually starting in Sept and finishing early Nov and then we would turn our attention to planning the guest list and meal. We worked together preparing the meal, each anticipating the next move, being at the right place at the right time with the right thing....It was like a ballet....
Everyone always looked to him for the something special he always managed to pull off! One year it was placing a cornish game hen in the turkey and then proclaiming that we'd gotten a pregnant turkey....he was such a clown with an awesome sense of humor and near perfect timing....
I'm at a loss as to what to do this year....maybe I'll teach the boys how to prepare the meal..... I know they will be greiving the loss of this wonderful tradition....
Just trying to think ahead....
Tina B.
Carla
we always had a houseful,both our families live out of state.
i wish i could pull the covers over my head & sleep till the day is over.
it's been 4 mos & the thought of the holidays fills my heart with sadness.
we always enjoyed christmas shopping,picking out gifts he would pick the mens & me the womens.we both would decide on the grandkids.
i know all the firsts are the hardest & i will get through this holiday season but i pray for strength to endure.
I would love to visit my inlaws and let them spend time with their only grandchild and their lost son's legacy, but I just don't think it will work. I planned to spend last christmas with them, but a snowstorm again kept me away.
Trying to make holidays even with both sets of grandparents is difficult enough and then spending it with my inlaws without their son is even harder to think about.
Lori