Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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dcheramie 08/09/2015

It's been a very long week. The co-worker on my team that usually handles releasing our software is on vacation for a month..so I get my job + his. Not something i can't do, but that means after working all day, wednesday night's at 9pm pst, i get to login from home and run a release until about 1am.. Since i usually get up at 5am, that makes for a very long day..did this last week..have it coming up again this week..

Doing this fun work schedule while trying to pack my house/get it ready for new carpet and paint In all the rooms.. Friday,after work, i still had 3 rooms to clear before Saturday morning when the carpet installers were due to arrive, sometime between 8am - 12 noon..i worked all night on this and had 2 of the 3 done at 1:30 am.. I decided to nap or i was going to pass out at this point.. Napped from 2am- 4am..got up and started on the last and worst room, my pc room.. 24+ years of collectibles/games/comic books( used to collect) 2 computer desks/tv, etc, etc.. Lots ofv stuff In my "man cave".. At 7:50 am installers have not called yet and i think i have 1-2"hours of work left..5 minutes later "we will be there inn 5 minutes" phone call received.. Took me another 1.5 hours to finish..glad they had other rooms they could do first..

Now i have painters coming next week..gotta get everything packed/stored in my garage over the next week..im so exhausted..

Decided to get out today, take a break.. Went to another of my wife's favorite restaurants today..another "first time alone".. That was sad.. Decided "im going to see a movie she would have wanted too see" and go tickets.. Gotta waste an hour, so i roam the mall.. Now I'm sitting writing here, because im sick of seeing all the could roaming around holding hands..

I think the exhaustion/moving stuff is getting too me bug time today + trying to do some stuff Melodie would have wanted to do today..just making myself sad.. Really wish must honey was sitting here holding my hand waiting too go into the theater with me..

Thanks for listening to my rambling.. That took 20 of my minutes until i can go into the movie..

marjoe 08/09/2015

Oh - that's rough. It's hard. I'm listening. Marsha

JesusisOurSaviour 08/09/2015

Dear dcheramie,
Keep venting, it's ok. I've been reading some of your recent blogs, Wow! The mind boggles....You, mon ami have been Extra busy. You are more than a trooper...you are now The General trooper!!!
Seriously though, try and take it one step at a time, you have more than enough on your plate.
Thinking of you and I have hope and confidence, that you will get through this week with flying colours .
Can you keep us all posted on how your days go?
Hug.....Sandra

kgray41 08/09/2015

Bless you!! You have a lot on your plate! Try to get some rest. When I get overtired, EVERYTHING just looks worse!! I can't get my bearings and I feel numb. But if I'm well rested, (thank you Benadryl!) I do pretty good!!
Loves....Karla

KimKos 08/09/2015

That's a full plate for sure!! I hope that you enjoy the movie..or sneak in a snooze...

handg 08/09/2015

sounds like you are burning the candle at both ends and that your body as well as your mind is exhausted which in turn tends to make us more emotional..Be kind to yourself and see if you can slow down a bit. I know you want things done , was there myself and that is why I know that pushing ourselves too much creates emotional mayhem. Take care of yourself and yes vent away , you have earned the right to do so.

npc4204 08/09/2015

I'm overwhelmed and exhausted just reading your post!
Sometimes we get so busy that we're on automatic pilot. Then when we finally sit down the grief hits again.

All I can say is I understand, and I hope you find some relief when your coworker gets back and the painting is all done.

Hugs,
Janie

dcheramie 08/09/2015

Thanks everyone..yeah overtired i think is an understatement.. I think i could sleep for a month if my mind would ever slow down worrying about every little thing..

Went and saw the new mission impossible movie..mindless action..i think my brain needed that..

Thanks again, hugs to you all

loveddogs 08/10/2015

I'll say it again, the mind is a terrible thing! You definately have so very much on your plate. I so understand going to restaurants you as a couple frequented. There are definately ones that I may never be able to enjoy again. I too find the more tired I am the more emotional I become and all my "plans" go out the window. At some point in time I hope to sleep normally again, though it's been years. Try to take some me time, just for you, heaven knows you deserve it. But isn't it amazing what we can do when we don't think we can. Hugs to you, Michele

jenniferalves 08/10/2015

That's sounds really rough. I am with you with seeing the couples roaming around, hands holding, but most importantly just talking. Deciding on things, laughing, even arguing is hard to watch. I still can't go to restaurants we like, and he was a movie critic and I still get invited to the press screenings but I can't go. I hope you a better day soon. Hang in there. This is so hard.

scottito 08/10/2015

Wow. I can do the mundane easy work (like bookkeeping). But anything that takes concentrated thinking on my part has been beyond my minds ability. So you, my friend, are an inspiration. It can be done. But you must take care of yourself. Your love would want that. ~ Scott

dcheramie 08/10/2015

thank you all again

shaneslove 08/10/2015

Hugs... It definitely sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

ptorres 08/10/2015

I feel for you, I am in the High Tech field as well. I am a Database and Network Engineer and most days feel overwhelmed as I have a hard time concentrating on the task at hand. My coworkers seem to think that I should be business as usual after 6 mos and treat me like nothing ever happened. I don't know what else I expect from them but I sit in meetings and just think, don't these people know that my life is miserable and I am about to explode and I really don't care about your deadlines. Hang in there sounds like you are trying to take care of the house and at least getting out a bit. I can barely leave my house.

lmj90 08/10/2015

Im not in the high tech field but am in a property management position and I find it hard to concentrate on most everything from my work to just my day to day tasks. I find that if I take each thing and break it down to smaller tasks then I handle things better. Not sure you could do that with your job. I can't seem to handle things coming at me in a rush anymore like I used to. I was one of those people that hit things head on and delt with them. I was the fixer and the problem solver!! Not anymore. My strength, my drive, and my hope died with my husband. There really is no point in most tasks anymore. I am mearly surviving and going through the motions. Hang in there we are all here to listen. One day at a time :)

kkg17 08/10/2015

We are hear to listen, dcheramie.
If youre working so hard and long, maybe put off the painting? It does not all have to been done right now!
Your working extra and doing all the home improvement at the same time sounds impossibly exhausting. But you seem young and strong, so blessings to get it done and feel great afterwards...or feel free to pace yourself!

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