We were the ones with them heart, body, and soul. So we think of them everyeday and night. Our friends while they care, have their lives they go back to, and yes, it's hard not to feel bitter thinking as you said "where are they?".

Sometimes we have to do the reaching out, as much as we know we would like for them to just do it!. It was that way for me. When they txt you saying 'Im here if you need me" try a text saying just 'I need you now'!? and see hwta happens. I know how isolating it is after we lose them, and think no one cares, and we don't even KNOW what we need half the time! Try that asn see then what happens?

That's what I do when I need something from someone. I reach out to them, and usually I'm surprised at what I find. You will find out who "really" cares and who does not. the ones that stick by you? they are GOLD.

And you are not alone. you have all of us anytime you need us.

HUGS and hopes for friends to be all over you!! Diane

My experiance was much the same. I now think they just didn't know what to say to me. I was mad at them for a while but I now know that is a waste of time as it is not their fault. People knew us as a couple and I am sure it is very odd to see me alone. Even my best friend has lost contact with me. It took me almost 5 months but I have found two people who can accept the fact that it is just me now and they have made time in thier busy lives to include me in some things without me asking them to visit me. To me they seem like angels as they get that I need people too and I don't what to ask all the time.
I also learned to schedule my alone at home time so when I am alone I can make it go by faster. I have a hour in the moring and one hour at night on the DS board and I read what people are doing. It was weird to me at first but everyone here is so nice. I have even started positing comments which is also new to me. I find thing like this take away some of the alone time that I still do not like very much.

If I understand, you were engaged, planning your wedding. Grief is SO very hard to go through, but please try not to be depressed. There will be so many occasions, especially during the 1st year, that will be difficult times. Unfortunately, if we loose someone we love, grief is something we cannot avoid. Denial, numb, thinking he will come back, is all very natural. I hope you have friends and family to help comfort you during your difficult times, and always. Sending hugs and praying for God's peace and strength to be with you.

I lost my husband ten days before our first anniversary very suddenly in october (also 3 1/2 mths ag0). I noticed that this past week has been the worst every for me. I thought I was on the verge of a breakdown, in fact my family feels I had one.

I know what you mean. All of a sudden it is becoming real. I think we put their death in the back of our minds and kept thinking we would wake up and they would walk in the door again. Now all of a sudden I woke up and it hit me right in the gut. I am waking at night shaking and panicky now. I am so sad to get up from bed and feel the lonliness. Last week I spend an entire day in the house sobbing, wailing out loud and I couldnt stop. I was tired and weak for days after but I think my heart needed to get that out so I could feel the pain.

WE are all in the same place as you are and not having time to say our goodbyes makes it all so much worse for us. There is a book I got on amazon very cheap..."I wasnt ready to say goodbye"...it is about sudden deaths and it has become my bible now. If you can get it, it would be so worth it. YOu can understand what you are feeling and it gives suggestions on ways to deal with your grief. Much love to you from me always, Ann

Hi Friend,

It is very hard and terribly sad. These special dates can bring extra stabs of pain. The first few months I was numb and in shock, too. So, I think you are right, because I remember sometimes going to bed and when I first woke up, I was expecting to see him. :( Sometimes we somehow think it is a bad nightmare and we will wake up.

Sometimes friends do not know what to do or say, so sometimes they stay away. I also think as someone else said, they go back to their "normal" while for us, every minute is different and very difficult. especially at the beginning.

Keeping you in prayers,

Shar

I am deeply sorry, Dear One. This will be the hardest most difficult thing you will ever go through, but through it you will get. If you feel the need, seek grief counseling. Grief causes emotional, mental and even physical pain. Depression and sadness, forgetfulness, lack of focus and energy... even illness. Anguish.

I avoid photos and music we enjoyed together, and television programs we watched. I am trying to create a new life while at the same time honoring the one my husband and i shared together. It is difficult, seemingly impossible. staying busy helps, but overall the one thing that helps me most of all is my close relationship with Jesus Christ. During Alan's illness my faith grew. Many people lose faith in God during such a wretched nightmare, but for some reason i am blessed with growing closer to God. I will pray God blesses you with comfort and peace. Hugs ~Sibylla