You are so young to have to process this grief, I am so sorry for your loss. Always so tragic ..any loss...but someone so young who's life had just begun seems even more so. We have all looked through our pictures...put then away...dug them out again...as time passes we adjust somehow. For each of us the time line is different. It seems like we will never heal but one day you wake up and you are just that small bit better. Wishing you a better day.
Hugs Linda

Thanks linda, your right i do find that some days i can look at pics and remember where we were and what we did that day but for now i just cant. thank u for your reply

I first want to say how sorry I am you have to face your loss.

I personally feel being so young - you have not had many life experiences meaning like me age 61 I have had death in my family - friends - etc. along the way. So being so young I feel its got to be very hard....

Depression is a part of the loss,
I know I could not in the beginning of losing myhusband look at any photos, or think of any memories without being deeply affected with crying and just devastation to my soul. Now after 18 months I am able to see photos and remembering with smiles and good memories. I am stil sad, and yes at moments cry & feel down but I was able to put together a scrapbook of him and our times. It was very healing.

Just know how you are feeling is normal. You know yourself and if your depression overwhelms seek help...he would want you to live on - and yes in time you will understand -

I wish you well and feel for you...HUGS

It's been four months for me, and I still can't grasp it, and I haven't had to go through her birthday yet. Lewis' birthday must have been so very hard for you. And to lose him suddenly with so much life ahead for both of you--I just can't imagine the terrible anguish you must feel. My wife and I had 5 1/2 months to say goodbye to one another after her diagnosis, and I would take the worst of those days over today. Everyone here understands you exactly when you say you're "just not good." Sending you thoughts of calm and peace. Remember that you carry the best of Lewis in your heart and mind, and that whatever you are doing or feeling now is what you need to be doing or feeling to process your loss. Hugs to you. --B

Nicker07 and ben3 thank you for your posts. Im so very sorry for your loss too. i just feel like this week i have taken a few steps back, not that i felt like i was getiing through this before but i feel like i'm back to day one again. i have taken up a new job of working with special needs children and as i havnt been there for the last few days it got me down and i havent been doing anything so have had a lot of thinking time. The kids are so amazing and it is almost like a therapy for me to be there helping them. I think lewis's birthday opened up new painful feelings and even more realisation that this is real and its not some awful nightmare.

Missinyouxx,

It had to be so HARD to go through Lewis' 24th birthday!?!?! I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. To have all those dreams that were so much a part of both of you gone so suddenly?

I understand the denial. I was there too. I kept thinking if I just did this or taht "right,"that he'd get to come back because surely this was something I did wrong that I needed to right. I understand this so well, and think many of us have been there. I KNOW I have.

I also understand the "I'm just not good". Been there, and still AM there sometimes. Right now for yu, is one of the HARDEST parts of this. For some it lasts longer, and some it's shorter, but not one of us doesn't go through this, and while there, IT SUCKS to be us. Everyday, every minute every feeling is worse than the last, and you think you'll never get through it. but one day you do. One day you get up, and the first thing you do won't be crying. Mostly he will still in many mornings be your first thought, but you will at one point smile at the memory. i KNOW it doesn't seem that way now, because for me it didn;t when I was told that. But I was wrong. ther DOES come a day, when we get through the worst part, and start the healing part. I don't even like to use the word healing, but it's the only one to explain it i think. We don't hurt every minute the way we used to, and they become part of who we are, or at least that is what It's like for me.

And you are right. You should have had him there to celbrate, instead of the balloons. but in doing that you DID CELEBRATE FOR HIM, and he KNOWS you did.

BIG HIGS of understanding Diane

Oh(((((missingyouxx))))), I'm so sorry that you were left alone so young. I wish you could have been blessed with a wonderful 48 years like Vern and I were! But no matter, young or old, the pain is excruciating...like the best part of you has been ripped away and left you with no warmth, no protection, no future. I'm coming up on Vern's birthday (2/17 - he would have been 73) and to make it harder, mine is on 2/22. (the 22nd of September is when he died, so that will always be a reminder...sigh). I'm rather dreading it myself, so I have just an inkling of how you must have ached on that day.

I'm still numb, too, but each day I'm finding ways to cope with his being gone. You just hold on, sweetie...go ahead and cry when you need to and take care of whatever your body/mind tells you it needs, and keep coming here to let us hold you up when you need an extra support. Holding you in my heart...Marilyn

My heart aches for you in having to go through this, I just went through my husbands on the Jan 10th one day before my mom passed away. There is nothing to explain it, other than to say it just SUCKS!!
I am also going back and forth on the pictures, sometimes I cry and sometimes I smile and at the time I never know which one it will be. I am hoping for all of us to have many more smiles and laughs at the memories.............hugs

I am so sorry and wish I could wrap my arms around you and make it better---but I know I can't. This is a long difficult walk, but know so many here understand and care.
Sal

I'm so sorry... I am older than you but at about the same place in this journey. Don passed away 10/05/11. His birthday is Feb 15. I know the 14th and 15th will both be so hard. I wish you had you Lewis to celebrate with. I'm sending you a big HUG and hoping you will come back an vent any time you feel the need. Vicki

You'll are a beautiful couple and my heart breaks for you. You will grieve for him for the rest of your life, but hopefully you will begin to learn to live without him. Love and hugs to you

Thanks linda, I am sorry for your loss and I understand that feeling. 8 months later our fun pictures still make me sad. I do have days when I can think back and remember the fun times we had. That keeps me going.
Hugs jeff

Dear Friend, I lost my husband 2 years ago. I want to tell you something. It is a secret that widows and widowers learn...."WE ARE STRONGER THAN OUR MOST PAINFUL TRAGEDIES"
Hang in there, Honey. You are in my prayers.

I'm so sorry you also lost your love. It is so so hard going through these first months! I never knew that it was not only emotionally painful, it is physically painful too! Early on it felt like someone reached in my chest and ripped my heart out.

And you are right...he should be here on his birthday and he was way way too young!

You have come to the right place. People here are so supportive and I don't know what I would have done without DS early on.

Anyway, I wanted to send you lots of virtual hugs and to say I am so sorry.

(((((hugs)))))
-Diana

Thank you all for your lovely replys. I'm finding it difficult with the lonley days and nights. friends have been good but i feel they are slowly drifting away. I dont want to feel bitter or cross towards them but i sit here thinking where are they?! i need them more than ever right now. Are they scared to come and see me? Have they forgotten about me? I know they have their own lives biut i'm so sick of being at home doing nothing. I get the occasional message saying "you know where iam if you need me" but i just want them to turn up and not have to ask for them to come visit. how have all your friends been in the early stages of loosing your loved one?