Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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mclizm 02/23/2015

I thought I was doing quite well. Just ticking along at 7 mos and then bam! Hit big time yesterday. Don't know if it was finding the love letters from our early days or just overwhelmed with all the little things that needed taking care of at home, but whatever triggered it, it hit hard. Like back in the early days. Couldn't stop crying so ended up taking Ativan to get some sleep. Woke up this morning so emotionally drained. Considering not going into work but knowing I would probably be better around other people. Home alone just risks spiraling deeper into the darkness of missing PJ. Nervous about the upcoming biggies - his birthday, our anniversary and the anniversary of his death. All collide within about a month of each other. Was talking to his sister yesterday about plans for the 1 yr day. She's been so incredibly supportive. I know this loss is hard on her too. They were very close. Think this post was more of a cry for help and understanding than anything else but thanks for listening. Know that all of you will understand this one foot forward, 2 steps back dance we do. Liz

letmehelpyou 02/23/2015

Oh sweetie, it is the dance. I am so sorry. I was going through old Christmas cards this past December to get addresses and out dropped a little card from J.R. telling me how much he loved me from 2010. A just because note that I used to get from him. At first I smiled and then I cried all day, just because. That is at four years. The good news is after the initial shock at four year mark, I was better by the time I went to bed. At the first year, I would have been analyzing that note for two weeks. It gets better, it just takes time. Take it day by day. We get it.
Hugs,
Val

mclizm 02/23/2015

I just can't stop crying this morning. Called out sick after all. I'm just too much of a hot mess right now. Feel pathetic too that I can't pull myself together. I'm just missing him so much. Think the letters brought back all the dreams and hopes we had for our life together. This was certainly not on the cards for either of us! Just feeling the depths of all that's been lost. Our past, our present and our future.

dschwartz 02/23/2015

mclizm . . so sorry that you are in the midst of the emotional cyclone. I've been having some rough days myself lately (without cause or reason) . . . just feeling overwhelmed emotionally at 10.5 months. I don't think we need to over analyze too much . . just roll with the coaster and know that better days ahead will come. I wish I had more words of wisdom and comfort for you today . . . just know you are not alone. Big warm hug to you. xo, Dayna

deleted_user 02/23/2015

I'm so sorry that the merry-go-round stopped and you're sitting high on one of the horses.

Stay strong, hold on and wait it will come done again and then you can get off.....go on about your life.....until it goes HIGH again.

I don't know if I'm becoming desensitized to the "ups and downs" or I can sense when it's going to happen and I sit, hold on and just go with it!

I hope it was easy for you as it does get easier and easier...shorter and shorter to deal with.

Take care of your feelings,
Roz

Coop84 02/23/2015

I am so sorry you are having a bad time of it right now. I had my melt down last week. Hang in there! Let the pain out so you can heal. Hugs. Sue

ramar 02/23/2015

This time of year is hard even without the added loss we have. It's cold, dark, dank and evertything looks horrible. My husband was always deperessed this time of year. Spring will give us new hope and flowers.. Yes flowers and nice colors and stuff to do outside..

soalone2to1 02/23/2015

Oh how sorry I am that you are having this meltdown today, but you are not alone. I too have been having some serious waves of grief for the past week or so. His birthday is next Sunday and I am dreading it. Then comes my birthday and our anniversary. I have been crying all day. It will be 6 months March 3rd and I'm a mess. I had my favorite photo of him as the background on my computer and I blew it out today and couldn't get it back. I started sobbing. I couldn't find the original, but just did so the tears have stopped for the moment. The say it gets better, but I am sure you, like me aren't sure that is true. Just breathe and take it one step at a time. Thats what I am doing today. Thinking of you, Robyn

cliffskat 02/23/2015

I am sorry you are feeling like this, but wanted to let you know there is nothing wrong with you and that it is perfectly normal or typical for the time-frame you're in. It feels awful right now, but you will get through this. I'm glad you cut yourself some slack and took some time for yourself -- you need to do that sometimes. I call it the Widow's Waltz - one step forward, two steps back.....

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

npc4204 02/23/2015

Liz, I could have written your exact post. Seven and a half months for me, and I'm backsliding, too.
I went to see my doctor today. He changed my antidepressant. I hope it will help.
I agree about the weather, too. Brutally cold here, can't just go outside for a walk.
You're not alone ... we're in this together.

Hugs,
Janie

heartbroken2015 02/23/2015

Hi Liz, I wish I had something brilliant to say that would make you feel better, but I don't. Just wanted to send you a hug and to tell you to hang in there. There are no magic words, there isn't anything anybody can say or do to make this any easier...they say it just takes time. I know for myself, it's so hard to feel this bad for so long! It's not an easy road to walk. It's tough stuff! I think taking the day off was probably a good idea for you today...I think sometimes when we feel so bad, it's better to just sit with the feelings in a safe place...to cry, to scream and to cry some more. I really do believe that it is all part of healing. Hang in there and I'm sending you a hug.

triquetra 02/24/2015

I read that the loss of a spouse plunges us into what C.S. Lewis called the dark night of the soul. Life suddenly seems meaningless, nothing makes sense. Everything we believed and held dear has been turned upside-down and the framework of our world collapses. I hope we find some way out of this despair.

KimKos 02/24/2015

Liz..I am so sorry you had a day like that..and I wish I could say...There will be no more like it again....but I cant. This journey we are on came without directions...I feel like we are in a jungle..cutting through thick crap and some days you just need to stop and sit...Im ahead of you on this path and I am not alone....doing that 1 step forward 2 back dance....today Im sort of doing the moonwalk ..dropping off a pillow AND a blanket and trying to snip off a few pieces of the jungle for you....and then forward I go...Liz I think there just might be some turns and twirls ahead....sending you much love!!

onward1 02/24/2015

I've found there is a calm after "the storm". Let your emotions have their run, it's good to get it out. Even though Paul & I didn't make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, I was an emotional mess(took me by surprise). Held his urn, cried until I couldn't anymore, telling the universe this is not how it was suppose to be. Then, the phone rang. A group of friends asking my son and I to go to dinner that night. We did and had fun.

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