Do what works for you please, Pam. I had the same dilemma, sharing a walk-in closet. I just couldn't look at all of those clothes that were his!

So I got rid of them. Now the stuff in his dresser drawers? Well, that's another story. See, the drawers are closed and I don't have to see the stuff unless I open them. I have done a couple, with the impersonal stuff in the bottom drawers. The other drawers? Can't do it yet, not after only two months.

And the garage with all of his tools and guy stuff? This is really tough. I just don't look at it as I get into my car.

I kept two shirts and a hat. They still hang in the closet, but they aren't a heartbreak to me.

Do what works for you. I am sending giant hugs, as I surely understand this.

Mystic

My wife and I had seperate closets and dressors. It was great while she was here but now with them out of sight I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I still have her mother's stuff to go thru who passed back in 2008.
Although it has only been eight months I'm torn between wanting to get it over with but not wanting to take that final step.
I'm with Mystic, we have to do what ever works for us all. Take care.
Peace, TIm

Thanks for the post, Pam.

It is another post that I instantly understand.

I am at 8 months since my wife passed.

I have learned everyone handles it differently with regard
to all the clothes and other personal items left behind.

In the early weeks / months, I have met and communicated
with some widows / widowers that gave away or disposed
of everything and then regretted it. I don't want to make
that mistake.

So, everything my wife owned is still there. All of her
clothes and many, many other things.

Daily, I am experiencing a mixture of both pain and comfort
by seeing all of her things. I see her shirts and jeans and
boots and imagine her wearing them. Pain and comfort.

There is a stack of her folded jeans in a spare bedroom. At
times, I rest my head on them and the tears flow non-stop
but the tears are a blend of both pain and comfort. I feel
close to her with my head on her jeans even though it is
painful. The comfort usually wins out over the pain. .

I have decided I shall wait it out and see what happens in
the future. I am not being pushed by anyone to take any
steps and that makes it easier to just not make any
decisions for now.

I know it is not an easy decision for you, Pam, as it is a
decision each of us has to reach at some point.

Blessings to all -

Darrell

Everytime I walked into our walk in closet, I saw all his outfits, knowing he would never wear them again, but remember all too well what he looked like in them. I had a close friend make a huge quilt out of all of his clothes, including his military badges, fautigues, and undies... made me feel better knowing I could still wrap him around me, but it would stab me everytime I walked into our closet. much love and hugs carla.. p.s its your decision, do as you feel comfortable

My son packed up my husband's clothes from our closet and his dresser about 2 months after Johnny's death. I could not bear to see them every day but was not ready to dispose of them. The clothes were put in boxes and taken to upstairs closet. Three months later, my other son and I took the boxes to Goodwill. I kept his red jacket, his cowboy boots, and his hat. His other personal posessions I placed in a separate box and it is in the top shelf of my closet. On the anniversary of his passing in 3 weeks, my sons and Grandson will choose a special item from the box to remember their Dad. I have never smelled anything on his clothes as they were kept laundered. That seems to be a comfort to many. Martha Jean

I have found this varies widely. Some people want it gone right away; others just can't for a while. I know of a woman who has not touched a thing and it's been over 20 years since her husband passed.

I just talked to a couple of people last night that said they first packed things away into tubs and stored them for a while in the basement/garage. The closet is cleared, but the items are not yet gone, just in case....I think when I am ready I will do something similar. I'm almost 4 months out and just threw out his toothbrush and a few other similar personal care items about a week ago. I don't think I'll wait 20 years, but it'll be some time yet for me.

I am a big believer that we all have to do what feels right for us at every step of this process. It's interesting to hear what others have done or how they managed, but ultimately, our journey is our own.

Peace and love to you all as we each work through this "crap" :)
Kate

On weekend after her funeral, I gave all the new clothes she has not wore, I felt there were easier to give a to a family member that was in town and her order child could use. I have slowly pack the rest of there clothes, however I have kept her privates and the wedding gowns in a separate box in my closet. Our two boys and I went thru her jewelry and the Boys kept what they wanted and I saves the other jewelry, witch it will be the boys once I join her.

But like other post stated, do what feels right for you.

Junlu

My daughter packed up the dresser and put his clothes into two totes. We have separate closets, but only one would fit in there, so I put one in, his clothes are still hanging in the closet, and the other tote is in my closet. I still have his toothbrush, although I did put that in the bathroom closet. I turned his favorite carhart jacket into a pillow case, and picked out one t shirt and a pair of pajama pants. I don't think I can do much more than that right now. The memorial is May 14, and that is when we will put his ashes in the ground, but I want to keep all of them. I know I can't, his folks and siblings need closure too, but I am keeping some of them. I guess I will go through the clothes when I am ready, but today just ain't the day.

I am giving his clothes to Goodwill or my brother, everything I finds something I bag it I am moving in the near future.

A few weeks after he passed I had an uncontrollable urge to organize something, anything - so I started boxing up his clothes with the intent to just put them away for a while before giving them away. I was having a hard time and was just about to give up when my niece called and offered to make me a quilt of his favorite shirts. She had no idea I was going through his things when she called, so I think it must have been divine intervention that made her call. It made the process so much easier, and just yesterday she presented me with the quilt. I slept with it last night and I can't describe how comforting it was.

I kept my husband's clothes in there place for almost a year. I gave some to my kids.... I then was approached by a friend who volunteered to make a quilt for me. I kept out the more important things and boxed the rest up. It took me months to give those boxed up clothes to my friend because I felt that I was giving away one of the only pieces of him I had left. I didn't want anyone else to have them.


After a lot of tears and soul searching I gave them to her. It was hard to trust that someone would not just throw them in a corner. She made a beautiful quilt and now I can hold him closer than I could with all those things in a dresser.

Do what you feel in your heart. Even if its getting rid of or saving just one piece of clothing at a time. Maybe make something for yourself and keep the rest until another day. I even have a key chain made from my husband's jeans that I have with me daily. It helps a lot knowing I can touch something.

Hugs
Lisa

After one year I made a quilt out of my husband's clothes. I had one made for me and for each of my three daughters. They each have it on their beds. Also, I had a pillow made from his sweaters for each of the girls so the can sleep with Daddy at night. In the summer I purchase a quilt holder to use as a room divider and I hold the quilts on it if we don't want it on the beds.

Antonella