I know this is a difficult situation for you, Laurie.

My wife passed a little over six months ago and I am
fortunate to have her scent on her pillow. I keep it
covered. Unfortunately, she had washed all clothes
just a ay or so before.

I have a family member that lost her husband and she
tried to find anything in their home with his scent and
she was not successful. Finally, she did the next best
thing. She bought a bottle of his favorite aftershave
that he wore all the time and places drops on his
pillow. He roped horses as a hobby / sport and wore
leather gloves all the time and she said his hands
often took on the smell of the leather. She bought
several pair of the same gloves.

Her husband liked to burn candles when they were
being romantic and now she burns the same candles
with the same aromas.

He also did a lot of the cooking and used garlic. Now,
she places garlic in a small pot of water to heat it just
to get the smell in their home. He also smoked a cigar
about once a week on their back porch. She bought the
same brand and lights one every weekend just to
remember the smell. She has told me these things
and a few others have helped her stay connected to
him.

I don't know if the above will help you but I thought
perhaps I should mention it.

Blessings to you -

Darrell

Oh Laurie, I too miss Juanita's smell. She always, and I mean always, smelled just like a little baby. I had given no thought to what I might miss later on, and never had talked with anyone that had lost a spouse, so by the 2nd day, I had gone through the house and packed up every article of clothing of hers I could find, and gave it all away. A couple months later I found this site, and that is one of the first things I recall is people writing about how they preserved their spouses smell. I just thought, Well, that would have been a good idea. But since then, there have been times when I would love to smell her again. But really, it's not the smell I really miss, it's her. And I'm wanting what I can not have, in this realm and time anyway. Smells fade with time, it is our memories that we need to hold on to and treasure forever. Welcome to our group Laurie. Glad you found us. I too am a recovered alcoholic, May 8, 1998 is my clean and sober date. God did a 180 on my life once I let Him get a hold of me. But I certainly understand the disease of addiction -- it is a hell few are able to escape from alive or without imprisonment or being institutionalized. There is not one addict that wants to drink or use whatever their drug of choice is -- and they all want to stop from the depths of their souls. But until they relinquish control over it, they can't be helped. Kind of like I'm starting to learn about this grief. It seems that by giving up trying to control it in itself puts me in control of it (somewhat anyway). God bless and comfort you ~~ Scottie

My Bob's scent is a memory now. I used to smell it when I passed certain places throughout the house. Now it is in my heart. I don't know how else to say it. There came a time when I could stand to make it through a day, a week, a month without searching for the aftershave he wore. I used to see a nightlight reflected in the kitchen window over the sink. I'd smile and think of Bob like a guardian angel. Then one day, I didn't need that anymore. I couldn't see it. It was just that a piece of furniture blocking the light, but it was a reminder that I was stronger now, and didn't need to look for that light. Now I always feel his presence like I used to. I am comfortable with his memory. It is like I walked through the darkness, coming out on the other side where the sun shone brightly, and I could smile again.

Laurie I'm sorry for you.
I'm very lucky still after 5 yrs on March 12t, Kenny's work ball cap he wore everyday smells of him.
I know how you feek. There are times when I stick my whole face into that hat and smell. Makes him still here. Even after almost 5 yrs its still strong. I have it sitting ontop of his urn. If you have any of his aftershave I
Ve put it on a pillow its almost him.
Hugs hun

Laurie, your not alone, I found myself going around and looking for bits of his hair, from the haircut he gave him self only a couple of days before he passed away. I did howerver, keep his cologne. I occassionally smell it, I also kept his toothbrush for a long time, and would feel and smell it, weird I know. Much love and big hugs carla

I'm sorry you can't find anything with his scent on it. I read it's not uncommon for widows and widowers to want to smell their spouse's clothing. My wife washed her clothing and bedding shortly before she had her heart attack, so I couldn't even find her scent on her pillow.

A word of warning to anyone (not Laurie) who has very recently went through the death of a loved one. Don't get rid of their belongings until you've had time to think it through!

I recommend waiting months until you are sure you are comfortable with it. Even if you think you're rational, most people do not think clearly while grieving and often make decisions they later regret. There's generally no rush, so please give it time.

I just found one of his winter scarfs and its 2 yrs later...oh boy his smell was there!
Sometimes the little things are HUGE!

I drove the Taurus and she drove the Windstar. And of course I had all my guy-stuff in the Taurus and she had all her girl-stuff in the Windstar.
March 12th will be 9 months since Marylou crossed-over. I sold the Taurus in September, and now I drive the Windstar...but to this point I have just not been able to get rid of any of the girl-stuff that she had in there for herself. Just-in-case.

It is such a comfort to be in this group! what a treasure it is to drive the windstar with all of her girl stuff! . I never fathomed what it'd be like to lose the love of my life! I'm gathering every single thing of Mark that is possible. It's not a lot, but I'm keeping it (Lord willing ) for the rest of my time here.

Morey had the most beautiful hands.......I love men's hands, especially when their manicured. Morey's hands always smelled like his aftershave and I loved putting his hands to my cheeks and wafting my nose over them to smell them.

I searched our car for his gloves and I sleep with them when I want to smell him. It's amazing how leather holds onto odor.

Darrell, some of your suggestions were perfect.

Roz

I have a bottle of his cologne still. I spray my pillow with it so that I can smell him while I sleep.

Just before he was hit, I had bought him a new bottle of his cologne. 6 months after he died, Our 16 year old asked if he could use it. Not wanting to waste it I agreed, but catching a whiff of him drove me instantly to tears. I now have it carefully hidden in a drawer so I can get a whiff when I like. I try not to too much, because it drives me to tears too quickly, and I need to be strong for the boys.

t's been 3 years and I also have a bottle of his cologne that he wore once in a while. I used to spray a small amount in the air when I went to bed just so that I could fall asleep...
Last year , while sitting in the living room with our daughter all of a sudden I caught a whiff of that scent and my 22 year old daughter seeing the face I made said , "what is it? Do you smell it to? " Right there and then we knew that he must have come for a visit because we both smelled it and I had not sprayed any of his cologne in months .

Mark never wore any cologne. He never shaved. He only grew facial hair on his upper lip (mustache) and his chin. A few days ago I found the elk skin jacket in a tool shed that he made and wore for probably 10 years. He stopped wearing it a year or so ago as it was worn out. It has the forest smell which (although not his personal scent, is a smell always associated with him). I hold it, bury my face in it . I found his partially cut out and laced dark brown suede hides for his new coat he was making. And I have the elk skin dress he tailored and made for me about 17-18 years ago....my treasure.

Cliff did all of his laundry the day before he died, so when he died I had very little that had his scent on it other than the last clothes he wore and his old bathrobe. I used to wrap myself up in his robe and pretend it was him holding me so that I could sleep. When I found an old jacket of his in a storage closet a few years later I immediately buried my face in it to get his smell - there wasn't much, but it was something. I guess we all do that sort of thing....

I have a special box for his personal things which I have kept, and which also made the move from the US to England with me. I have very little left of his things, but what I do have I cherish. I have his love letters, and mine to him which he kept the whole 30 years we were together. I have his guitar picks he used to play for me. His jewelry, watches, weird goofy knick-knacks, and his groovy sunglasses collection. I also have all the poems he wrote, the songs he composed. Sigh...

Love and Hugs,
Martha