Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Yesterday was Brian's birthday, he would have been 37...the sun shined all day, although it was so windy I thought we might have wound up in Oz, it snowed on and off and at one point we had about 2 inches, then it all melted...The old me would have loved a day like this, we loved the snow, always thought it was so beautiful, now I just find I dont care, I can take it or leave it. We sent balloons to heaven with special messages, and cried buckets of tears....the day was even harder than I imagined it would be. Matthews balloon got stuck in a tree, and was not coming out...so the little tears turned into buckets of tears, as he tried to figure out how this balloon was going to make it to Heaven. He had many ideas, one including the fire dept. but in the end we went back to the store and bought more balloons. Sometimes I still cant believe hes gone, he isnt coming home, and I am just left here...life is so unfair, so cruel, and with that being said I am trying so hard to teach my son that life is good, and we have so many blessings that we need to be thankful for, I want so badly for him to have his faith and I am barely hanging on by my pinky.
As hard as it is we all have to cling to whatever we have.
God gave us memory so we can have roses in December.
Prayers for you and Matthew
That speaks volumes about the fine young man you are raising for Brian and for YOU! EVERYONE should have such a mother as you, who loves her son, and is ALWAYS watching out for him, his feelings, and nurturing his strengths even when you feel none of your own. the young mothers who have to try to make any sense of this craziness, and also be the rock and mentor at the same time? I am in awe of each and every one of you!
There is not ONE person who's faith is NOT tested when we lose someone we love so very much, including myself. NONE of us will EVER understand the "whys" of what sence this makes as much as we try, and it takes such a toll.
My children are older, but still at the age where they need someone to be there for them when they need to ask questions and I tell them that their dad is ALWAYS watching out for them, and now he is right inside of all of our hearts, and I DO truly believe it. Early on, it is BEYOND hard to i know. All you feel is that it is SO unfair that they were "taken".
We also send balloons up for special occasions, and I do sometimes "just because". Something I did that turned out to be wonderful for the kids and for the familym is an idea I got here from Carol (Dragonstarr55). It was naming a star for thier dad. I did it for them individually, and framed them as an added christmas present and they loved that MORE than anything else. You can do a dedication, and even involve your son in the process, so he will know that his dad IS one of those stars he looks at at night, and that his dad is watching over him always.
Painter of dreams is the webste if you are interested?
For you? right now BE frustrated! You have a RIGHT to be! And PLEASE come here when you are!!! You need to get out YOUR feelings and have them validated! whether it is here, or a trusted friend, or couselor, you need to talk about them, and be HEARD! You are carrying such a load, and doing it SO LOVINGLY, you also need friends who care. Please remember you have many here!
BIG HUGS and Happy birthday to Brian the man who made you so very happy and gave you such a wonderful son. Both of your legacy lies inside him. Diane
MJ