Sorry you are in so much pain. When I felt like that in the early months I would grab a blank piece of paper and write a letter to my husband and just let out all my feelings about how unfair it was, how much I missed him; anything that came into my mind. It would usually set off a crying jag but I felt so much better after.

I have a journal that i started 3 weeks ago. i write everyday, sometimes good things, sometimes so angry, that myblen goes through the page. I speak to him every night before gojng to sleep, usually crying alot. I am so angry!

I was like that in the beginning too. Angry at God and the world. I am slowly getting over my anger, but now I tell God that He has hurt me deeply. It's been 6 months for me. Prayers and hugs for you.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 19 months ago and did everything to avoid thinking about him the first several months. The pain was so great. I barely cried the first month. You will get to a point when you will think of him and smile. I still can't watch videos but I talk to him in my mind daily and sometimes out loud and do feel him with me at times. Be patient with yourself. This rollercoaster takes you all over the place. God Bless

Oh, how I feel your pain. I lost my dear husband three weeks ago today. I feel as if I have been kicked in the chest and can't catch my breath. And like Jdhayes, I keep asking God why he has hurt me so deeply. I thanked him every night for blessing me with my wonderful husband, and then He takes him away.

Lielie, I am also a new widow. My husband died of cancer on 14 Apr this year. I only looked at his pictures long enough to made a separate album to transfer to my kids for them and their kids. I don't think of him much, I don't have time to. He is in Heaven with the Savior, I am here struggling to make it through each day. Sometimes it all hits me out of nowhere, or someone will make a comment that hurts, and I have to struggle to keep from bursting into tears, sometimes I don't make it. I have to excuse myself, have my cry, and come back later. I am doing my best to clean his room, pack his clothes, decide what to keep, but I wouldn't even bother if I didn't so covet sleeping in a real bed regularly for the first time in years since he got sick. The room has to be cleared, cleaned, and I have to "make it mine" somehow. I am also trying to find work, trying to do all the things that come with being a new widow. My husband is dead. It hurts horribly, I miss him terribly. But I am here, and I have to go on -- somehow, I have to find a way. He is finally, finally well, and safe, with his family and mine, and friends that have already passed into eternal life. Meanwhile, back on here on the earth....
Life really does go on without so much as barely a condolence break, and there are bills to pay, chores to to do, pets to feed, cars that need oil and air in the tires, faucet leaks, laundry, etc., etc.,etc.. No, hon. I don't think it is all that unusual that you either avoid or don't have time to think about your husband. much. It's the nature of the beast called still being among the living. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Other people will sometimes be more than happy to do that for you, you know what I mean?

It is the left behind that suffers.the dead dont have to worry about anything,its
Us who has to pick up the shattered life thata left behind.dont feel bad and your not crazy you are just trying to survive

i have been doing the same thing lately, even actively steering my thoughts away from him when he comes to mind. i too feel very guilty about it but i think i've just reached the threshold of what i can bear. i need a break i think, some time to just exist. i know the thoughts and the horrible sadness will come back now and then, i don't know, i just don't have the energy to beat myself up for trying to stay alive any more. :(

Lielie,

I think its a normal reaction for some people to try to guard their thoughts and heart from something like this that has been so bad for us. We all grieve and deal with this stress in different ways. Keep strong and try to remember the good times. My heart and soul goes out to you.

Thank you so.much everybody. I had a very bad night last night. A year since the doctors broke his body. Tomorrow will be 2 months since rkobert passed, but months and years of pain and suffering for him. I feel the same as so many of you, life didnt stop for us. Sun is still rising in the east daily, the earth still turns on uts axle, even though our lives were broken into a million pieces. Kids need attention, dogs need to be fed, plants need water, yes, car broke and must be fixed. I am relieved to know that one day i will walk in the sun again. Strength, hugs and prayers to you all

It's important to take a break from grief once in a while - it drains a lot of energy away when you're grieving. Sometimes putting grief in the background gives you time to physically and emotionally to recover.

I am almost at the one year of the loss of my wife. I was the same way the first few months. Took all the picture down. Then one day I hung our wedding picture by the door in my bedroom. I kiss her everytime I walk by and tell her I miss and love her. That is the only picture I have up right now. The pain will ease some, but unfortunately it doesn't ever seem to go away

Our brains have a way of protecting us for a little while. As you time passes, the hurt will never go away, but in some ways you start to learn to deal with them not coming back, and can start to cope with a little more of the reality of them not here physically anymore. It is not easy, but what you are experiencing is completely normal, and it's a part of the grief... Much love and gentle hugs carla

Your message describes what I too am feeling. I am starting to question if I am grieving or clinically depressed. For me seeing his beautiful face, eyes and not being able to reach out and touch him is excruciating! I pray that in time I will be able to smile back at him, but until I feel stronger I am going to minimize these triggers. Not sure if that is the "right" thing to do, but I have no experience with this and am just trying to get by. Bless you and please know you are not alone.

I am sorry for your loss. My hubby died 15 months ago and you are not going mad. I would go into stores and places where we had been and just cry- it was terrible- i could not help it. I cope much better now, I think about how good he was to my family and I and am thankful for the 29 years we had. My pain is still there and when I am missing him, I listen to the voicemail messages he sent me when he called my phone. Stay strong, this is a good site since we are all there with you. HUGS.