Major,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There are no words to make it better, but know that the folks here are all dealing with the loss of a spouse. I lost my wife of 40 years in October and found this site a couple of months ago. The folks here are very caring and understanding and we are all somewhere on that journey through the tunnel of grief that you are starting on. Feel free to write about what you are feeling, I'm sure you will get supportive responses, but there really aren't any answers to take away the pain, We can just offer the support of listening and knowing that there are many others traveling that same path. In my case, I have found walking my neighborhood to be therapeutic, but I can understand how hard that would be to see that reminder of your loss each time. I will include you in my prayers and hope that you can find some relief for your pain and loss.
joe-

Thank you Joe what you said makes sense to me and I know what I need right now is the saport and being able to let my feelings out . I know I'm just starting out on a long journey to deal with all of this and tysvm again

Hi Major, my name is Scott or Scottie. I lost my wife of 30 years to cancer just over 3 years ago. Certainly not the trauma you have to deal with, but mine wrecked me just the same. This is the only time I ever lost total control over my emotions my entire life. And it's hard. In the snap of the fingers, life as we knew it is gone. I lost my only friend other than Jesus. I myself did most of the separating from her family, had my reasons and I'm sure those that separated from me had their reasons as well. I really lost the only one I needed to be with -- she was my best friend, my partner in life, and we just lived to make the other happy. I had to find out for myself what being truly alone was really like, and up until about 6 months ago, I did not enjoy the aloneness at all. But like so many changes, I came to a point of needing my alone time. It allows me time to process instead of just reacting. I'm still very emotional under the surface and it doesn't take much for me to get my feathers ruffled in my head. I've learned to sleep on things, and nearly all are gone from my head the next day and keeping my mouth shut is something that is allowing me to build a new life with new friends. And all that is really nice and good for me. But I'm telling you, I've got to have my alone time too. If I don't get that, I become unsettled. Grief is hard, harder than anything any of us have ever had to face. We lost our soul mate, half of our spirit, our anchor, our everything. But they would want us to move forward into another happy life eventually. And happiness by ourselves is possible. Just impossible early on, at least it was for me. Hang in there. Nothing you are going through is unique -- we all thought at one point or another we were loosing our minds. If you get nothing else from this site take this: There is nothing any of us go through after death occurs that is unique to any one person. Whatever it is, others have experienced like things and emotions. People here really get it. Unlike so many blank faces that don't have a clue what to say to us -- just like I was before I experienced the death of my spouse -- I didn't have a friggin' clue before. Scottie

Scott ty and I'm sorry for your loss. I'm still really just trying to get threw each day one day at a time and do what I can that day.

Major,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that finding DS was a good thing. I lost my husband of 25 years suddenly and unexpectedly. Finding support, friendship and understanding here at DS has helped me a lot. As the others have said its a hard road, a long road and a every changing road. It has been a little over 3 years for me and each day I hope for more understanding of this grief journey. Keep posting and keep reading others posts. Hugs to you and I send you thoughts and prayers for strength in the upcoming days. Remember one minute, one hour one day at a time is all you can do for now. Take care

Lisa

Ty lisa that means a lot. So today was not too bad I took a day to rest and relax and for the first time in months I slept in till noon time which for me is odd but I been dealing with a lot on top of losing my wife one of are cats past away and that was unexpected but she is in heaven with mommy now are cats are like are kids too us. But I'm also having trouble with my inlaws a small few of them bugging me about getting some of my wife's ashes and it's like chill. And let me grieve please but they don't seem to care or understand. I know this if Patrice was still alive she would be ashamed of them and bugging out on them. That brings a smile to my face thinking about how she was. I made a few dinners for the next 2 days to make things easier for me.

My heart goes out to you as you begin this journey of grief. The trauma you faced the day your wife was killed must make it all seem darker.
Please know, you are not alone. Facing grief is a process. Reach out here for support from all of us who have lost our spouses and significant others.
My husband passed in July of 2016. We were married 30 years. I too face the nights with my four legged friends as company. I am grateful for their presence.
Be kind to yourself and keep reaching out.

So today was not too bad I went to counseling and took my walk for the day its early for me but I'm thinking about just going to bed early but idk it's only 8:30pm idk just bored tonight and don't know what to do

Well I went out today and had lunch at the park were Patrice would go during the summer and sat there for 2 hours. It felt strange doing that without her but cconferting at the same time idk.

May strength and peace be with you.