Thanks for all the responses and support. I viewed my husband's headstone today and because of miscommunication with my daughter, went by myself. It went much better than I expected and it's beautiful. Maybe seeing it at the gravesite will be another story. I loved all the stories and original ideas that were shared. This is such a great site.

Our son went with me and we picked out the headstone...and I put a picture of my husband and I on it with his name and mine...our anniversary date... and his favorite scripture. "As for me and my house we shall serve the Lord" .They called me when it was being delivered...so we went out there. It is a beautiful headstone. I did cry... its just another reality check ..this is real..he is gone...but I find a lot of comfort in going there. I dont stay long..I check and make sure it is clean... that the flowers look good, and tell him that I love and miss him...Hang in there...Debbie

I didn't see Cliff's headstone until it was in place. I had designed it after discussing it with our sons and consulting with the funeral home as to what was possible within the price range I could afford. It was 2 years before I had it set. I am glad I waited - I know it's different for everyone, but I don't think I would have made as good a decision as I did if I had done it early on. I was also through the worst of the financial stuff - Cliff left no money or life insurance - so I was in a better place money-wise and had a better idea emotionally what was good for me and our sons. We were pleased with how the stone turned out, and I think Cliff would have approved.

I own the plot next to Cliff's as a precaution. It is unlikely I will be buried there, and my siblings know it is basically for whichever of us in Florida goes first. My parents are buried in California, as are Cliff's, so this is the closest thing to a "family plot" that we will get.

I don't feel close to Cliff at the cemetery, and my sons hate going there. Each time we've gone, we have laid flowers and said prayers and any other messages we want to convey. But I don't feel him there, and like I say, the kids hate it. I feel his spirit is free now, not tied to a stone.

When I die I will be buried wherever I was living at the time. That's the family custom. It might be England, it might be California, it might be Florida, or even Timbucktoo. I think it's good to make some kind of provision for it wherever you are living. I'm still waiting to see if England is going to be our permanent home before I buy a plot here. Wherever we wind up, I will plan for it, as I don't want my guys to have to sort it out.

Love and Hugs, Martha