Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I have been reading Sharon's discussion about Dating After Loss - I think you did a great job with that Sharon. As usual with that subject, people seem to feel very strongly. What I am wondering is if anyone has changed their minds with time? At first I was sure I would never even consider dating, but now at 18 months I find I am more open to the idea. I really would love to have a "special" guy in my life again - a friend to do activities with and just "hang out" with, and maybe even another romance! I'm not at all sure about the re-marriage thing as that gets complicated - I am not sure I would really want to share everything with another person again, from my bed to my bank account......but just the fact that I becoming open to the "dating" thing has surprised me. Anyone else out there find they are changing their view? laurabp
I am moving forward in my life but another mate is likely not in the picture for me. Although I am and will continue to lead a meaningful active life.
...then my path crossed with an 'old' friend, actually a guy I dated in HS(!!) and we are now very committed to each other. The whole thing really *borrowing a phrase from the 70's* blew my mind!
We've talked about marriage, I surprised myself when I discovered I'm rather 'old fashioned' about things, like traveling together, etc. We've both got children and other quirks to work out, I'm in no hurry and he's not pressuring me. I must say it feels wonderful to laugh with someone! It feels GOOOOOD! So, for now, I'm pleased to be sharing experiences with him and I'm hopeful that it will continue.
Good luck to everyone!
~AJ
I will not put the cart before the horse and think about marriage because I know I am not yet receptive to that part yet.
Yes, my attitude has changed in this regard. The change has been gradual, and to tell you the truth it has surprised me.
As I've mentioned in another post, if I've learned anything from this journey of loss it's that nothing ever stays the sameemotions, attitudes, happiness, security, plans. I'm challenged to keep an open mind about a great deal of things that maybe a few years ago I would have had a firm, unchangeable opinion. Each day we move forward, we learn something new about ourselves. Life sort of does that to us, doesn't it? It's humbling. TJ
The question that has to be answered is: "Would I rather be lonely or take a chance to be damaged?" For some it seems to work out beautifully, but at my age (almost 64) it becomes riskier to think about a relationship.
For myself at this point, I am not looking for anyone. I think about my husband so very much and that is okay. In my mind, no one could even compare to him.
I agreed to lunch, separate cars, separate checks, but a date!! Absolutely Not! I was determined to be on my own for the rest of my life. That was February 2010.
Now June 2010 I can announce to you all my life has drastically changed for the better. I have someone who loves me, cares about me, supports me emotionally, and I love him.
How's that for changing your mind? LOL
I'm open to the option of dating and finding someone that I enjoy spending time with and most of all, just talking to. To find someone that would be a good, positive role model for my teen girls is very important to me and they do come first in my life, but I know that I do have to make myself happy. I've put making other people happy above my own happiness and this whole experience has taught me that I need to take time for myself.