Happy Fathers Day to all fathers we have lost. I have been dreading this day since my husband died 3 months ago. I woke up this morning to find my son awake at 6am, usually he sleeps to 11am. He told me he was fine but I know he is not. I cried myself to sleep last night. I haven't done that in weeks, I thought I was OK but I guess I am not. I think my upcoming trip is weighing on me. Last time I went back east to visit my family I was burying my grandmother. 2 weeks later my husband was in the hospital and shortly after that he passed. Four months after my last visit I am returning as a widow and my children fatherless. It feels too unreal. I know I will have to retell my story. All they had were updates via the telephone as he was sick and dying. This will be the first time I see everyone face to face. I know they care and will be sensitive but there is never a good way around the questions. Not sure what I will do today. We had talked about going bowling as that is one of the things my husband enjoyed but to tell the truth my heart is not into it and i get the impression my boys feel the same. We have to find out own tradition.  I wish he was here to enjoy the day with his sons. I hope he is enjoying it where ever he is at with his father. Happy Fathers Day Honey!