It's easy for an in-law to over react and try to lay blame. Just chalk it up to their emotions, and maybe some guilt of their own... Our days are all written in stone, the day we are born. No need to coulda, woulda, shoulda yourself. Nor, do I doubt your husband would wish you to... He is healthy, happy, and a peace now. Grieve your loss, and try to find those same things for yourself, during the remainder of your own journey here. You'll be reunited one day. Go in peace

You did what you thought was best at the time. It can't be changed and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Like Shelby says - it was meant to be and your husband understands.

It's a blame game people play. They need to express anger at the situation and i have found it often gets placed on the nearest person. It was told to me my mother inlaw wished he never married because then he would have been in the accident; it's an insane thought, we would have been married 6 years next week, but she had to express her feelings somewhere. I still play the what if game, and it gets me nowhere just in a funk. I find distractions very helpful, grab a book and sit in the sun, it doesn't matter if you remember what you read it occupies your mind.

I can't turn off the if I had onlys. I know that God chose for him to go right then or he would be with me no matter what I did. But it conflicts sometimes with my "if I had onlys..." My only solice is that I messed up all of the time and he always loved me with everything he had. I know he still does.

All of this is normal. None of us wanted this to happen to our loved one and we all made the best decisions at the time with the information we had. Trust me, I have thought about all the woulda, shoulda, coulda's as well and it leads nowhere but further into depression. It definitely does not help you in your grief journey. And even if we did make a different decision, it doesn't mean the outcome would of been any different. It takes time but it does get easier, you will always love and miss your loved one but the unbearable pain does subside. Take care, Gary

thank you everyone! it helps to read your comments and i have to keep telling myself i did everything i could...i was with him all day, didn't eat and shower to take care of him. I went to visit him at the gravesite today, i placed a feather in-between the flowers i had left there yesterday. We used to always see feathers together and say " a feather for fun".
It's been a hard day..and thank you for your feedback!! it helps to know im not alone

No one needs to lay blame at our feet, we do quite well on our own taking responsibility for the lost of our loved one. If only...I should have...Should have been me....Wasn't suppose to be...
All part of the roller coaster ride that is grieve. The guilt eventually went away about the same time acceptance rolled in.

Once acceptance rolled in, I realized that I could answer those guilt questions . It all came down to one common answer. I am human and do not have that much power .

"What if I had gotten him help sooner" --- On a gut feeling and to the annoyance of my husband , I had him going to Urgent Care when it all began the few months prior when he was sent back home with a diagnosis of upper track infection .

"Why did I not bring him to the bigger hospital ?"--- I pleaded with him, he did not want to go and once he did , it was already too late .

Once acceptance set in and I revisited all the "What if ?" , I realized that I did everything I could . I was not a doctor (even they missed the clues) , I was not psychic , therefore could not predict and more important I was not a higher power who could play with someone else 's life.

I also realized that others may try to lay blame my way because they are hurting and that is their pain to work through not mine to take on.

You will put yourself in a very dark place entertaining guilty feelings. In all honesty if we were to do it all again we would do the same thing. No one can tell the future. We are looking backwards using that hind site which is only useful for learning from mistakes, but can have a nasty side to it to. Like now when our heart wants an answer and to understand why this happened. So we question ourselves to try and blame someone. In truth there is no one to blame, it's life and the plan. I drove myself crazy telling me that only if I had stayed home or returned home like I was about to that morning, Linda would be here. The fact is if I went back I would go to work that morning like every other morning and the outcome would be the same. There was no indication that I needed to stay because something was going to happen. My wife went to heaven because it was time for her to go back home. It was time for suffering to be over and to be at peace, Our time will come in our time.
So please do not listen to anyone who wishes to analyze your decision or question what happened. It was going to happen no matter what. Stay away from quilt it will destroy you.
I try to keep in mind that my wife would not want me to live the remainder of this life that way. And I don't believe anyone here had a spouse who would them to either.
Please take care of yourself.
Peace, Tim