First, HUGS on such a great topic!!!

I myself, am a pay it forward type. I got so much kindness, compassion, love from G, that I'd have to pay that back!

I now visit my MIL on a weekly basis, make sure she has meals, change bedding, whatever needs doing.

I give to the charity that his illness is from, as well as his SIL who has Ms I walk for them, and also give.

I also have much more compassion for wisows than I ever thought possible. I thoughtI was before, but now I understand as well as feel for the people in my shoes now.

When I'm on an expressway, I now pay tolls for the people behind, me,let people in front of me at the grocery store, help people in the parking lot, if they are short of cash, I give it...etc.

I'll NEVER be able to pay back what I got from here after G's passing, but sure will try!!! :-)

Diane

I thought I was a compassionate person before, but now I am more aware of those around me, including strangers. During my husband's illness and after his death, I have found so many considerate, compassionate people, including strangers, who were there for me during some very difficult times. As Diane said, I try to help others whenever I can. Even just a kind word. Many times just a small thing someone did or said made a big difference to me and I won't forget that. We never know what burdens others may be carrying. In that respect, I am a better person. Take care, Sandra

I think most - but not all - can become better people. I think perhaps most of all is the ability to relate to, understand and help other people who are experiencing great difficulty.

Any experience in life is an opportunity to learn and change. Granted, the death of our spouse is an extreme learning experience. We expect to lose our parents so their passing is one of sorrow and missing them but not compared to losing a spouse. The loss of your best friend, lover and partner in life brings us face to face with our own mortality. It happened to them, it could happen to us. We ask why God chose to take our husband/wife, if it were someone else, our next door neighbor perhaps or our sister or brother's spouse they would ask why them. As cold as it seems to say, and believe me it hurts to say...why not me. Has his death made me a better person? I am closer in my relationship with God. I understand widowhood and know compassion for this loss as never before but we always say unless you have lost a spouse you really don't understand. I am blessed to not be bitter and angry in my loss. We had a wonderful marriage and relationship, I have no regrets. I have found this community which I have learned so much from and in the experiences I continue to have in life I continue to learn...stop learning and become stagnate...truthfully though...I could have gone without this lesson. Am I a better person? I am a changed person.

Widowhood definitely changes us. Hopefully, we all will become more compassionate and wish to help others more. I certainly have done so. Like Linda, I could have gone w/o this lesson for quite a long time -- IF it were up to me. Of course, God knows what He is doing, even if it wasn't what I wanted. The Lord has been my guide through these past 3 yrs. and 9 months -- when I let Him, and even when I wasn't particularly listening to Him. He carried me through the valleys and helped me up the mountain side of this journey of grief. When I sink back down towards the valley, He is ever present to uplift me again. My family and friends have been close also, but, not as close as the Lord.
Good topic. Yes, I am changed forever, not because I wanted to be, but, because I had to change. The compassion was always there, and, now it is even more so. Feeling others pain has always been one thing that I could feel. Lifting them up to the Lord in prayer is now ever present in my daily life. Before, I prayed for others; now, it is even more tangible to me.
Hugs, Joely

Pay it forward is a great thing like Diane said. try and volunteer in a local nursing home or soup kitchen ....you meet some pretty awesome people and I loved listening to their stories it makes it seem like I don't have it that bad. Luv to you....Lisa

I know I have changed, and I hope it's for the better. There are things that I am doing now, like mentoring a child, that I wouldn't have done before.
I'm tell my family I love them, every chance I get. I am more compassinate to people. When you have such a loss, it has to change you. I know you have to grow. The pain that you have to go thru, is the worst. But, if you can come through that, you can go thru almost anything.
I look at ways, that God puts things in front of me, to react to them in a positive way. You never know, when you will be a blessing in someone's life.
Paula

Yes, it has changed me. I've always been a caring person, but now it is so more profound. I had given blood many times before cancer entered our lives, and heard that blood saved lives. It was just academic for me for many years, but when my husband was in ICU, barely alive following failed surgery, he was given a blood transfusion and it immediately brought him back up and he went on the live another year. I remember so keenly watching that bag of blood going into my husband's body, and I finally understood what the gift of blood is. It is a miracle and is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Since I am Type O Negative, the universal donor (meaning anyone can receive my blood, no matter what their type is), I give every 8 weeks. I am passionate about it now. It is so easy to do and the giftis irresplaceable. I'm thankful God nudged me into this knowledge and realization. This is one good thing came out of this painful situation.
Kathleen

Kathleen-I do want to thank you for donating your blood. What a wonderful gift to help someone who is so ill. My Jim received many transfusions when he was ill and if no one had donated he would have died much sooner than he did. Now my 92 year old father is donating blood as he too is type O-universal donor. Once again thank you.

correction 82 year old father

I used to get mad when I heard "healing through grief" or "growing through grief" for I did not believe those words should be in the same sentence. Grief hurts!!! Healing and growth are supposed to be good and gentle experiences. How can they co-exist?

Well, it's been 14 months since I lost my dear husband and I have learned to heal through the expression of my grief.

And I am making the choice to grow, grief or not (see, there's still a bit of the stubborn in me and I guess Lininsocal and others said it best "I could do without this experience).

Yes, I am changed. I now have to stand on my own two feet. Make all the financial decisions and sell my house. I still hate being alone, particularly in the evening, but I know I am blessed to have children and grandchildren, who I can visit whenever I want.

I like that idea of paying it forward and will look into volunteering a little later on. I also thought I was a compassionate person before, but now I pay more attention to strangers, let them in front of me in lineups, etc. etc.

Growing, yes. Do I like it? No. I wish I had David back in my arms. But I will survive and this group has helped me tremendously.
Great topic.

Thanks, friends. I guess I just can't see going through this much miesery without some gain. You DS'ers inspire and help me on an almost daily basis. I love your ideas on grwoth and will think long and hard! (and maybe even DO something!)