My heart is with you,
All I know is dealing with the loss of your husband is enough, emotional turmoil and now you have extra complications.
I am so sorry, for your loss.
If you can find some counselling, maybe church, pastoral or private. Maybe that would help you sort through some of your feelings right now.
You are in my prayers,
Love and peace,
Sandra

So sorry for your loss. I can not pretend to imagine how you are feeling with this bit of news. I found during the early stages of grieving that anger was an outlet. Something different than sorrow. So If I was in your position I would embrace the anger and let it help me heal.
Hugs, Sandi

I can't begin to imagine the emotions you must be feeling at this bit of news. Are you absolutely sure it is true? If you are sure then let your anger flow. If you are not sure take the high road and remember the good times. If it were me and this news was true my grieving period would be over. I would embrace the anger and I think I then would be very able to move on. I will pray that you find the way that is right for you.

I am so sorry for your loss and the additional emotional turmoil that you are now going through. It is dreadfully unfair and my heart goes out to you. Here are my thoughts for what they are worth.
1. You had a 27 year marriage. I am sure like all marriages; it had its share of the bitter with the sweet. I loved my husband with all my heart, but he wasn't perfect, and we both made our fair share of mistakes.
2. If your husband was having an affair it is not your fault and you should not be trying to figure out what you did wrong. People make mistakes for all kinds of reasons. In my profession I have handled numerous divorces for people who were unfaithful. It was never something the spouse did that made the other person go out and have an affair. It was some other issue, ie personal inadequacies, trying to feel young, etc.. that caused the affair.
3. Right now you need to concentrate on you. Be kind to yourself and try to take care of yourself. You have lost your husband and an integral part of your life. Just try to take baby steps.
Sending you positive thoughts and a hug.

I am very sorry for your loss. To be suffering from his heart attack and losing him is very hard, but to then be told he was unfaithful is a double strike. I wish I could say something to help you feel better, but there are no answers. Big hug for you. Sharon

Mea, why do you have to forgive him? He's gone. Your marriage is gone. And, the past is in the past.

It is now time, my dear, to pick up the pieces of your life....shattered as they may be....and, start mending them. It's not going to be easy but I would start with something that makes me happy: If it's travel, go; if it's being with friends, go; if it's being with children, be with them; if it's sitting in your bedroom and going through "stuff" and throwing "stuff" away, do it! If it starting a journal and writing until your fingers hurt, do it!

Be proactive in whatever you do decide to do! You're the master of your ship now and where it goes is TOTALLY UP TO YOU! Take charge of your life now!

It's so darn liberating to take charge of something......no matter how little it be.....it just feels so good to finally do things YOUR WAY!

Your husband made decisions about what he wanted his life to be and thought he was making them for you too......WRONG! Your in charge now!!!!!

Take care, tell us what you decided to do!

Roz

I feel for you. It's NOT your fault and I wouldn't waist any more time on that. Instead put your energy into your kids. Try really hard not to bad mouth your husband to them since that will always be their father. Let them remember him in a positive way. If it was me, I would also try to remember the positive and I think this news would help me to move on faster. Definitely embrace the anger you must be feeling. If you don't let it out in a healthy way and just keep it stuffed down..it will catch up to you eventually in some negative way.

What a difficult situation to be in--you so want to talk with your husband and confront him and hopefully resolve your broken relationship but he is not here any more. I know the months it took to heal Jake's and my marriage when he became involved with another woman.

I don' know what your beliefs are, but I think there is still healing that can occur even after death. You can talk to your husband, scream at him if necessary and be consoled that he hears you. People don't cease to exist after death, as much as it seems that way to us. Working through your pain with a counselor may be of benefit also. They are familiar with these problems and can help you work through the myriad emotions that you are experiencing.

I would like to add that many of us had our spouses die with unresolved issues in the marriage. Maybe not infidelity but other things that were very painful. I learned that I had to just ride the waves of pain until they finally subsided. Counseling helped me tremendously to clarify and resolve many issues that I was left with at Jake's death. I hope that you are able to find a place of peace as you work through all of this.

So sorry for your loss. I will say this to you at least you are just now finding out. My honey passed on a friday nite by saturday 12 noon I was getting inboxes on facebook. Yes it made me question a lot and become very angry with him. But after 2 months and FINALLY listening to what my friends and family told me. I have let all of the drama and negativity go! DO NOT LET ANYONE TAKE AWAY THE LOVE YOU GUYS HAD. I have come to terms that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes but that does not mean he did not love and care for you and the children. No matter how hard it is focus on the good times. It will take time but once you get there you will be just fine. Be angry, sad, whatever you need to do but don't let it take over your life. Because you still have a LIFE to live and regardless of what he would not want you doubting anything y'all had. People make mistakes. LOVE YOU

Whatever the issues were, he is no longer here. And, you were together until death parted you. I am praying that you will remember all the wonderful memories you had together. Don't let this define your faithfulness to each other. We all have something in our marriage that needs forgiveness and as time moves on, it will diminish in importance. Believe me I know.

First of all, I am very sorry for your loss and the infidelity. I think many couples probably have unresolved issues when one dies suddenly, and it immensely complicates the grieving process. You miss this person desperately, but you're still angry at them. And what's worse, it feels disloyal to speak negatively about them, so you keep it to yourself.

Speaking from experience, I would say to feel your anger and hurt. Don't try to ignore it because it will come out in other ways. Find someone you feel safe talking to - a friend, counselor, religious advisor, a journal, etc - and let it all out. And don't feel guilty about whatever you say. You're allowed to feel that way.

After I acknowledged that it was okay to be mad I was able to work through it and move on. I came to a point where I was able to focus on the good memories, and with those came forgiveness. I hope you find some peace. Please know you're not alone.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words! Two weeks ago, I have started talking with a counselor and he suggested that I start writing in a journal and when the time comes, I can destroy it. That has helped a little. Unfortunately, it's still raw for me and I'm still finding out more stuff that's so hurtful. I agree, his infidelity IS NOT MY FAULT; however, it hurts me to the core to know that he couldn't talk to me before venturing out into that world.

I know it will take time, but right now I can't think of the good times because I'm hurt. All I see is anger and hatred towards him because of how little he thought of our marriage. My daughter thinks it was a mid-life crisis. Maybe...

I'm so grateful to have found this website. Thank you again for your support!