Hi,

I lost my boyfriend 7 years ago also. I think I know what you mean by a wall. I can't even look at pictures except one or two I have nearby. Everyone said it would get better and I am not at that horrible grieving stage but it is just worse. Now I am questioning if he ever loved me and if he did he would have taken steps when we were together to marry me or make more money. The economy was worse then and a lot of people were suffering so I can't blame him. I feel like I am older and unable to go on. Like the holidays. I don't even want to celebrate but I go through the motions because everyone else wants to celebrate. No one can really understand what we are going through. They say you have memories but those are fading and I can't remember some things we did together because of my self imposed block. Sometimes it is just too painful to remember even the happy times. I really wish I could give you an answer but I am questioning why it is so bad still. I hope you find peace. I keep praying for that.

QP

There's a song that says In the cracks the light shines in...your starting to heal and find joy again :) With my husband who past this March 2016 I think he is in a better more serene place never gone from my heart but becomes a part of it...meditation is helping me and walks...and people such as You . Thank you :)

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Grief is such a difficult thing. Memories are fading for me as well. Some of the bad times after his death are standing out more. I had a girl that he was friends with tell me she could see him & talk to him once he passed and that he was in love with her not me. She also told me she was pregnant by him a few weeks after he passed (not true). I know he loved me his family tells me all the time it's just hard because he's not here anymore and now I'm questioning a lot of things.

Hi, I lost my wife about 2 months ago, and what I'm learning about grief is that allowing yourself to mourn helps you to heal. Witnessesing the physical decline of my wife in the hospital has haunted me; it'wasn't until I talked to my councillor that those memories stopped being intrusive. It was as if I needed to process the experience before I could let it go. I found journaling about my experience helped too. Good luck with everything, and good for you for reaching out to get help!

You know after I wrote you I felt guilty saying I was mad at my boyfriend for leaving me. As if he had a choice. I guess I was having a bad week and remembered how much he helped me through all the rough patches. I am sure your boyfriend loved you. I wonder the same thing also. The hardest part is the memories. The bad are so intrusive and the good fades. Partly because even remembering the good hurts. I couldn't remember if I had gone somewhere with him or someone else. And trying to recall was too painful. People say you have your memories but I would take faded memories if he were still here. Its not the same. Hopefully we can all remember the good.

QP