It all goes off the rails for me too when I try to do something Bill always took care of. It begins with good intentions and determination and disintegrates into frustration, sadness and weeping in short order.

pity [pit-ee] Show IPA noun, plural pities, verb, pitied, pitying.
noun
1.sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, or misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid or to show mercy: to feel pity for a starving child.

You would feel pity for anyone else in this situation, why not for yourself as well? Why are we more kindly disposed towards others than ourselves? Be kind to yourself. It's all normal, all necessary and you need not judge yourself and make grieving something you could possibly fail at or improve on. (this falls under the "here take my advice, I'm not using it" category.")
Wishing you a much better day. ((())) Sue

Bad Day...... Went to pay my utilities, car kept stalling out in driveway. Got it together, paid the bills. Saw the corner mechanic, he said he would have to replace the part, tomorrow,but I have to go get it. Called to get it, will be in tonight. I can't drive in the dark. So, the lawnmower won't start. Charged battery, still won't start. OK.... will weedeat , nope the line went around the motor. I think is broke. So, got out the chainsaw, of course, he blade came off, I cant get it back on. The city is throwing a fit, gonna ticket me if I don't get my weeds gone, they are 12 inches tall. I sprayed round up yesterday. didn't kill them.....I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

My first reaction was it's both and both are allowed. Pity parties are ok too, who deserves one more than us? I do like not labeling them, but my personality is too analyitical to get away with that!! So just accept them and release the tears. It's screaming and throwing things in public that causes trouble. Sharon

Yes, I understand that feeling of "no back-up"...it fades away at times (after 2 years), but today it hit me hard. I'm thankful we can share our feelings here at DS, we are never alone. (((HUGS))) Nancy

I think like this..if we can have compassion for everyone else we encounter in our life, why can't we have it for ourselves.

Be kind to yourself as you would another. Stop bruising your spirit more, grief is hard enough....have compassion for yourself.

Definition of COMPASSION: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Sometimes in order to see the rainbow in life again, we have to feel the rain and not open up our umbrellas. Grief is love..that is all. It will always be with us regardless of the time, year, day. Some days it will be light, some days it will be so heavy hearted that the scales will tip to the floor that even all the Kettle Bells in the world will not level it. So again, feel it, embrace and hope and believe tomorrow will be a lighter load. Be kind to you.

When I took the pressure of society, of family and even my self off of me..I was able to breathe again. At a time I did not want to stand but here I am standing alone....moving forward with I thought was the impossible.

Tight hugs to all of you.

I agree with those who say don't try to label it. It is such a mixture of emotions that seem to change, sometimes minute to minute. I feel empty, lonely, sad, angry, cheated, unmotivated - I could go on. What bothers me most is that I cannot seem to feel happy. Occasionally, I will look at a picture of my wife and smile - probably thinking about a feeling I had when she was near me. When something "good" happens for my boys, I don't have my wife to share it with. I can't call her to say hello or bring her flowers and see her smile. So, for me the worst part of whatever this is is the lack of happiness and joy. Fortunately, here, I read of those beginning to have those feeling of happiness and joy again. This gives me hope. Thanks to all for listening.

I took a Dealing with Death class years ago after my daughter died and the reason we grieve, is for ourselves (at least that is what they told us) as the deceased one is not in any pain, they have gone to a better place. Depending on what a person believes, depends on where the loved one is.

My only thought when bigbear died was I was glad he wasn't in pain anymore, he wasn't going to suffer anymore, the only one who was, was me. I thought I had worked through all of the turmoil as I had 4 years of getting ready, or so I thought. When he died it all went out of the window, I hear a certain song, I cry...I smell a familiar odor, I cry...I see a tall, large man reminding me of bigbear, I cry...I see happy couples together reminding me of what we had and what I'm missing, I cry....not every time just some of the time....38 months here and at times life is easy and at other times, as my daddy would say: "life's a bitch". But as a survivor, bigbear knew I'd survive and so will ALL of US, we all need to go with the flow, have our bad days, cry, feel sad and on the good days feel blessed we had our spouse, remember the great times, the not so great times and our memories. I'm going to love him, miss him and remember our time together.....hugs, Sandi

forgot to add, don't label it...to me it's a waste of time to try and label what or how I feel....

You are hurting. That is both normal and understandable. You are allowed to cry ((SOFTEST HUGS))