Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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maryelnew 02/04/2016

does anyone else feel this way? Of course I am grieving my husband, my best friend, lover, soulmate, buddy and pal. That is a grief that I don;t think will every truely go away and I am still even a long way to standing steadily on my feet. But in addition to that I also and am starting to feel a separate grief for the identity of being part of a couple that I used to be. It is a lesser grief and feels completely separate than my grief for Ron. Does anyone else feel this way?

Shrn 02/04/2016

I called it 'aloneness ' rather than loneliness. I was very uncomfortable in being without that constant person who shared my life and dreams. Coming home to the emptiness was a reminder. This was the point I began searching for what I enjoyed. Even reading seemed different without the interruption of my husband calling my name. Yeah, I missed even that. But I persisted and it got a little easier. I even learned to bring my book to the river and gaze at the ships going by. You will find things that hold you in time and the you will begin to form your own life. Hugs, Sharon

cgriff4ever 02/04/2016

mary yes.. everytime I see a couple and smile, they look at me as if I dont know what it's like to be a couple with someone. Just makes me seem like I'm far away, from them, and their coupledom...make me very sad... to think, I will have to start all over with someone new, the cat/mouse games.. which I dont do. tired of the mad dating/courting scene....just not sure, if I want to travel that road again... just a thought, same thing we all went through or thought of before we met our special loves... or maybe not, if you were high school sweet hearts.. It was my third marriage, and I had lost all faith, until I told god, I would wait patiently for my true llove, was single and celibate for quite a while, then he brought me my sean.. and I was so thankfull, I had met the man of my dreams, finally third time is a charm, then he passed away.. Sigh, just not sure there will be a second true love for me.... but Im putting faith in god, sorry not meaning to offfend anyone, so forgive my talk of god. that is just my faith, and Im not going to pretend I dont believe in god... I love you all, and respect you all, so anyone of different faith, just know i respect your ideals/ideas. Much love and biig hugs carla

carrie415 02/04/2016

I call it de-couplingAlthough I have accepted many invitations to be with my friend couples, Lately I find myself making excuses. I don't know where I fit in at this time.

cliffskat 02/07/2016

We identify ourselves in part by our roles in this world. I remember having to fill out forms and having to face no longer being able to tick the "married" box, that really hit home. I wasn't "single" - I haven't been single in decades.

I do prefer being part of a couple, so did Cliff. It's why we each promised the other that if anything happened that whoever was left would go ahead and try to find love again. I didn't try to find love again, it found me - love is kind of like that sometimes.

I am sorry you are having to go through this.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

raininseattle 02/07/2016

Since I'm not especially social, I felt less of that aspect, but I felt lost mostly with my role with her.

There are a couple of passages written regarding this aspect of loss. For brevity, I am including the links to them
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/5057601/journal/14079165
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/5057601/journal/14079179

Nicker07 02/07/2016

Yes and it ticks me off.

Our couple friends we went to dinner with, movies with, rode horseback with, snowmobiled with all act like I have the plague. Even when in our small mountain community has get togethers I sit by myself IT ALL makes me feel more alone. Yes I can sit by them and converse for a few words than shut down. Its been 5 years and its still the same.

deleted_user 02/08/2016

Yes! This subject is so difficult. Because Morey was sick for so long and I had to do so much without him.....I actually got used to the "table for one!" That said, I am a particularly social being. I love to do social things and I love the company of others. I like being amongst the crowd. I'm okay, if left alone to just observe but I prefer to be coupled with someone.

I, too, miss being part of a couple. The grief of this loss is so real.

Although, I don't think I'll ever want to live with someone again. I don't think my heart could take it!

Mary, I so understand what you're feeling.

Roz

tim57 02/09/2016

Every time I run an errand we ran, every time I accomplish something I want to share with her, every time something comes up if it's a big problem or little one it seems overwhelming because I don't have my partner in life to share it with and so it seems much worse than it is. I get thru it but I don't want to without her. I call this an "amputation of the heart" because the one we were is now a half with the other half gone home without me.
Peace, Tim

jeffpatton 02/09/2016

Oh my how I understand this...

I feel like I'm simply existing... like I'm on hold. I see others flying by me and my car is stalled on the freeway...

I'm starting to get a little preachy too, like when a coworker scoffed when his wife called him during the day... oh man how I wish my wife would call me again... I just started crying telling him to never feel that way about his wife... and I was probably a crying, slobbering fool of a person too... oh well.

She was always there, in the background.

Hell ever looking at pictures of our old house, I knew she was inside alive at the time I took that picture...

Roads we drove on, parking lots we parked at. Restaurants we ate at, places we walked hand in hand. Grocery shopping, movies, date night... all gone.

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