Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my loved one in October of last year. He died of colon cancer after a 4 year struggle. I keep remembering various stages of his illness. They just pop into my head mostly when I am driving to and from work. Is this normal? I try not to dwell on it and I don't, mostly on a day to day basis I am fine. Of course I still cry, but I get over it more quickly now.
Cavewifelost
Deb321, based on what I've read on this board and I what my own heart tells me, I don't think Dave is ever going to stop popping into my head, nor should he. I spent 24 wonderful years with him and I was going to be with him for the rest of my life, no doubt about that. He had been battling cancer for two years and was not anywhere close to being ready to give up. We were both anxious for him to start chemotherapy again so that he could get rid of the horrible side effects of his cancer. In the end, and very suddenly and unexpectedly, it was those side effects that killed him. I often think about the various stages of his illness. He had good days when we were very hopeful and he had bad days when I was thankful that he was so strong that he could get through them. His nickname was Caveman and he was the toughest guy that I ever met in my life. Cancer is an evil beast though, and got him in the end. I hope that, like you, over time those thoughts will lessen and I will get over there more quickly. I also hope that those thoughts will be replaced with happier memories and happier times. I don't want my memories of him to be of his illness. I want to remember him as the strong, tough, joyous man that he was. I know that's the way he would want to be remembered. I wish you well. <3 Anita
Deb321
Thanks Anita! I wish you well too!!!
Lielie
Hi. I was just thinking the same thing this morning while at work. From January my husnabd was in a hospital about an hours drive from home. I will sit here and suddenly I think of the raod, of the hospital, of the taxis blarring music outside the hospital gate, that road to the ward, and then suddenly the ICU, those steps where I sat for hours because I couldn't go in. It happens so much. While he was in hospital he would whatsapp me and tell me how he feels, when am i coming, what did the doctor say. In an unguarded moment a week ago my phone went off and I thought, Robert is whatsapping me. WHAM!!!!!!! Shock back to reality. I think maybe my brain needs to put the craziness from January till he passed in MArch in focus, as it was so hectic, I feel I missed a month or so somewhere. it is nicer to remember the good times, the laughing, the hugs, making dinner, but for some reason my brain blocks those for now. I wish you strength and blessings
Deb321
Thank you for sharing. Perhaps this is a normal part of the grieving process. I wish the strength and blessings as well!!
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