Grief is not a sprint...it is a long long journey and takes you to places that you did not even know existed. You are still early in the process.

I know some people that stayed in the numb auto pilot stage for over a year, and others that never grieved at all for a couple of years and then it hit them all at once. Sooner or later we all grieve. Whether it is right away, months, years, or ten years...everyone grieves sooner or later. I am glad that you are doing so well at this point....but you are still so new in the process of grieving that it is just too soon to say that you never felt one part or another or grief.

One thing we learn here really early on is that we each have our own timeline. One way or another we have to learn to place one foot in front of the other and go out into uncharted waters to create a new life....(the hard part is it is not a life that we chose to have), but it is a new life none the less that incorporates our loss in it. We carry our loss with us even as we heal more and more over lots and lots of time. We never forget...nor would we want to. I can now mostly remember my late husband with a smile. I am at 4 years, 3 and a half months...
hugs..
-Diana

In my experience, the mistake is to think that the stages - or impacts if you prefer - that Kubler-Ross described are gone through in a straight line - i.e., 1, 2,3, etc. I found them all to occur but some would pop up again and again. It was more back and forth than a straight line.

I first learned about the stages of grief as enumerated by Kubler-Ross when Cliff got into alcohol recovery. As part of the education that we both got, we knew he would grieve the loss of the comfort of his alcohol. We both had to be prepared for that. So regardless of why the stages were first written about, in my experience they held true, and my knowledge of them helped me heal and deal with Cliff's death and my grief.

Do I think we all go through it the same? No. My husband was unlike any human being I have ever known, as I am sure yours was. There are going to be differences in experience, differences in timelines, differences in what works and what doesn't.

It sounds like the James and Friedman approach is useful if you have multiple losses and unresolved grief over other losses. If you find it helpful, then that is great. I hope it does help. I did read another book that was similar that stated that we piled up our losses and had to go through and resolve each of them in order to resolve the current loss. I had multiple losses - I had buried all of our parents before Cliff - I was last man standing by then - but my previous losses weren't an issue for me, so it wasn't relevant for me. If it is relevant for you, then it sounds like a good approach.

Let us know how you get on with it, and if there is anything particularly good, please share it.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I got on with it! And found it exceptional! I worked through the book in one day. Not for the faint of heart, but I'm allowed with a broken ankle. Very helpful, indeed!
I've also got a certified counselor who is willing to go through each step of the process with me for free! No group bc I can't leave my house! Ugh! But, I wanted to share that I did find it very helpful.

I was involved in two Group Recovery Sessions, a year apart from each other. In both sessions Grief Recovery Book was our main reading and homework source.
Nothing else was as helpful as that properly structured process. I was a sharing in a group, but not randomly, every meeting was around a specific topic based on this manual.
Yes, we had a support partner, but mostly talked in a group of 5-8 people who lost a loved one.
It was a well structured process, and quite reflective reading, and the writing assignments were very helpful.
I would recommend using this book, especially as a guide for a group grief recovery meetings.
It helped me a great deal.

Did you feel like it was something you could use on your own? Or do you actually need the support partner or group? Or counselor?

It is designed to be used either with a partner or on your own. Both have benefits. The book encourages the reader to ask themselves if the reason they don't have a partner is because they are isolating. Isolation is not a good means for anyone who is feeling down :)
At the end of each exercise there are instructions for those working with a partner and septet ate instructions for those working alone. So, yes it can be done alone.

Let me know if its worth getting. I am at almost 2 yrs, and this could all be old information for me. Thanks. I do hope it will help you.

The grieving process is very different for everyone. My wife died two months ago, after a 10 year fight with cancer, and I am doing pretty well, just trying to find out how to spend the rest of my life.

However we lost our 17 year old daughter 17 years ago in an auto accident. We did not go through any stages of grief, and my wife and I handled it differently. We still had a sixth grader and sophomore in high school in the house so we worked very hard to act normal so that they would have a chance to grow up as normal as possible.

The thing is that you have to do whatever you can to avoid being depressed ( therapy, talking with friends, whatever ) so long as its not destructive. We were able to do that but it was different roads for each of us. My wife did not really come to peace with god until her cancer was discovered seven years later and she was able to be grateful to God for the 17 years we did have with our daughter.

So if exercises in that workbook are helpful to you then its well worth it. Evidently it helps some people, so its worth a try.

Good luck, Bob

The widowconnection packet is usually used by one person for comfort and encouragement. One session does show how to use it in a group. 5 sessions are content and encouragement. Having created is myself and being a widow myself, our goal is to help others get through it with renewed strength

m6... I guess my brain is still in a haze, and have to study it deeper. I do appreciate the scriptures noted to guide you. I haven't been able to view dvd s yet, as someone disconnected my dvd player when they bought me a new tv. (kids)...

This book helps to analyse yourself as a griever, previous life experiences, and the pattern of our behavior in the time of extreme emotional events.
Additionally, it allows you to look deeper into a relationship with the person who died, separate the reality from myth, and to find productive ways dealing with the tragic loss. It's about forgiveness, dealing with "could've, should've, would've" , and even some practical tips of dealing with life on your own.
As I said before, it helped me. It is 17 dollars investment into your healing, a venti latte and a croissant cost more.

Well said Comfortablynumb!