Ellen, being a luckier one who completed menopause before losing my husband but having gone through both, let me say that I'm not sure that a woman going through both at the same time would be in a position to give words of wisdom to anybody. LOL I found that "meno brain" was just about as bad as "widow brain".

One of the women in my in-person support group is going through menopause. Her doctor wanted to withdraw her from hormones, but she really started suffering and got put back on them. Hopefully there's something that you can be given that will help keep you on a more even keel physically so you can endure both of these wrenching events at the same time.

Hugs, Gail

I can relate!!! But in my case I really can't tell if the emotional part is the grief or the menopause. So Maybe it IS a good time to go through it.

By definition, menopause is 12 months without menses. The last time I had mine was the onth my diagnosed with his uncurable cancer. I have no clue if what I am feeling is caused by the imbalance caused by menopause (have not been to a doctor, if it is just grief, if it is depression, if it is exhaustion -- both physical and emotion -- or if it is simply that I have lost it! But, the short answer to this whole tyraid of stupid rambling -- I agree, widowhood should happen when we are well past menopause -- at least you can rule out one thing that might be affecting your usual logical thinking!

driveler I cant tell the difference either I think for me its a combo of both

My heart goes out to you. I got through that and it was really hard. At times I thought I was going nuts as my estrogen levels went down to zero. I don't know what I would have done if this was all at the same time. Words of wisdom: If it is too hard go to the doctor and get some help. Do not suffer. Get them to check you levels.

I'm not in menopause yet, but PMS is driving me nuts. I have two weeks per month where I'm emotionally hypersensitive and it's definitely gotten worse since Mike passed. It makes me wonder if menopause is getting closer, and if so, I'm dreading how intense it may get due to the grief monster.

I was surgically thrown into menopause two years ago. Luckily, the only symptoms I suffer from are hot flashes.

For me, grief is just that. Sadness, anxiety, fear, and lack of interest in the outside world or anything else for that matter.

I lost Richard 16 months now. I still have hot flashes, but also have a zero tolerance level, especially for trivial things or issues. I am also quick to defend myself, or have to stop myself from snapping someone's tongue back into their mouth. Cause from menopause or grief? Don't know.

I wish I would go through menopuse. I still have PMS BAD. Even worse than before John died. And it was bad then, he knew it before I did, poor guy. Anyway now everything is magnified 110%. Ugh!

I have no words of wisdom, but some of sympathy. I'm in what my mother would call "high menopause." I either have a period every three months, or three periods a month.

Grief and stress does some strange things. I'm also currently getting pimples. A good look to accessorize my crows feet.

Bioidentical hormones have been a godsend for me. You have to find someone--a midwife or a physician--who will measure your hormone levels and then get a compound made especially for your needs. The hormone replacements are plant based. Sometimes it's easiest to find a pharmacy that compounds first, and work backwards.

I found YAZ was a great solution for horrible PMS because it allows you to skip periods. You can cut them down to about 4 a year, and suffer that much less. You need to be monitored when taking them though because there are risks involved.

Not saying these solutions will work for everyone, but both helped me a lot!

I know it is very hard. I am menopausal. And my husband passed 4 months ago. And the two together is very hard. But I find strength in family and a support group. And one day at a time. With prayer
Greyyfoxx