I was 55 when my husband who was 59 died almost 2 years ago. Just yesterday I joined a dating website. Something just struck me and told me to do it. A week ago I wouldn't have considered it. When the time is right you will know. I guess I too had an opportunity to say goodbye. My husband lived for 30 days after a sudden cardiac arrest. He was in ICU the whole time and was awake and doing ok for 2 weeks before surgery and one day after until they had to put him on a vent and sedate him Of course we should have considered death was a possibility and he said cryptic things to family members on the phone which I learned of later on when they told me. But how do you say goodbye? We were one another's world for 33 years and just did not really accept the possibility. He was healthy or so we thought and the doctors led us to believe there would be a positive outcome. I could never have said goodbye but I know in my heart now he'd want me to find happiness. And love because he loved me so much. Give yourself time. Know that your husband would want the best life for you. That's what love really is. I wish you peace. Marybeth

I am 51 and I know how you are feeling, my husband passed in October 2016 and he was only 56. I never got the chance to say any goodbyes as well and that is what I hate the most. I did have a rule that we lived by and I am glad we did. We had a rule that we never went to bed angry and we always said we loved each other before we went to sleep, and you know I am so glad we did as that was the last thing I said to my husband was I LOVE YOU.

Always know your soulmate will be with you everyday in your heart. Always remember that. Hugs to you and God bless. D

I have a different view of your final weeks with him and how he spent time having "last words" with others, but not you.
I know that for me to say this, is taking liberties, but here goes:
In some relationships we have "unfinished business", things we would need to settle...things we need to make peace with, whether past conflicts or important things we never said and need to not leave unspoken. With our adult kids, it might be the last thing we want to leave them with, perhaps some final direction we want to give them.
Regarding you, perhaps it is only that he was completely at peace with your relationship, the life & love you shared. Perhaps he felt enough peace to not need to do that.
About moving on: the death of our husband frees us from the relational commitment, from the tie that binds us together. Not emotionally, as we are left grieving and that is deep and lasts throughout our life.
Since my husband died with no health warning, I had no chance for words and neither did he.
That is very painful for many different reasons. Some things were going on which sudden death left unresolved. That stuff, I can only entrust to my God. and that is what I must discipline myself to practice doing.
But deep down, the fact is that I also have to trust that our 41+ years together was strong enough to
have built-in enough resolution to any and every thing in, and about, our life.
If he had lived another week, and knew he was on the brink of death, would he have given me permission to move on? I doubt it. That subject would not have been his focus. It certainly would not have been my focus. I would have clung to him and said many, many things.
Basically, we shared the belief about marriage being "till death do us part". Because those were our marital vows. and that is the only permission I need to "move on".
Being left here, however, is so much more deeply complex than those mere few words.
It is terrible remembering how lightly that floated out of our mouths at the marriage altar,
I resent how absolutely Zero teaching any of us get that someday, ONE of us WILL be left here alone. We get no preparedness instruction at all.
These are things which grief leaves us with, which seems like it will not end during this life on earth.
All my best to you.

I get the not saying goodbyes as we were getting ready for church and I was in the kitchen making and he had a massive coronary in the bedroom. And for the life of me I really do recall if we ever talked about the what ifs in like. The only one was when we purchase our house 9 years ago we made it possible so that if something happened either one of us could afford the mortgage. We were simple people never had a lot of money just lived contently. Did not put the house into a trust until after his death. Amazing all the unsolicited advice you get when your spouse dies. Take care and know that your husband would just want you to be happy whether you choose to find some else someday or not. Take care.

avmom,

You ladies are surrounded by my gentle feelings and compassion.

We all understand it that the heart and our strongest feelings never know exactly where or when to draw the line between peace and the blue moons. So it takes time to know exactly how to cope with all of this confusion in a comfortable way, or knowing exactly how to alter those odd feeling appears as so far away, and it's usually a bothering sense lingering that something is missing but still it's on its way back to you. All the bulk of thoughts common to what you experience is because you are still in love with the idea of a happy marriage and loving family (normal), and being alone is not easily acceptable under any circumstances (normal as well). Thing is that the feeling of a happy home life with family is [supposed] to be there, even when you are feeling disconnected by the reality of what's really happening now, which I think that this is all part of a divine plan, at which is geared to help folks seek to understand just what the power of love really is. We happen to know power, bless God.

Then, to think of it, how easy can it be to "move forward," though, when you are still wondering what "moving on" is all about. And, you can't help but imagine that, "I will see you again, soon," because this feeling is constantly lingering in the heart and this very convincing idea stays on the mind, constantly. Though thoughts do breakdown at given times, for the better, and fortunately the mind only break as it tires while holding on for way too long, which is the only useful thing about it.

Thus, at some point, there will be enough useful energy to figure out what's for the best and how to move wisely forward. Yet, at this moment of time no need to rush. But stay safe in believing that one day true love will come back to you. Believe it, the sun will shine again. Clouds do lift. And in reality your husband's love never had to say goodbye to you. What matters is that he loves you and you will always love him. How many times has he told you so? Better so with that than with saying anything otherwise.

Sending you forget-me-nots,

Remiah