Cat: I know how you feel. I couldn't stay in our house after he passed away on Nov 14th. I'd been home a few times going through stuff and cleaning things up. Feeding the furballs. I came home the day before Thanksgiving and changed the blankets on the bed because the cats had pretty much destroyed it and well one had pissed on the bed. Shakes head. They have no clue why daddy hasn't come home and why I wasn't able to be here all the time and others coming over to feed them. I came home the day after Thanksgiving to give it a shot to stay here. We've basically been living in one room because we took a place over to finish building. So I had no choice but to sleep in our bed. I'd just got done working a 24hr shift. Only gotten about 5 hours of sleep at work the night before. So crashed and burned. Waking up here is the hardest. But the furballs help. I have the album that people signed at the viewing with his picture on it in front of his pillow. Plus, a few things I've been going through and it seems to help having something next to me in bed besides the cats. I've known some who curl up with their spouses pillow and/or a shirt or something of their spouse. You might try that. I know one person suggested taking a Excedrin PM and then going in their to sleep when it starts to work. It's a suggestion to try a few times but be careful with that. I'd hate for you to dismantle something he build for you. I know it will be hard when I have to move in the Spring, because my husband was building this with me for us! I just can't afford the payments and to have someone else build it. It's just too hard! HUGS!

Dear Catina, My husband, John, died in August also. But before that he was in the hospital, nursing home and finally hospice since May 14, 2015. I slept with him there for 3 months until the end. When I finally went home the day he died, I didn't step foot in our bedroom. We had a king size bed. So I slept on my couch since then. I didn't want to even sleep in the king size bed, so I removed it from our bedroom, didn't even want to look at it or be reminded it was our marriage bed. I sent it to Goodwill, still sleeping on the couch. Then my sisters came to visit me on August 19, but before that I wanted them to have a bed to sleep in. Keep in mind, I'm still in a daze and shock and trauma and doing stupid things. So I bought 2 twin beds for them to sleep in. As soon as they left, I got rid of those beds right away, sent them back to the mattress store because they gave me the creeps and reminded me of the beds in the nursing home, so I got rid of them right away. So here it is, December, 7 months now sleeping on the couch. I don't think I will ever get a bed for the bedroom, because I don't know where I'm going soon and don't want to spend $300 on a bed for me. So beds are out of my life, I guess. And I also put all John's stuff, like his wedding ring, his wedding tie, photos, a little tin box of a bit of his ashes, his death certificate, etc. in his "Johnny box." I've never been so mixed up in my whole life. This is nuts.

Emerald! I'm so sorry for your loss as well! I wear my husbands wedding ring on my thumb. My wedding rings we ordered and unfortunately they only had the ones in a size 9 and I wear a size 9.5 no one would size them up. So I wear the engagement ring he bought me and it was the ring he put on my finger when we got married. I now wear those rings around my neck. I can understand not wanting to sleep in your marriage bed. It's harder than hell for me to do. I'm used to being alone the early hours of night since we both worked 2nd shift. The mornings are the hardest since it was always our time together. This is totally nuts and I'm sorry but whoever is in charge of the greater plan is totally f'ing messed up!

I also wear my husbands ring around my neck, when I changed the bed I left his pillow with the pillowcase I can still smell him. I have a tshirt pillow a friend made that I sleep with every night. The weird thing is when my first husband passed it didn't bother me as much to go in the bedroom. Its the same room. The first time I got rid of the bed and bought a different one that my second husband and I shared. Neither one passed in the home , but it just feels different.

When my second husband moved in there was weird things that hape rd downstairs, he would be talking and i would ask who are you talking to? He would say I thought you. He saw a shadow cone from the walk in closet across the hall and thought was me. Things would turn on and off or just get the feeling someone was watching. I once took a picture and swear its my first husbands face. I'm not sure if I'm afraid that will all start again if I sleep in my room.

It is all nuts! Hopefully, us couch sleepers get some rest.

I couldn't help but chuckle a little with you mentioning your first husband and passing. Then having your second husband living their as well. He was probably making sure you were okay and this man would take good care of you. I to was married before, for sixteen years. My ex and I just became strangers and drifted apart and later divorced. A friend had asked me if I thought I'd have taken Michael's death as hard. I thought about and I knew I'd be hurt and cry we did share sixteen years together and it was mostly good. But, I know I'd have been stronger with Michael passing than I have been with David passing. I know I'll never marry again, I don't know if I'll ever fall in love again. Dave was my whole life, my sou-mate and my best friend. But, I know he'd want me to find someone to spend my later years with - we'd talked about some of that over the past year. But, as everyone has told me that has gone through what we're all going through. YOU DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU! If sleeping on the couch works then do it. If sleeping in the car or the spare room or a friends house works then do it. Try and lay down for a nap in there or just for 10 mins. Then work your way up. But, don't make yourself sick or insane for not being able to do what others think you should be doing! Hugs!

I feel the opposite of most here. I couldn't wait to get back to the comfort and safety of our own bed. Of course I missed him there and it was big and empty but it was the one place in the world that was completely just ours. Everything else in our lives was shared with other people. That room...that bed...was our sanctuary. In that room we laughed, we cried, we loved and recharged. It was the end and beginning of each day. It was the place that we could share our most private thoughts and joys of the day. There's no other place that I feel closer to him than in that room. So now when I lay my head on my pillow at night with my sweet dog snuggled up next to me, I say a prayer to the higher ups for peace, protection and forgiveness and I send a kiss towards his ashes which still grace me with his silent gentle spirit.
Big hugs for a calm and peaceful night
Darcie

I experienced difficulty sleeping in our bed the first few weeks after I lost my husband in August. When I returned to our bed it was so big and empty. I totally filled his side of the bed with heavy pillows then hugged his pillow. It was so comforting. At first his scent was on his pillow and then it became habit.

I had been able to bring him home with hospice, he passed in the hospital bed we had set up for him in the living room so he did not pass in our bed. (Being in the living room where we spent out last hours.)

We are all grieving but each of us has a unique experience. Bless you all for the support and sense of community.

Don't know why, but sleeping in our bed was not a problem for me. Juanita had lots of decorative pillows on our bed, and I did find comfort piling them on her side of the bed to fill the space. We were blessed to be able to sleep together until something happened and I had to carry her from the bathroom to the bed (in itself an amazing feat for me). But I could only get her to my side of the bed. And in true style, she demanded that I put her on her side - the farside of the bed complete with obstacles. Then she asked me to call an ambulance, and within 24 hours, she died in the hospital. Oh, I've made lots of changes to our bed -- got rid of the flowery bedspread, rearranged the room, got all new "manly" sheets, curtains, comforter - made it mine. I think we've had that mattress 20 years -- still sleeps like its brand new -- and seemed like a waste of money for me to go buy a new one. I don't sleep as well as I did early in my grief, but it's definitely not the bed causing me the problem -- just another aspect of this grief journey I think. ~ Scott