So, not quite at five months and I just want to say I am sending Gigantic hugs to all that have helped me so far. The CL's the " Old Timers" and the "Newbes". My heart felt thank you to all who have inspired me, are walking and crawling this journey with me. Our relation to each other through no choice of our own is amazing. Though we come from every where, all walks of life and have experienced so many different things along the way, our common thread is losing our spouse/partner. Without this site I was so ready to just give up. Begged to go with him, prayed he would come back and get me. In reality though I know he will be waiting for me. And the 40 years we spent together will always be in my heart. Time moves so quickly and the day I met him still seems like just yesterday. I am sure what time I have here will go in the blink of an eye also. Am I healed, absolutely not. But I will get there with the help of others. This site has been a lifeline for me. I still come here often, and will continue to. I need this support especially now and probably in the future. Life is so precious and death is so final, I certainly don't have any answers to the questiion of WHY, I guess it just is the way it is. But I too am still searching for me, my new life while watching those I love still here grow, blossom, mature and looking forward to the new baby in March. He/She will surely learn what a wonderful loving Grandpa he has in Heaven. Hugs and Love to all, Michele