Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Getting worse?

edithbathgate
edithbathgate
My husband died very suddenly on 12/16/'10. I am a high school teacher in a private school. I went in to school on 12/17 and got my semester tests, graded them and closed down the semester. As soon as Christmas break was over I returned and taught. They allowed to take afternoons off in January. In Ferbruary I taught full time. I feel like I am getting crazier. I am seeing a therapist and taking antideprssents but I have asked 3 tiems for them to find a replacement for me and they never answer back or do anything. I do have large classes and lots of special ed kids who don't get services because it is a private school. I really care about my kids but I want to quit. I have given them 1000 dollars to help reimburse their expenses in January for when I didn't work and offered to pay the rest as soon as can. I just feel angry, sad, crazy. I start crying at school and run to the bathroom for a minute or I go behind my Smartboard and pretend I'm getting stuff from the files. They won't answer me and have never sent a card or anything. I always contribute to baby showers, etc. when they have one. I don't get it. I wrote a regignation and told them I would stop working after Mar. 23. Thye didn't even answer that. I really have fulfilled all my obligation there, plus gone to kids' games, as did my husband when he was alive, contribute much money and my own computer, sound system, printer etc. I don't get it! Is it me or them? I feel so nuts and my therapist is out of town til the 15th.
heartsick1
heartsick1
I would give them a date that you will be leaving. If they don't get a replacement, that is their problem. I must say, it does not sound like your employer is very compassionate towards their employees. I would march into that principles office and spell out what is going on and demand that he/she listen to you. I am getting angry just thinking about this insensitive place, yikes, I work for a law firm and they are not known for warm and fuzzy, but they told me to take off as long as I needed to and they paid me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have done more than your share. Stick with your resignation date and do not return after that. You do not owe them anymore. I do not understand why you paid them money. It does not seem to me that you would owe them anything. They are not being compassionate and you do not need to work for them. They will find someone else for the kids. You need to take care of you. Hugs, Dawn
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm a middle school teacher in a public school and when my husband died in Nov. of 09,I went back to school two weeks later and found it extremely hard as well. Thank God my colleagues were there for me. Administration barely said a word and I resented it terribly. When I got rated at the end of the year the principal actually said (this was a terrific year wasn't it- and I became numb with disbelief and anger- I had to since let this go because it was eating me alive) If it wasn't for the teachers, I wouldn't have been able to continue working. Those last months were very hard, but I made myself make it until the end of the year. By the time fall came around, I was ready to go back because I found that the routine of work was better for my mind than staying at home in the summer. I hope you can make it through the school year and then get a fresh start. Maybe you can apply to a public school with a strong union where you have more rights within your job. Your grief is still very fresh, and one of these days your mind will start to clear (it really will) and you'll be able to function at work again. Come to this site and read/respond to the posts. It'll help get your feelings out and you can guarantee that we know exactly what you're going through. Peace to your heart!
missingmyabby
missingmyabby
First off, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Secondly, calm down! Sit, relax, do whatever helps you get calm (decaf is good). You don't owe them anything. You were already planning on retiring, you just feel you have to move the date up now. No worries! It is not your problem! You have to do what is best for you!
Craziness? Yes, we're all crazy now, crazy with grief. I see you're also starting to feel the anger. I liked the anger part, it was more fun than the crying part. I'm quite proud of my craziness! I've always been considered a nut and now I have a good reason. What the hell do I care what they think? They can't understand, They don't have a clue. Here, well here we understand.
Take it easy on yourself, be kind to yourself, take care of yourself. The rest will come with time, I know, the last thing you want to hear.
Ken
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sorry you are going though this. You've done your part, if they choose to ignore your notice, that's their problem. But if I could be so bold as to suggest you do NOT give them any more money. You need to do what is right for you. I was very surprised that several people I work with said nothing to me. Many did, but a few key people, like two of the surgeons I work with several times a week, never acknowledged my loss. Jacks company was pretty rough as well. This really had be perplexed. Write us on March 23 and let us know how it went. Take care.
loveandgrace
loveandgrace
Just let me add to what others have said. You work for some extremely insensitive folks! In addition, you have written your letter of resignation, so you have done your part in giving them notice. The day after March 23, you can sleep late and have a leisurely cup of coffee. Since they ignored the first one, I would perhaps restate my plans, including the date, and make sure they got it (registered letter?). Then I would walk away, sighing with relief. You're being far too kind to people who don't reciprocate.

I know you are feeling crazy since your therapist is out of town, but maybe it's an opportunity for you to practice some calming methods on your own. Take walks when feeling agitated, scream, cry, punch pillows. Take a long bath or shower. Writing out my feelings, even just a paragraph or two always makes me feel better. Come here and tell us about your crazy feelings. We'll listen and respond. Good luck to you. Hugs, Amy
Nicker07
Nicker07
Its a amazing some people, not even a card - sorry but that just PO's me off.
As humans we tend to feel bad when things go bad against us, sorta like saying well we are probably have some blame in this.
It seems you were a loyal employee, & good citizen contributing to them. So you need to shake yourself off, and take away the "NUTS" part - send it to us for awhile we can take some of your nuts for now. Ya want us to all write them a letter with how to treat widows? I think I need to send you my big cowboy boots, ya know what I want ya to do with them huh? Well just start feeling good about you, walk away with a good laugh on them, cuz its not a bad laugh against you they are the ones acting bad. Can you take untaken sick leave, vacation time in mean time. Its their problem not yours. SO heres a big hug just let me know about the letter & boots?
Parmela
Parmela
You don't owe them anything. You've given notice and I wouldn't mention it again. Just put in the time you promised, pack up your stuff and leave....... you don't need this treatment on top of everything else!
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