I understand exactly how you feel - I feel like everything is crumbling down and instead of support from family - I don't even want to mention it. I do hate the comment - "God doesn't give people more than they can handle" because of course it isn't true - or we wouldn't see people committing suicide. Still I wonder - when and if it will ever get better - and why some people seem to have everything go right - and others don't.

Nicker, you have been so brave and worked so strong. You sound so very tired. Is there any way you could take a break of any kind to lift your spirits? A day trip? Talking with a minister that you know and respect or that one of your friends might recommend? As you know, this life we live now is one of highs and lows. You are definitely in a low today, but tomorrow or several tomorrows, the sun may beging to shine in your life again. Be good to yourself and surround yourself with those who love you. I'm not saying it's easy...not at all. Just keep plugging along...one day you will look back on this day and be so glad you kept plugging. Life will get better. God sometimes works very slowly because he is working on getting the very greatest plan together for your life! I have had this experience myself many times. I want to know everything that God knows and I want it in my own timeline. But God is in control and thank goodness he is, because if I had gotten my way many times, it would have been a disaster. My heart goes out to you and I pray God will comfort you. Now, go eat a piece of pie! "Love you!"
Kathleen

I don't have any pat answers for you -- just wish I were like Bill Gates and I could send you some $$ to get through this! I know it IS frightening to be alone and face serious financial problems, I have been through those times myself in years past. I have tried to make a daily practice of counting my blessings (car, air conditioning here in Miss., family, house, great neighbors etc.) There is always something good in life, even if we have to search. One DS member always lists the things she is grateful for at the end of her journals. This is one way to "Psyche ourselves up" when things are grim. I DO HOPE things get better for you soon!
Hugs - Doye

Nicker I am one of those brought up in the church a preacher's daughter too. All I can say is In my opinion (i don't want to offend anyone) it has been my experience with Our Lord when you feel the way you are feeling now (which is normal giving what you have went through)...draw closer to him, spend some time reading your bible even if you never picked it up before there are words for healing there as well as words for life.

Take 10 to 15 min in the morning talking to him (prayer in my opinion)...it's ok to tell him exactly how you feel you don't even have to be on your knees if you don't want to just talk to him. Do the same in the evening. I promise you by my faith and experience when you draw closer to him you will understand and feel better and God is powerful enough to step and and take care if everything...that is not fantasy he is real! he is just waiting for you to get to know him! Nicker I am going to really pray for you in that God give you peace, healing and strength and he draws closer to you at this time as well.

I as a christian, I am not allowed to argue my beliefs to anyone but I give you here my experience personally. I would have never made it through nine months without the love of my life for 18 years with out my Lord carrying me every step of the way! I know people get frustrated when their told "he don't give you more than you can handle" I am living the same pain as the rest of you and knowing that pain all I can say is this...We are still standing and hanging in there because of God! Without him it would be a lot worse.

I again normally don't get to personal on a spiritual level here..and don't want to start any heated arguments so I say to you again It's through my own personal experience and relationship with my God that I know this...everyone is different.

Nicker I leave you with this.....
Philippians: 4:13 (my favorite): I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Much luv to you and you will remain in my prayers....Lisa

We are all living in bad times right now and all you can do is plod on through as best you can. Even as you trust that God knows your situation, it is normal to be scared. It is a lifetime learning experience to "let go and let God". If you have a roof over your head and three meals a day, even that is a great blessing. Try to think only one day (or hour) at a time and just do the best you can. hugs!!

I wasn't sure I was going to reply, but I had to after reading Lisa's words of encouragement for you. BTW, I agree with all she said.
So Diane, i will add words of encouragement also...
None of us wants to be here, going through so many changes it makes our heads spin...but we are and that's the reality that we have to face. I also KNOW that God has been right beside me all the way...from Mike's first diagnosis, to needing to get a new "bladder" in our watertank to the tune of $750 , to caring for my husband in the most terrifying moments of seizures and brain mets. And even though this is NOT what I had planned for my life, it is now my truth. Yet the peace that envelops me at times is so not what most people expect in my circumstance...it's that "peace that passes all understanding"...
Fear grips all of us at times...it's the enemy's way of trying to defeat us...."you can't do that" or " aren't you afraid you'll be wiped out" or "
"nobody really cares about you"....it can go on and on.
But i want to encourage you by saying that God does not give us that spirit of fear. He only wants good things for you, and daughter of the most High God you will be blessed in His time. Talk to Him and just keep talking...there isn't anything too big or too small, and He knows all that's on your heart anyway!
"Be strong and courageous- do not be afraid- for the Lord your God is with you WHEREVER you go" Joshua 1:9
Peace to you tonight and may the peace and comfort of the Creator wrap around you till you find your answers....hugs, Jill

I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Sometimes we just want to know exactly WHEN things are going to get better for us because we are scared. I've had some stuff happen since my husband passed away that is inconceivable to me. I've had to file a very serious lawsuit against someone I've known and trusted for many years. It's all new territory for me and it scares me so much to go down this road alone but it has to be done. You've just got to have faith that things are going to work out. I, too, have to find a new job and with the economy being as it is, it's a whole new ballgame since I last had to find one which was years ago! We are all here to help you so know that you're not alone. I'll be praying for you. Hugs, Sharry

I know and have felt that fear you are experiencing, and still do often. I also agree with Lisa--the best thing we can do is draw closer to God---which isn't always as easy as it sounds. I can only say that when I get to the point that I feel like giving up, that the fear tries to overtake me, when I find that I can't even find words to pray, can't even express my thoughts and fears rationally to Him because I just can't think straight, can't get past the fear and the frustration and the hurt---He hears what my heart is speaking--He listens and hears even when I can't say a word. Every time I feel like He has given me more than I can handle He shows me I can handle it---I'm still here, I'm still struggling but I'm making it. He hears the silent utterings of my spirit, the pleas of my heart, even when I can't even speak them. That may not make sense to anyone else---but it is my experience. Prayer is one of the greatest gifts we have been given. Sometimes people do give up because we are human and as humans we can't handle so much on our own---but He never gives us more than we can handle with His help. The trick is to look to Him for help, ask for His help and then trust that He knows what we are feeling and is there to help us through it, trust Him to get us through it even when we don't understand the whys or wherefores. Is it easy? Not always---sometimes it is downright hard, because I don't want to let go of it--I don't want to put it down, I am a worry wart, I admit it--I'm about as human as humans come---but I know without a shadow of doubt that without Him I can't make it---with Him I can and will. It's up to me do decide if I am going to let Him help though---I have to learn to put it in His hands and leave it there. Not always easy.

Nicker, I agree with what is being said. I am sorry you are having such a rough time. The statement "That God will not give us anything we can not handle" it is not in the Bible..its just a saying. I was not brought up in a home that knew Jesus...but He found me. I could not have made it through this without Him. When my husband died I stayed 3 months in my room...with my Bible looking up everything I could find in the scripture for comfort. It was the only comfort I found. My family and friends were and are a wonderful support system, But only God word gave me comfort and peace when I thought I would lose my mind.
He does know what we are going through. I found and marked scriptures where He is specifically mentions someones name.... that showed me He does see me as an individual. He knows when a sparrow drops to the ground, so He is fully aware of what is happening to us.. All this suffering is for our growth..to learn to rely on Him. It will be well worth it when we get home and He says well done my faith and loyal servant. He sees you...Blessing..Debbie:)

oh Nicker,
I feel your deep pain, I could have written most of your post.
It is a daily struggle, this life now. It was so beautiful, so full of love, and we felt strong and protected, now, the "alone-ness" is terrifying.
That scared feeling is so overwhelming at times :(

Vent away, you know we understand, and are sending you our prayers.

Have you tried a day of pure indulgence?
I have been feeling so exhausted...that I told myself that I was going to sleep all day, one day. Of course, I couldn't do that. I just went for a walk, dug up plants to take, watched tv, rested and read. I felt guilty, because I knew I had so much to do. But, the next day, I felt stronger, with a better outlook.
We have to believe it WILL get better.

((HUGS))
Debi

Nicker - Like 2souls, I feel like I could have written your post. Can totally relate to your feelings of fear and uncertainty about the future. The loss of a spouse is devastating enough. To have to shoulder financial burdens and worries afterwards is just too much - I know what it's like to leave a good paying job for your husband - I left one to care for mine and it wasn't there after I lost him. I was the breadwinner. I considered myself lucky when I found another job 4 months after my husband died but lost it 6 weeks ago to a friend of the office manager who didn't need benefits and who makes less in salary.

Anyway, my Mom who is 84, very compromised with back problems and who was facing her second surgery in less than 4 months, needed someone to help her. I don't consider myself super religious but I do feel that this is where God came in. I've been able to be her "aide" - I'd have been there for her anyway but because of my situation, she's paid me just as she would have a stranger. We're very close and she lost my Dad only 3 years ago. This has tightened the bond. We can relate. And although I realize that this can only be temporary and I do have to find another job, God put me where I was needed. I try not to look too much ahead (which is HARD) because there's NO GUARANTEE we'll be here tomorrow, let alone 5 minutes from now. Everyone here on this site can attest to that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for me, believing that God has his reasons for what we have to go through in life and trusting that he will see us through the really hard times, has helped. I try to count my blessings, not my trials.

Hope you have a better week ahead.

Thank You for all your comments. From someone who had a good paying job, and took care of herself well this little bit of income with no relief in sight is just scaring me....

I keep praying GOD will give me some relief soon..

Thank You Family and friends near are just busy with their lives