Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Not sure what to do or say
An older neighbor whom my husband and I befriended and helped out for years before he died lost her husband almost 1 year ago now. She had to move out of her big house into a mobile home park....and she called me constantly....
I noticed for quite some time her confusion and memory loss....it appeared this last several months to be getting worse and worse. Others in out small rural community knowing she has leaned on me said things to me the same. Finally one incident caused me to sit down with her 2 wks ago and just say " I am concern and do not know how to approach this except to behonest" I stated I felt her confusion and memory loss may need to be seen by a dr. to get some help and I stated IF ITS SOMETHING like dementia or ALZH. to get some medication....
SHE cried and agreed she has been mixed up a lot...and seemed fine, even called me for ~3 days after. She has been a pest calling continuous to where on days I did not even answer...and when she called she repeated what she said numerous times. Her family told me they tried to get her to see a dr too. SO I am not alone. Well now she is really angry at me....called members of our Lions Club saying mean things about me...most told me they told her to stop and told me I was not in the wrong. IT still hurts knowing all I did for her but I am trying to be like Mother Tersea says "be kind anyway".....BUT now she is accusing me of selling her shotguns (never had them) so I am thinking the sheriff may need to investigate their missing...I am not afraid of being investigated ...but not sure if I should....????Its just sad
An older neighbor whom my husband and I befriended and helped out for years before he died lost her husband almost 1 year ago now. She had to move out of her big house into a mobile home park....and she called me constantly....
I noticed for quite some time her confusion and memory loss....it appeared this last several months to be getting worse and worse. Others in out small rural community knowing she has leaned on me said things to me the same. Finally one incident caused me to sit down with her 2 wks ago and just say " I am concern and do not know how to approach this except to behonest" I stated I felt her confusion and memory loss may need to be seen by a dr. to get some help and I stated IF ITS SOMETHING like dementia or ALZH. to get some medication....
SHE cried and agreed she has been mixed up a lot...and seemed fine, even called me for ~3 days after. She has been a pest calling continuous to where on days I did not even answer...and when she called she repeated what she said numerous times. Her family told me they tried to get her to see a dr too. SO I am not alone. Well now she is really angry at me....called members of our Lions Club saying mean things about me...most told me they told her to stop and told me I was not in the wrong. IT still hurts knowing all I did for her but I am trying to be like Mother Tersea says "be kind anyway".....BUT now she is accusing me of selling her shotguns (never had them) so I am thinking the sheriff may need to investigate their missing...I am not afraid of being investigated ...but not sure if I should....????Its just sad
Doye
As far as your concern for her, it's admiralable. You will want to set boundaries for your own peace of mind. You are definately Not responsible for her care, but only you know what you want to extend yourself to do, if anything, for her. Whatever you decide is the right answer, and you're right, it is very sad. Sharon
I don't know her and I'm not expert on dementia or Alzheimer's, but I wonder if its a natural reaction to the anniversary date coming up together with losing her home and presumably her whole way of life. I think she does need to see somebody, but whether it's something organic like dementia, I don't know. Either way, there is probably a way of her getting treatment so she is not in such bad shape.
I think you should talk with the family, and also explain that you want to help her, but that slandering your good name has to stop. They may be less reluctant to get over their denial about her declining condition if they think there will be further repercussions - like legal repercussions - if they don't do anything at all about it. They can turn the situation around, but they need to act now before things escalate and get any worse.
I am sorry you've had this to deal with when all you have tried to do is be a good friend and neighbor.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Or to contact the movers to ask if they labled & how they labed the box(es) containing them & where it/they can be found ~
Or better yet, ask the family these questions ~
For myself when I was in her time frame, I repeatedly myself constantly & forgot information for long periods of time (months) ~
It was caused by dissociation, not dementia or Alzheimers ~
Thankfully, my kids were in therapy & had this explained to them ~
I went to a therapist for help w/it, not a general practitioner ~
Unfortunately, people will try to get back when they've been hurt ~
She may view your actions as disloyalty in suggesting to her family that she may have an abnormal mental illness due to age ~
I know, I'd be pisst off ~
There are people who are in their 90's & over 100yo who maintain good mental health ~
You may want to suggest either or both in person or online grief support ~
It's obvious she has no else she can talk to or relate with ~
She may also not know the symptoms of grief or how it is affecting her ~
Giving her & her family direction may be the kindest thing you do for them & yourself ~
____________________________________________________
How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go? ~Reggie~
To find youself. To find inner happiness ~