Hi Hon, our 40th anniversary, the 21st of November. Hard to believe how fast that time went by. I tried to concentrate my thoughts on what we had. So many memories came flooding back. I shove the bad ones to the back as there were so few. Mostly the last few years of our battle with your failing health. All the things we did together,the places we went, all those memories came flooding back.
The children we created and our beautiful grand daughters. How very blessed we were. I see you in each of them. They are truly so very different but part of you lives on in them.
I think of all those we loved and lost and it brings me comfort that you are with them now.
Leaving me behind still seems so unimaginable. It is agony pure and simple. Such raw emotions I have never experienced. It feels as if half of me is gone, my heart is shattered and that emptyness can be so overwhelming. So I cling to my memories of our time together.
I need to concentrate on all the positive that came from loving each other so unconditionally. I want you to know I would not have changed a thing. except you leaving way to soon. We were so blessed to have found each other. I really believe we were destined to be together. I have no regrets. You gave me the best years of my life and yours and something so special that very few ever experience.
When I close my eyes I can still see you, smell you, hear your beautiful voice and feel your touch. And oh the laughter we shared. What a wonderful thing that is and I hope I will always be able to remember it all.
To think we were just kids, you were 23 and I 19 when we met. We grew up together. Crazy isn't it that we found such love and built our lives together on that beautiful foundation. We had no idea where the future would lead us, but we knew as long as we were together that was all that counted. I have always told the kids we would have been happy in a tent as long as we were together.
And now here I am, alone, scared and miss you more than words can describe. Thinking of a future without you can lead me to panic. I do believe though that you are watching, that you know my struggle and you never would have wanted me to hurt so. So I try to maintain some sense of normalcy around others. I have become a very good actress. But my heart and mind and soul are aching for you.
I must find my way through this thing we call life. Someway to get through and be strong for our kids and grands while doing this all without you by my side. Just unimaginable. There has to be a reason for all of this. I hope I can find it some day.
So we were together 40 years. You didn't make it to the date of our anniversary, but that's just a date. Each day is just a date and I try not to dwell on how long you have been gone, but how long we were together.
If this grief journey I am on is based on the level of love I have for you, then it all makes sense as to why I suffer so. And baby you are worth it, I hope you know that. You were and are and always will be my everything. I truly believe our love is eternal! I just miss you so.
Forever yours, Michele