Widows & Widowers Support Group

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First Valentines Alone

Grimmer
Grimmer

Over the 26 years of marriage, we had all kinds of Valentines days.  Sometimes we would not do much, sometimes we would go out, sometimes we would cook in.  Years with and without presents.  Almost all, my wife Cathy would decorate the house by adding things she found at a dollar store or the christmas tree shop and I woudl at least get her flowers.


This year she passed away in Nov, two days before Thanksgiving so this Friday will be one more reminder.  A reminder of wasted years I should have celebrated more ernestly.  A reminder of her not being here this year or for any year to come. A reminder of my intense lonliness and heartache while the rest of the world is covered in red.


I had an OK weekend as far as these weekends since her death go, however now I feel I am spiraling a bit with this impending weekend.


Any ideas?  What has worked for any of you, if anything?


Thank you for your consideration, advice and kindness.


Joe

Duchess
Duchess
Joe,
Valentines Day is so very difficult for me. My Tom died on February 13 two years ago. I am beyond sad. This horrible anniversary is only two days from now, and all the red around these days feel like a stab in my heart.

I realize you were asking for advice, but as you can see, I could use some myself.
shelda
shelda
I buy chocolates for myself usually or i go to work..i know he loves me so that helps me or i think about how lucky i was to have had him for 36 years..then before you know it the day is done...( Hugs)
Veronica77
Veronica77
I was at 6 years Feb 11 and have found Valentine's hard every year. The 6 year mark was hard as well as it is over half a decade that I last saw him. It seems like a line in the sand moment. I feel like I am living in two worlds. I am feeling a bit lost. I probably need advice myself! Know that you are not alone. (((Hugs)))
tawhali
tawhali
First, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on December 1, very suddenly. I have been going through old cards and found a lot from Valentine’s Day. I have read them and reread them. They are as true today as they were for the 25 years he gave them to me. It is lonely and sad,, but it seems every day is for me. I hope you can look back on your cards and remember the deep love. Best wishes to you
Msbklyn
Msbklyn
I started having a few bad moments last week. After almost 4 1/2 years I couldn’t understand what was bringing this on all of a sudden. I hadn’t felt this bad in a long time. I finally realized that this happened the same time last year. It’s as if my body knows what is coming even though I hadn’t consciously thought about it. Valentine’s Day obviously is a day for love and not having them with us only intensifies the loss. I’m hoping the worst is over. But I’m spending Saturday with a group of other widows/ widowers and I’m sure we will all be happy to have the company with others who “ get it”. Just know this day will be over and hopefully we will have some peace for awhile. The first 3 years seem to be the worst. I do know that after that things did seem to be less intense and less physically painful. Good luck tomorrow and if nothing else helps, remember the love. It’s still with us
Remiah
Remiah
...if we have enough fantasies, we're ready for this day. I hope for everyone (especially Joe) a very calm and relaxed Valentine's Day. I understand we are trying to change our situations, it is important to see what we have to learn from these obstacles and move on. Sure don't like them, yet it is up to us what we do with them; use them as muscle builders.

I love you all!
Remi
scottbeach1962
scottbeach1962
sorry to say every first is very hard when everything is fresh nothing helps just be kind to yourself as best you can when you feel sad look at pictures of the two of you and remember your love was true and you will always have this love .I hope you get through these feelings good luck