Haven’t been here for a long while. Must have stopped by just to reply to your post. I am so very sorry you lost your husband to cancer. So did I about 5 years ago. He was gone in 40 days. I know it is terribly painful to see your husband’s handiwork everywhere you look. 6 and 7 months were the worst for me. What I have found is that in time, I am glad I stayed at the house he and I lived in and remodeled together. At first it was horrible but now it’s a gentle thing where I see a robin or frog and know he’s saying hello, he’s near. It has become a comfort to be at this house with all it’s memories. I love it and am so thankful to my late husband for helping me have such a beautiful place to live. Especially during this pandemic I enjoy my little hideaway. My unsolicited advice is to give yourself time before you make a decision to move or anything else. A widow who is my neighbor also felt she had to move right away, but now she is glad she stayed. Big hug to you, hang in there. It will get easier.

Marcy1,

Sorry you had to join our awful club...
All of this takes time and maybe some effort or at least direction.
What I mean by effort is it seems to me, you have to find your way through the horrible pain and sorry by connecting with what helps you...For some people it is religious, others keeping busy, work for some, family for others, for many, finding inspiration or messages in what we experience to feel the lost one is still connected.
So my unsolicited advice is;
Look for your way forward, for what gives you hope for a softening of the pain. Use the adapting mechanism that works best for you to help you move forward, You need time to let the intense feelings work themselves through.
A widowed group helped me a lot before COVID and we have continued to get together and even helped one of our group have a garage sale to prepare for her to sell her house. I think it helped since we can all communicate in an empathetic way no one else can.
Take care and best wishes,
Joe

Welcome to the place no one wants to be in. The feelings are normal and if you share them i bet you will get many people who can relate to their own emotions..(Hugs)

Thank you all for your kind supportive words. They are helpful

I am so sorry for your loss. This is a safe place to speak. There is a kindness on this blog which I have found of comfort as I find my own footing walking alone. My beloved man also passed from cancer - pancreatic. It is such an unspeakable wrench to have your man, so vital, so capable, suddenly be compromised by cancer and then gone. The one thought I would offer - trust your own judgement during this time. There will be many well-meaning folks who will offer you their best advice, repeat the adages "make no major decisions for at least a year", and more. Please take very good care of yourself, eat, sleep, notice the beauty of the sunset and sunrise. And please allow yourself to hear your own wisdom and follow your own best judgement.

Thank you so much for your kind, supportive and wise words..sorry for your loss as well.

I lost my my wife 3 months ago she was 44 and we were together for 26 years. I am gutted every day and I have 3 kids to raise now on my own. She had cancer and I watched her decline and I nursed her at home until the end. All councilors seems to say that there is no rule book and no right or wrong way to grieve. Be kind to yourself they say! You don’t realize how much you rely on each other. They always say time heals anywhere from 2-3 years is what I hear and even then you just have to adapt to the ongoing sadness and learn new coping mechanisms. In the meantime all you can do is try and look after yourself which is hard. It is such a tiring roller coaster. I wish you all the best and I hope some joy will come back at some stage.

Thank you Nathan. Wise words. Sending you strength as you move forward. I think it is so hard when we are our spouses caregiver. You kind of disassociate yourself so you can take care of all the medical decisions that need to be taken care of. Can’t imagine the extra challenge with children living at home. Mine are grown, and were great support. For me it was a short time from diagnosis/treatment to switching to comfort care. Watching my big strong 6’2” husband decline was overwhelming. We knew each other 41 years, married 36 1/2, more than half our lives together.

Remain strong and keep fighting, hold onto what is good.