I also witnessed him go in front of me but I couldn't do anything . The doctor tried but nothing , it aches so so bad

Do you mind sharing your story with me? It's hard to find a young widow/widower going through the simular situation

And now you know. For the most part, life and death is out of everyone's hands. You are only able to do as you have been trained to do. And you already knew that sometimes that just isn't enough. Like a doctor who becomes a patient and learns the hard way about bedside manners, so too try to use this experience to become the best responder out there. That is, if you are able to continue. But first, you must fully experience this grief and you are in exactly the right place to learn how to do that. Life decisions must wait because our grief is all consuming. Not a one of us can answer how long it takes because not one of us knows while we are going through it, we just know we reach a point of peace with our loss after we surrender to it. And the time it takes to get there is different for everyone. Me, I am a better person after losing my wife of 30 years to cancer. It profoundly has changed me. I am so much more attuned to the feelings of other people and the importance of friendships and relationships. I see things so differently now. Before I went through just the motions of life. Now, I engage life for all I am able to do. All of our time is limited, but when you are so busy just living the day to day, you have no awareness of the reality that we each are guaranteed to meet our end here. And not a one of us knows when that will be. So now I cherish life and cherish the lives of others. All good stuff. So much that seemed important before now seems so trivial. It is like I needed glasses all my life and just got my first pair. I'm looking at the same stuff but now I see it differently. Write your thoughts and emotions often. Share with others when your ready. But you've got to release whatever you are feeling one way or another. For me, writing about it has been a Godsend. The difficulty you may see down the road is that you no longer will be able to compartmentalize your emotions in the life and death arena in which you work. You may find that the callousness that enabled you to do your job no matter the injury or situation leaves you and the full experience of life and death hits you each and every time. Use it to make you the best first responder out there. You will come to find a true compassion within yourself that you didn't know existed. And as far as not being able to save the love of your life, no doubt you give all you have to every person you help. In the situation you found yourself in, take comfort in knowing that had it been any other person, you would have been powerless to save them as well. God bless and comfort us all. ~~~ Scottie

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly at a young age. He was at work on a job site several miles from any town. I am trained in the medical field as well and have struggled with the fact that "if I were there". That is a hard feeling for us. I wish so much I would have been there to try. It hurts so much. Im sorry you had to witness that but believe in the fact that he knew you were there. I know he felt you there with him. Try to take care of yourself. Hugs
Lisa

I watched my husband died from cancer here in my home. The experience stayed with me for a long time. I have been trained in life and death yet the thought of it happening in our life was foreign even after the diagnosis. We did share many years together raising our children, but we weren't finished living yet. We were beginning our retirement years with plans to fulfill. I am sorry your plans ended so soon. Sharon

I watched my husband died from cancer here in my home. The experience stayed with me for a long time. I have been trained in life and death yet the thought of it happening in our life was foreign even after the diagnosis. We did share many years together raising our children, but we weren't finished living yet. We were beginning our retirement years with plans to fulfill. I am sorry your plans ended so soon. Sharon