Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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first bday without him

bakers5
bakers5

Well, its my first bday without my husband. My son had his 18th without his father, i tried to do the take him to the pub thing, for him, didnt work out so well, wish I could have done the whole day over for him. now its my bday, just wanna stay home all day, but my sister in-law has something planned, my daughters is next she will be 20 then my youngest son turning 13 will be 4 days before my husbands bday, NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT ONE! also he has a camp to go on which  leaves on his fathers bday, I dont know if I want to let him go, I want to keep him close to me at all times. I hate feeling so emotional all the time, I hate having to put on a happy face so everyone can feel comfortable, I feel like I want to destroy something that everyone can see, to show them how much im hurting, I wanna ram my car into a pole, not to hurt myself but just to damage it. Im sick of being the nice girl, the push over girl.


My husband used to tell me Fuck'em do what you wanna do, he was my shoulder to rely on, to cry on, to give me a nudge for confidence... now, all gone in a blink of an eye. And they tell me, "your not alone" no, im not alone, but im alone, he was that only one person you could say anything to without being judged, only he understood me. 


AAARGGHHH!!! Im angry, sad, and crapy


I could ramble on with more, but you all know what Im talking about, my brother, who was my husbands best friend always says to me    "it's shit, just utter bullshit "   there are no other words to describe what has happend 


I feel for everyone who is going through this, I only hope you find peace and happiness, hugs to each and everyone of you 

Freda
Freda
Hi i also feel angry about being left alone and also about putting on the brave face so no one feels uncomfortable, and don't want to spend time with me. People ask how I am feeling and I find myself saying yeah I'm fine when I really want to scream and shout how the hell do you think I feel? I am literally taking one day at a time as I'm sure you are, take comfort in your children as I do and we will get through it, Life will never be the same, it will be different and I guess we have to learn a new routine. Take care of yourself and your children xx
scottito
scottito
Yes, it just really sucks. We adapt, but we don't want to adapt. The worst is the "aloneness", even when you are with people that love you. It just ain't the same thing. We make do, but we don't want to make do. It is definitely a long road toward a healed broken heart. You will be fine in time. I could relate to how you just wanted to destroy something. We had a wonderful house, so homey, so clean, so her. I decided to tear out the carpets and refinish the original oak floors. So I moved dang near everything into a storage unit. Then I decided I wanted to do this, and do that, and my project list of good ideas to make this house better just kept growing, and I'd start them all at once, and never finished anything (well, I did successfully get the new front and new back door installed). Started that back in September. My house is a wreck, and I'm overwhelmed with 100 projects all at once. And when I read your post I realized that I just wanted to destroy what was ours and start my life afresh with as few reminders as possible. So I guess I did a part of destroying on my own. I may have a mess on my hands, but at least it's my mess. Hmmmm. We rebuild ourselves much in the same way. Get rid of what we don't like, and add new things we do. Yes, your husband had very good advice for all of us. Do what we want to do. It's really nice not having to answer to anyone. And I let myself do whatever grabs my fancy at the moment. Oh, how I've changed. But I do like myself and my puppy doesn't seem to complain. Hang in there. It will all work out for you if you just roll with it, kickin' and screamin' all the way! Scottie
scottito
scottito
Oh yes, happy Birthday. I have mine in 3 days on the 10th. Another click and I'll be 59. Old enough to know better, still young enough not to care.
bakers5
bakers5
Thanks Freda and scottito, glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to detsroy things,
I wish you a happy day for your bday too, Scottito, hope it's a good one :))
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
The first birthday is very difficult, I know. I wish I could say that they will get better, but the truth is well learn to deal better. I still have quiet times of reflection. I still wonder why. There are no answers, but I love the idea of having this group who understands.
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