Michele, your resilience is growing in leaps and bounds. Your determination to seek out whatever light you can find while traveling through Grief's dim tunnel should serve as an inspiration for all of us.
Today I'm grateful that we have you in this group.

I know how easy it can be to allow yourself to be sucked into despair. We've all been given a really good reason. BUT we have to find a way to live and appreciating the moments we have has helped me over the past 2 1/2 years. I try to focus on the moment and appreciate the good in each day. I can still get down but it's not long lasting. I try to focus on what comes next that day or the next day. Thankfully I have a job that keeps me busy and some good friends and a family. Not everyone has that but I try to remind myself that I am not the only human being who have experienced this loss.

Back at you Michelle. I am certainly grateful for you. I am grateful for this entire group.

I think that's a great idea - something we forget to do so easily. And I'm glad being here is helping you, as it helped me.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Sorry Michelle, I feel a lot like you I think. You look much younger than me though, I am 57. I don't really have anybody left here that I enjoy much and they got their own lives. I feel hopeless about meeting someone else ever that compares to what we had together. That's really good advice about finding something positive in every day. I hope you don't mind if I use that advice. I'm so sorry what you are going through also, horrible thing to have in common. Its been 81/2 months for me, and like you said, some days better than others. Today is a bad day, just feel totally lost today and hope tomorrow is a better one and for yous all, May blessings come your way Michelle

Wanted to add that we are supposed to have more than one soulmate. Guess you never know when Divine Intervention is going to come about!!

thank you all for the kind words and suddenlysingle, i am only two years younger but i know what you mean. At 55, i don't know if i will ever want to put the effort into another relationship. I would like to find some great friends, though and through this site, i'm starting to do that. Hang in there. These guys and gals here are great and they don't mind listening.

You have the right idea in finding at least one thing in a day to feel positive about. Soon after you find that one thing, there will be another and another. Positive thinking is healthy. Your courage is admirable. . Hugs, Dolores

I was 57 when Juani died, now I'm 60. First time I ever really noticed a birthday since I turned 21. Seems my own mortality has more significance, the older I get. Michelle, I also have a lack of family and friends, and my work relationships stay at work. I've always been a one-on-one guy, and my Juani made me whole so I never sought out my own friendships. But after she was gone, like you, I became "truly alone". Seems to me most widows need more time before getting finding themselves in any type of relationship with a man, if ever. I don't know if this is a guy thing or a Scott thing, but beginning a friendship with another woman did not bother me. I wanted to fix me, and I think I began exploring possible relationships way too early at only about 8 months. I began dating at just past a year, I think. What I couldn't see back then was that I was just trying to fill the giant void inside of me. I did a lot of crazy stuff in my dating period. I've never had an interest in having male friends. As my mind slowly cleared, and I began to see that I had no good judgment when it came to choosing women to date. I was willing to just settle. And I fell in love instantly with about half the women I dated. At least I perceived it as love. It wasn't. At some point and after a number of shipwrecks, I discovered that I was okay just being alone (of course, I've got my dog Blue, and she makes a pretty good roommate :) For me, it wasn't until I discovered that I was comfortable just being alone that I was emotionally ready to first slowly build a friendship with someone else. Seriously learn to love yourself before you even attempt to love another. I recalled that was how Juani and I began, just as really good friends. Ours was meant to be, and we fell in true love. Our love affair was cut short at 30 years. I doubt I will have the luxury of that long of a lasting relationship, who knows how long any of us have? But whatever it is going to be has got to have a solid foundation of friendship. If you don't enjoy just hanging out together short term, there can be no long term. So I dropped out of hyper-space and just taking it slow and as it comes. I knew Juanita and she was a one-of-a-kinder. But so is every person on this earth. One size does not fit all. Guess I'm wordy tonight. A luxury of being with me, myself and I. Ain't too shabby. Besides, you've got a whole slew of friends here that more than likely love you and you love them, a group of people who have know what having a broken heart really means and what it does to us. The friendships formed here are true and the bond formed is special. We've all suffered together. We get it. Scott

Scottito,
thank you for sharing such a personal and inspirational story. You are dead right about being friends before starting a romantic relationship. That's how Andrew and i started too. You give me hope even if i may never have another love. I just wanted you to know that i appreciate your genuine words and thank you for sharing with all of us.

Michele
About four eeeks after Mary died I found this website. I shared my hopelessness, my inability to focus, my lack of caring about anything.
Someone shared how she would make a list of things to do and make sure she got at least one thing done each day, no matter how big or small it was.
I started doing that. It really helped me start to focus on life again.
I was reminded of it when I read your note. Find something each day that is positive, that one can be thankful for, that can make you smile or laugh. Seems like such baby steps. But learning to live without the love of mi life has been like learning to walk again.
So I guess baby steps, in all facets of life, is what is needed.
Thanks for sharing your message. I am going to insert that practice in my life to help me get back to life again.

I'm by myself too, Michele. My parents are away, and I don't have a family of my own. But we are not alone. Love is never a curse if it is true love, not matter how short it is. It is a connection of the heart and the soul. I always see it as a blessing.

Paying attention to the little things is a great way to find happiness. That's what this quote is about ~

We plan, we toil, we suffer – in the hope of what? A camel-load of idol’s eyes? The title deeds of Radio City? The empire of Asia? A trip to the moon? No, no, no, no. Simply to wake just in time to smell coffee and bacon and eggs. -J.B. Priestly

Simply awesome, everyone. Thank you all, Michele