I'm so very sorry for your loss and understand your pain and hoplessness...Everything your feeling is very much part of the grief process and stages and although you feel like you can't go on another moment....You can and you will because that is what you need to do for your beautiful children and to honor the memory of your soulmate. You will find your way through the darkness and realize a strength from within that you never thought you had and find a light that will help guide your way. This was a first step in reaching out in coming to this sight....Pls call a hotline or seek out help if you feel you will hurt yourself in anyway....you don't want your children to suffer anymore loss....They need you more than ever now. Read the other stories here and you will find many that have felt what you are feeling and have come through it to find light and love in their life along with a new sense of strength and self from going through it. I hope you find peace and comfort in knowing others understand and care what you are feeling....Please take care of yourself and reach out for help when you need help...Take care and stay safe

Hello dreaming, I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place. I am glad that you are reaching out. This is a place where you can share anything that is on your mind. I have had similar feelings of despair and wondering what the next steps are. Take things minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take the next step, that is all any of us have to do. WIllow is right, if you really think that you might hurt yourself, reach out to a hotline or contact a doctor or hospital...Your children need you in their life. You need your children... You can all be connections to each other....Reach out at any time....Folks here have been down the path that you are on. We can help you walk that path....You have friends here...
Hope, Blessings, Peace, Prayers and Healing for you today and fo all those that are hurting... Mark

Dear Darkly, Willowbreeze is correct that what your feeling is part of grief. Hang in there and I promise you will find you have so much more strength than you ever thought possible. Your children need you and you can hang in there for them. This is a good place to start, read other people's posts, you will find strength here. But Darkly if your about to commit suicide then please please call for help. There is help. Sometimes family and friends want to help but don't know your needs. If no family or friends to turn to there are professionals like social workers who know what programs are available and get you in them. Please hang on, it will over time get better.

Having to cope through this along with children looking to you has got to be beyond a dying feeling inside. My husband recently commited suicide after a lengthy illness and a very difficult past 10 years we have suffered. I /we didn't have any friends or family and the feeling of being dead myself is continual. I hope that you just do whatever it takes to make it hour to hour you know. I have no answers because I was already in poor condition but I just have stopped hoping and try and just start with existing. Drinking my coffee and loving my new dog. Problems seem to keep me going. I pray that God would give you mercy and friends to help. HUGS Jennay

I have been in your shoes many times after my husband was taken from me last August, without warning as well. We have a baby boy who was 17 months when it happened. I was in such despair I was looking into adoption agencies so I could commit suicide. It's a daily struggle and it will be honestly for the rest of your life, however you always have to remember your babies (I don't know how old they are) need you now more than ever as you're their only parent. As time goes on you're going to be the one to tell them how awesome their dad was and nobody else knows that inside and outside but you! Look at those babies everyday and you'll see him in each and every one of them in some kind of way! Always remember he's not here to see, however he'll live on in your heart and through those wonderful babies!! I still "talk" to my husband whenever I need to. There are going to be days when you're going to cry out of nowhere and it's okay! Don't let people tell you to "get over it" and "move on" because unless they've been in your shoes they have no idea what daily living entails. Oh and if people say you have to be strong tell them you are but it's also okay to be weak because this is your grief and you handle it in your own way, on your own time! Sending big hugs!

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others who have posted here in that you need to seek help immediately if you are considering suicide. The fact that you reached out here and that the title of your post says you are fighting suicide says there is a big part of you that wants to live. Please listen to that part of you! This is a good place to come to for strength and comfort but first things first! Getting you through this alive is the first thing. Pls get help if you think you might attempt suicide. Syl ia

All in good time..try to love yourself more. I personally don't feel I am alone.My husband is here I feel him I can see him in my mind and that gives me enormous relief..I also everyday talk out loud to my guardian angels. I am biking everyday..trying to get through the daily chore of living..another thought i have been promoting being grateful every day for even one thing. Lots of Hugs and Prayers for you :)

Where you are right now, I was a little over a year ago. I don't have the responsibility of young children but I was contemplating suicide. And did for several days. There was nothing to hang around for. She was my world and it was gone. But then, being a man of faith I started praying and kept praying all day ,night continually. I reached out to others who have been on this road. all hurting with the same intensity and deepness I did. All have seen no reason to keep going on. But did. And so I focused on the day I was in. Then the next when I got there. Never considered there would be a next day, just got thru each one as they came. The pain now is still there but dull. It has become familiar and part of my having to learn how to live with the loss of my wife. I didn't even have the chance to say good bye. She passed in her sleep when I was at work. I came home and found her. Never have I hurt so much in my life. And so I had given up. No reason to look forward. But I prayed and asked God to bring me thru this. Over the year He began to bring folks into my life. First, like you I came here. I began reading posts and the responses. They all sounded like me. They all were hurting and grieving like me. I automatically had something in common with a bunch of strangers I had never met before. And the funny thing about it, I began to find comfort in knowing I wasn't alone in this hurting. There were others out there hurting and crying and grieving just like me. I started posting and folks began responding. And before I knew it I was moving one day at a time. I was spending everyday here drawing strength from folks here. And I know God sent me here to show that what I was going thru was common to us all. And as bad as it hurts it is something that we all will have to go thru if we allow other into our lives. So for now give yourself some time. Just focus on the day your in. You have been given the gift of being a mother. Your children are going to need you more than ever now. I'm sure he would want you to take as good a care of them as you can. But don't give up. It will get better over time. Just keep moving a step at a time. If you are a lady of faith, stay in your faith. Please if you are feeling too overwhelmed, call one of the hot lines and reach out. Ending the precious life you have been given is never the answer. If you have a local church, go there and reach out. But please don't give up. I promise you it will get better.
Please take care of you.
Peace, Tim

You should survive for your kids . I so wish I was pregnant, I left him 2 months back.i would have looked at his kids and tried to live . But no m childless and a young widow:(

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with all the others... You need to seek help. I understand the "not wanting to be with out your soul mate" I truly do. We are all here to listen but at this desperate stage you need to seek a doctor too. I will also give you a bit of another prospective.. I am a daughter of a father who committed suicide. Although I am grown and he was in his early 50's I am still a daughter who lost her father to suicide. I know you realize that your kids have already lost their father but I am here to tell you that loosing someone to suicide is a totally different loss. Its painful within its self. Some say its a choice by the person who can see no other way out but its not a choice. Its a mental state that they get into and can't find a way out of. Being aware enough to come here and post your desperation is great because you can stop the thoughts of suicide before there is no turning back. The horrible pain your children will feel is beyond compare to anything I can describe. Please find a doctor or therapist to help and don't leave your children with out both parents. They need you and you need them.

please let us know how you are doing today, i hope you have contacted professional help for your suicidal thoughts and/ or plans.