Hi dear Lori ~ Gosh, you can't expect yourself to feel "better" after only 3 months!! You're barely into the grieving process. There are so many emotions that we go thru when we're grieving, and they come and go. Don't try to hurry yourself thru the grieving process ~ it takes time.

Part of the problem might be the fact that you moved from your house into an apartment. Usually, it's discouraged from making big decisions like that for the first year, but sometimes we HAVE to, I know. But it could be part of your problem ~ leaving the home that the two of you shared.

What helped me the most was staying as BUSY as I could, whether it was doing some craft at home, or getting out among people. Sometimes just taking a ride would bring me out of my doldrums. Taking a walk is good therapy too ~ getting some exercise & fresh air. Perhaps doing some charity work would help. But the key is keeping busy so we aren't dwelling on what happened.

The pain WILL ease ~ I can promise you that. While there will always be a special place for our loved one in our heart, the gut-wrenching pain and loneliness will ease. God bless you and my prayers are with you. Take care of YOU. Lee

In the early months, I was plagued with nightmares - some were of the death (Cliff died in my arms of a massive heart attack) - others were about being abandoned. Eventually, they passed and I had some pleasant dreams of him. You say there was a lot left unsaid, I would recommend that you say them - either aloud to him or write him a letter that spells it all out. Sometimes just the act of expressing these things helps lighten the load. I received individual counseling - this helped too. I wrote everything down in a notebook. These two things stopped the recurring flashbacks to the death and the nightmares. There are also a number of books out there on grief which may help you get through this. The one that helped me the most is Seven Choices - Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World by Elizabeth Neeld Harper, Ph.D. Ive seen a few others recommended by other people - Widow to Widow is frequently mentioned. Some people do benefit from the staying busy approach, but I could only do that in spurts. It is hard to stay busy when youre crying your heart out. It is a delicate balance between grieving and living - if you stay too busy and dont allow yourself to grieve, you may find yourself having to face the grief again years down the road. If you do nothing but grieve and dont get out and about and live your life, you can become mired down in it. You have to allow yourself to do both. I know you have experienced terrible loss before, and I am sorry that you have to go through this. This loss will hit you on a totally different level than the previous ones. DS has been a life saver for me, and my DS friends have helped me more than anything. You can message me anytime. Hugs.

I'm interested to know why the deep sadness, lonliness, and being alone are grouped under depression. I experience the three. Sue has only been gone since 8-24-08, but from all the help I've received from others at DS, I cannot say I am depressed. I can laugh at a joke, even say something comical. But later I find myself thinking that I wish Sue could have heard that. I agree that it is not wise to make any ohter big changes, unless absolutely necessary. Leall and cliffkat will always give you the best of themselves. I do recommend one thing, though: say now to dh those things you say were left unsaid. I slept better after I started writing letters to Sue at 9pm, which was our regular prayer time.

It has been six months for me. I can't say that I feel better, but I have learned to exist. I am a realist, and I know that life goes on and I have to learn to live without Jack. But, yes, it is difficult.

I agree with Victor 5 that cliffskat and Leeall give very supportive thought and suggestions. I'm checking into the Seven Choices.. book. I've found I can laugh at times, but have been slipping backwards the last couple of weeks. I need to set up a regular time to write like Victor5 said. I am nearing the 1 year milestone and think I have not really done the acceptance step. The flashbacks of that morning just pop into my head. The support and friendship here has been the most consistent in that regard. I don't know what I'd do without coming here and talking. Hugs to everyone, autopilot

Dear Lori..You have a long way to go and you need to get through one day at a time. My husband drowned 14 years ago at the age of 38, my children were young and I remember that first year without him and how every hour of the day I felt different...I normally cried all morning..better in the afternoon and drained and exhausted at night. I remember feeling like nothing was important anymore and then the anger moments where I would curse him for leaving me. The guilt overwelmed me because I was angry at him the morning he died and there were no good byes. I also remember thinking I would feel this way for the rest of my life and if one more person told me to give it time and let it heal I would scream. Well they were all right. Every year got easier..still missed...still cried but at some point through my healing I accepted that he was gone and that I needed to continue to live. 14 years have passed and I still miss my husband but I have a new life now. I raised my children, met a wonderful man and I am getting married again. I would never believe this would be life today because that pain absorbed all my emotions and my happiness but once the healing really began I learned how to live my life without him. Listen to me when I tell you to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling today. It is important that you do cry and you hurt because without those tears you will only bottle them away until years down the road and then instead of moving on ...you will be starting to grieve. I know it is painful but it does get better and you will look back one day down the road and realize you are moving ahead without him. My prayers are with you and if I can help you in anyway...don't hesitate to write to me. You will okay..I promise you that. I stood your shoes many years ago and I know exactly what your feeling...that's how I know your going to be alright. God Bless You