a little bit, but not having children i think it was something we both were aware might happen at some point. Of course, I thought we would be much older when one of us passed. I d o remember my first minor illness after my husband passed I was so miserable that he was not there to check in on me, even though I prefer to be alone when I don't feel well, but it was a very difficult moment. I wanted to be babied and he was not there. But as far as the long term part of it, I guess i would say I am aware of it but only way back in my mind.

I brought up this very issue with my therapist yesterday! We are alone, and we are vulnerable. What if we got hurt, or sick, etc?
She said that we would just take one day at a time, and rise to the occasion, and ask for the help we need, and get through it.
Youve survived the sudden death of your spouse...but you got through it.
I know you can get through anything that comes your way. One day at a time. I think we widows are a strong bunch when we have to be. Hugs.

I feel that way. A couple months ago I had a inner ear virus, which I couldn't even walk. Vertigo... 3 weeks into this, I couldn't get anyone to help me. At ALL... I got in my car, rolled down to a nurse practitioner she gave me a shot, called in prescriptions. Couldn't get anyone to get them for me. Finally, my son got them for me. I was down for about 6 weeks here. With no help at all. I survived it... Its a terrible feeling. I hope I am never in that situation... But my husband was never my caregiver when I was down. I have always had to fend for myself...Sandee

Strangely, I haven't been sick physically at all in the past 8 months that I can remember. You raise a good issue. Like most men, I can be a big baby when it comes to being sick and always wanted Juanita to take care of me. So I guess I will just keep refusing to get sick. The thought of me caring for myself is not even something I want to think about. I liked reading what kkg said, we just take it one day at a time. ~ Scott

I don't get sick very often and now here I am all by myself and battling a bad cold. It does make you feel very vulnerable. Then I make soup and I realize I have enough to feed an army. I hate being alone and not feeling well makes it more obvious.
I hope you feel better.
Hugs, Sandi

I gave thought to this very subject last weekend. I am alone for the first time in almost 28 years. My wife and I leaned on each other for anything and everything ( you know, in sickness and health and so forth).

We bought a new clothes dryer about a year ago. I had never used it and I went into a panic as I realized it was the first of many, many things I am going to have to figure out on my own. That led to me thinking about getting sick in the future and being alone. I forced myself to stop thinking about it as the thought process was becoming overwhelming. I decided to " cross that bridge " when I get to it. I have enough on my plate just looking around at her empty chair and everything else rocketing through my brain.

Yes, I still feel vulnerable - Can't fix things myself, need help with the car, can't reach things on the top shelf! and the illness thing is my biggest fear - What if I fall or get sick and no one finds me? Guess I will be in a big box, too! - It is the one thing I really do fear, and have not found a solution for. Keep the phone close! I miss my mate very very much, still after so many years. I've gotten used to the hole in my soul where he belongs -- but it never goes away. even after 30 years.

I felt that way at first. I had to get all my affairs in order for my kids. It ate at me until i had the will done and everything in my name. Now i don't feel vulnerable except getting on a ladder... i keep thinking what do i do if i fall. Silly, i never thought that when Larry was at work or out of town. As for getting sick, i have always been a pretty healthy person knock on wood. I guess the first time do get sick it may hit me. Hugs patti

This very thought slammed into me just a few days after my husband's death. We have two teen-age children and my fear was what would happen to them if something happened to me. I had my will, advance directive and other legal documents redone shortly thereafter and have talked openly with some dear friends about my concerns. It is hard to ask for and accept help, but I am getting better at it. Yes, I feel vulnerable. My backup, my support, the one who had my back is gone.

I haven't even thought about any major life-debilitating health issues.
Just the thought of getting a bad virus and now living all alone is enough of a nightmare for my wimpy self.
Who would bring me remedies and various other supplies for sick people?
hope I stay well for a while!
The grandkids were sick at Christmas, and my imagination went wild thinking "what if I get real sick with a cough & start throwing up etc?"
I better just stay well for a long while.

Yes, I feel vulnerable, too and I haven't even been sick. This kind of shaky, nervous feeling comes and goes. Maybe it's anxiety of the 'what ifs' and other unknowns. I was afraid to even drive for awhile after Dan passed in Sept. 'What if the car broke down, or I got a flat, or in an accident...' I guess I don't think about illness, because there is a part of me that doesn't care if I get sick and maybe die. What a horrible thing for me to think, when I have family left. Sorry about that.

Rainbow, Sorry I was a downer. Get well soon! It's good that you have girlfriends that are sweet enough to think of bringing you soup! Margie

Thank you all for the sharing. Don't feel so alone when I know other people have the same feelings and thoughts. Feeling better and getting out once again. Just have to remember to take life a day at a time. Hugs to you all,

Rainbow, I too feel the vulnerability of our widowhood. While my Swedeheart was alive i was so independent and sure of myself. Only after. I lost him did i realize he was the basis of my assurance and independence. I knew he had my back. I am taking baby steps trying to get my big girl attitude back, but it's hard.
In the meantime, I am so grateful to everyone here. I know we all have each others backs, at least emotionally and in spirit. Thanks and hugs to everyone here. ~ Bailey ~

I ware my husband jackets, P J, sock and whatever else makes me feel better. Some days I put his cologne on them and I feel safe for a little while.

I was just sick with the stomach flu and has to be taken out of the house by ambulance. I was totally terrified and the only person in the ER that didn't have family with them. My brohter and sister live about five minutes away and never showed up or tried to help me with my four year old or elderly mother who was also sick. Having family close doesn't mean that they will be there for you when it gets old. They have lives and dont want to get depressed by being around you during the bad times. Friends can be a little more understanding but you need to learn that the only person you can count on is YOU. I am having to learn this right now and it sucks.

I met my husband right before my 14th birthday and we made all our decisions together. Now I have been left with a small child and nobody to bounce ideas off. This sucks but for women like us I think it's better to depend only on yourself and if we meet someone later in life they will appreciate having a strong woman. I don't plan on meeting anyone or dating ever again. Not after what I just lost.