I'm sorry you are having these terrible feelings, but you are still in the "first year" and to me (after 6) it was by far the hardest. If you can try to take each day as it comes and be thankful for whatever blessings you see in your life, that will help. (Home, vehicle, pets, parents etc.) I had a 50 yr. marriage, so I am much older - but I am thankful for being able to drive (locally), see, and walk. I use a cane when I go out, because of poor balance -- but I'm thankful I can still go out. I have some widowed friends I eat out with on Sundays after church - that's on my blessing list also.

One member here used to end her posts with her gratitude list - and it could include a beautiful sunset, a new bloom on a plant - all of these are small things to be grateful for.

We all have suffered a traumatic loss; I lost my parents several yrs. before my husband. It is very hard to go through all this, and the only way we can do it is "one day at a time" I think. I have deep faith in God and I know that this sustained me through my husband's illness and death, and in the years since. I don't feel great and joyous every day, but I know that I am blessed in many ways.

The next time you begin to feel "morbid," tell yourself to find 3 (or you decide on a number) things to be grateful for. It helps me, and I hope this will benefit you a little each day.
Hugs - Doye

I did the same thing when my Mom died, then my Dad and then my husband. All I seemed to think about was death and everyone dying off. This must be another part of normal, it will pass with time. I don't think of it some much now.

I think we all experienced this. I know I did. My wife passed in sept of 2012 and my son and I went to last race of the nascar season in November of that same year. He thought it would be a good getaway for me. All I could do was watch the young couples and wonder which one of them would be the first to go. It's been well over 2 years since Donna left but I still sometimes think that. I guess it's what they say, death is a part of life.

... and myself I am in line to be next

Guess we both think the same way.. I haven't gone to realizing that everyone and everything I love is going to die on day, But it did hit me that 50% of all marriages will end like we have, with one partner being devastated and alone as we are.

Meant to say 50% of all married people will be left alone when their partner dies..

So deep, such a difficult conversation to have with yourself. How do we reconcile and accept such reality?

We live each day and love those that we can. We dismiss the people in our lives who make us unhappy and fretful. We search for the good, if we can and we keep the things and people very close to us who give us love without regard for self!!!!!

Roz

I have had so many losses in my life, beginning at age 17, that I really feel fortunate to have known very early on how things can change in the blink of an eye and you never know whether you'll see a loved one again, so each and every time I'm with my family, and every day that I had with my darling husband who passed away on October 29, 2014, I actually make sure that they know how much I love them, and even when mundane annoyances and petty things arise, at the end of the day, literally, we all know what's important and how much we mean to each other.

You can't go back in time (don't we all here wish we could!!) But you can find peace about the past as time goes on by focusing on the wonderful things your spouse brought to your life and you brought to his life, and that love is eternal.

I think the loss commonly brings the reality of death to our minds. If you can change the thought of death to the positive side of knowing that you have to live the most of every day, because we truly don't know what tomorrow will bring you will find your feelings bring you less pain. Like others have said, the first year is the hardest part. We need to mourn our loss before being able to get through this, but keep in the moment and don't lose today worrying about tomorrow as much as you can. Sharon

I'm amazed by the number of people that die every day. So many, and many so young. I never noticed. Cottage, if I'm reading the paper I'll read the obituaries and check out their ages.

Facing at the fact that eventually one partner will be left alone in any marriage( unless they do the "Thelma and Louise" thing) can motivate us to reach out to those we know who are recently widowed and offer the benefit of our understanding. That is something I am doing to try to turn a big negative into a small positive.

As a young girl growing up both my Grandfather's were widowers. My Grandmother's died right before I was born. They were both in their 40's. How sad. But, I never thought about it much. I didn't have Grandmother's and it just seemed normal.

I didn't think about my Grandfather's loss and no one ever talked about my Grandmother's and shared stories about their lives and who they were. It's as if they NEVER existed [I had 5 siblings], you'd think we should have known more, made these women's lives count for something!

So tragic to have lived such short lives, given birth to children and no one talks about you as if you never mattered and simply vanished!

Don't let that happen......I will talk about Morey to my grandchildren and share the story of our love. He'll live on and on through them.

Roz

It's still earliy days for you, so it's normal to be overwhelmed with the reality of losing. We had buried all 4 of our parents by the time I lost Cliff, so I didn't have the thoughts about parents, but I am aware that there is a good chance that I will be the last of the 6 siblings to die. I'm not looking forward to that. I try to love whoever is still here now and not worry too much about that. Isn't that really what the loss teaches us? To love the people you love now and not wait? If you spend all your time worrying about it, there is less of you to give.

Just my two cents on that.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

P.S. - @Roz, I only briefly knew one of my grandmothers, they were all dead before I came along. I have repeated their stories as they were handed down to me, that's the best I could do. I guess our grandfathers' generation felt it unmanly to discuss these things, so that may be why. Both of my grandmothers were second wives, and I don't think much was known or said about the first ones. It was a different time.

Thanks to everyone for their input. I think I may have overstated my feelings in this post. I don't feel morbid all the time but this whole event has made me stop and think. Roz & Martha, 3 out of 4 of my grandparents also died when I was very young so I don't remember them. I wasn't really close to the remaining one. I do try and be thankful for the family and friends in my life. PJ's philosophy was always live happy and treat each day as a gift. While it's still often hard to do that right now I keep trying. I am most definitely a work in progress! Liz

Hi Liz,
You're right this is morbid, but in that first year I did it, too. One afternoon in the first few months after my husband's death I toddled down to a beach bar and grill, where a small combo played.
The singer announced the 32nd anniversary of a couple in the crowd. I remember being so jealous that she still had her honey. I began crying and thought one day one of you will be in the corner crying. It didn't make me feel better.
I had to examine my beliefs. Where was my husband now? Did he just scatter to the winds like his ashes. Do I believe he is waiting for me or continued his spiritual journey?
When I came to peace with what I believe, my morbid thoughts stopped. The first year is the hardest. God bless.