I am now 4 months into losing my husband. He was everything to me. We were always together and did everything together. He died very suddenly of a massive heart attack. I have had every one of those feelings that you have. I cried almost constantly for at least three months. All I wanted to do was lay down and die. I put on a very brave face but inside every molecule of my body hurt because of the lose.

It is starting slowly to get better though. I refuse to live like this for the rest of my life. I'm 60 so I'm older than you but I could still have a few years of my life left. I'm not going to live it like I have been. I will never, ever forget my husband. We had a great life together but he would not like me to be this way. I want top leave a legacy for him and that does not include laying down and dying.

It will hurt for a long time but it is up to you what you do with your life. I'm sure that your girls would not like to see you hurting all the time either. Give yourself time to heal, but please heal; your husband and loved ones would want that for you.

My heart aches for you. Your story is so much the same as mine as my husband of 40 years died in much the same way 12 weeks ago tomorrow. He was only 62 and we had so much planned for our retirement together. My family and friends have been wonderful, but like you I miss my other half terribly. I sleep with his shirt wrapped in my arms every night. He was the love of my life. Blessings to you. Hugs! Betty

Dear Uniz,
I can identify with your 'lost' feeling. My husband of 57 years left one Sat. morning to help with a volunteer group to which he belonged. It was my morning to sleep in so we didn't even say 'good-bye'. Our son came to the door 2 hours later to say that Ken was in the hospital in a nearby city and we needed to get there asap. He had fallen off a ladder and fractured his skull. We were told there was no hope and so the family gathered around and watched him slowly slip away from us. I still can't believe it sometimes and that was Jan. 7, 2017. Since that time I have had to get through family birthdays and gatherings and our granddaughter is to be married on Sept. 3, 2017. I try very hard to present a strong image, even to the point of giving his eulogy and accepting a posthumous life award on his behalf, yet I still find it hard sometimes to believe that he is gone and that I am alone now. He had been told just in November that he was in perfect health and would live for many years to come. He lived another 6 weeks. My only consolation is that he is safe and happy with the God of his understanding and will never have to face a lingering death or any kind as his father did. It's been 6 months and while I still ache for his hugs and touch, I am starting to adjust to life alone. I don't like it one bit and yet I have no choice. I still hear him moving around the house sometimes and yet I know he is not here. The heart never forgets the sounds and feeling of one with whom I have lived and known for almost 61 years, even though we only spent 57 of them as a married couple. My prayers are with all of us who are trying to learn to live a different life alone.
Patricia

To all dear souls ~ I know how you feel. And there is a hope.

I've quit fighting the grief. I am in a mode of stare down, face -to-face, toe to toe, with death; and God will bring Heaven to me before I will give in. And you should know why I do this.

One day, I was visiting with another widow, and she sadly told that the only way she could cope with the pain of losing her husband was by reliving the times in which he became very upset and mean to her ( he had suffered from dementia during his last few years of life). Now, I didn't peer up at her with a raised brow when she said this - I just kept still and said nothing. She was right, as I figured; I'd already tried this pitiful approach myself while suffering my own disappoint. But getting through the changes in this way was so unfair to my loved one, who was overall a very good person to me. Yet, surprisingly, with her news, I already understood that this way did trick me as an easier way, yet I knew that it could only be for me as a temporary one. And, as you may also try it this way, if you place your mind to get really focused on anger or the state of being mad, at the dear departed, selfishly blaming for passing, even if it is to rest on in peace, then it really does seem to hurt less, which at some points any sort of relief is a welcome one. Yet, I can't do this. The best way for me is to put my dukes up and fight the misery, or even I may try to make friends with death. Any other way of dealing with my sadness, without a good battle, that is, is only deceiving myself. As I already tell, I will bring Heaven to me, as I know that my love lives there now.

I do believe there is life after death. And it does take much faith and spiritual power to see what's on the other side of the veil. Yet you can and have already seen for yourselves. For I know as well. I ask that God will identify the mysterious as I pray on each day that I live. I pray to know the best cure for loneliness. I refuse to feel tired all the time. I will not be bored. What is the truth, Dear God? Jesus answers, and He is the most powerful person in and out of this world, Whom I can turn to for such help, ever He will be. And He has answered many of my questions. I need these honest answers to live on each day. So when my feelings and thoughts don't match my faith, the universe steps down and I step up to Heaven for a mere "fix-it" God. There is no other way to get through this sad experience with death without the knowledge that comes through Jesus, our Christ.

God be with you all; you are each in my prayers. Much love.

Remiah

Feeling lost and alone is completely normal. I lost my Anne to sudden cardiac arrest just over a year ago. She was 53. I left her at our kitchen table watching the news to go have a beer in our Florida room. Came back 20 minutes later to find her on the floor. What I've been kicking around in my head for awhile is what's worse...Having them ripped from us... here one moment gone the next or watching them die alittle each day from illness or disease. I've come to the conclusion neither is worse than the other. They are just different. And they both suck!!

I have to disagree with your friends. They are correct it doesn't get better. But what it does get is easier over time. For me anyway. My good thoughts and best wishes out to you. We will survive. What choice do we have?

I also lost my dear husband very suddenly in January to a pulmonary embolism. We were married almost 35 years. I've never felt so lost and alone in my life. My family and friends could not be any better to me but I still feel like a part of me was ripped away. At six months of grief I find I do not sob for him every day but still break down nearly every day. The physical hurting in my chest has subsided but only recently. I've been told how brave I am so many times I could puke. It's not like we had any choice. I've only in the last few weeks had thoughts that I am certain he would want me to try and be happy. I just don't know how to accomplish happiness without him by my side.

So very sorry for your loss and pain. We are all in this awful boat together. Hugs to you.

So sorry for your loss, I feel like our situation is almost the same. My hubby was fit, worked out 5 days a week and ate good, he always worried about me since I did not work out and eat terrible. We were married 29 years- solid - never split up, just loved each other so much. I came home after a 12 hour shift and he was not waiting for me when the garage door went up and I immediately knew something was wrong. I lost him- i am so sad .... lonely. Everyone tells me how strong I am and how well i am doing but they do not know the dark moments that I deal with, I lost him 18 months ago and I am in so much pain. But I must go on - i have children that look to me for strength. My prayers are with you and everyone on this site that has lost a loved one, as I type this - my tears are rolling off my face- I just cannot handle this. Take care

Yes it is normal. I also disagree with your friends. We never get over this, but we learn to live with it. Things get easier in time. Hugs to you.

I'm so sorry for your lost. I lost my husband just 3 days ago to massive heart attack. He had just been discharged from hospital for infection in stomach due to complications of congestion heart failure. He was scheduled to have an Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator on the 24 of this month but God took him. He was diagnosed with only 20% of his heart working. Even so, him and I held on to the little hope we had of him being able to survive a few more years. He died at home. He called me from the bathroom for help and I ran to him and he outstretched his arm for me to hold him up as he felt himself ready to collapse. I tried so hard to help him from falling, I cried a kept telling him honey what's wrong. Honey what's wrong and in just a few seconds he collapsed onto the floor face down and died. The paramedics were called but it was too late. I am now in so much pain I walk around my now lonely house calling for him to come back! I want him back! We did everything together and were so very happy. He was my everything, my life, my other half, my best friend, the soft shoulder to lean on and he now gone! I never felt such pain. I pray and plead to be shown a sign that he is OK and for reassurance of seeing him one day again and get only silence. I'm heartbroken and cry all of the time. Him and I are both 65 and I now see no happiness in my future. We grew up together, then my family moved away. In 2004 we saw each other again, dated, fell in love and got married in 2007. How does one live through such pain and lost?

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost the love of my life in december 2017 to an aortic aneurysm it took the dr 17 hours to make the right diagnosis and he died at the 19th hour. I miss him with all my heart and soul. It is the absolute worst pain i have felt. Its so hard to wrap my mind around everything that happened. I just wish he could come home and i would be so happy. I know this is not going to happen. I get through each moment trying to attend to my daughter my health my goals etc. But my love is never forgoten. I feel as though having been in love with him for the very short 7 blessed years we were given is the best and most sustaining gift ive even be given. My heart goes out to you and im wishing you moments of peace and joy as you travel this unchosen path.

It will be two years this August 18th. I lost my wife of 21 years expectantly. Since then I have been thru many different emotions. Many different levels of making this journey. Met so many different people.
It's like this. There is absolutely no patent answer as to handling this. You have to accept that you will NOT get over it. You are not going to be the same person you were before. It's too much loss. Your world is not the same and want be. Half of you is gone. If you are Christian, then you know where your spouse is without a doubt. My wife is with the Lord. I have no doubt at all that she is in her new spiritual life. And when it's time, I will join her and others who have gone before me.
The one thing that has helped for me, is knowing that others have and are going thru this to. Your are not alone in these feelings. Reach out to others who have been where you are about to journey to. It is a journey and we all have a different path to travel that works for each one differently. That's why there is no patent answer because you have to find the path that works for you. But it doesn't mean go it alone. Reach out!! Keep letting yourself know that someone else is where you are and hurting and grieving and missing their loved one. And know we all have this one thing in common.
But don't push yourself, take your time. And remember that you don't get over this, you learn how to live with what has happened. It does get better but unfortunately it's a slow process.

Peace to all ,Tim

I lost my wife of 24 years this July 3rd. We had found out this past January that she had a very aggressive cancer. She chose not to do chemotherapy after she saw what her mother went through. All the way up to the middle of this June I was still under the false belief that we will get past this, the God would pull out a miracle. All I can say is that our prayers do not supersede his will.
We have four daughters and two granddaughters. Family and friends have offered open doors but no one calls or comes by. I understand that it's a tough situation and no words can be found.
I've been reading posts for the past week on several sites, they say that everyone Mourns differently and for different lengths of time. But the one commonality I see is that we have all lost someone that was our most significant piece of life.
Our futures completely change from the plans we've made for years,
Or should I say at this point I have no plans. I still have feelings that she's going to walk through the door. The few times I've managed to go to the store, something I never did without her, I start tearing up, and heaven forbid I see anyone we knew.
The need to talk is tremendous, but the answers all seem to be so generic. We were sent home from the hospital with hospice care 17 days before she passed. I rarely left the room, knowing what was coming I could not leave her. Our last conversation, she told me to be sure two "move on".
And I can't get my head around that, I promised her forever !

I am so sorry for your loss.......what a horrible shock that must have been. Yes, I think what you are feeling is normal. I hope that you will come back to this website often. It is a helpful and supportive place for widows and widowers.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and the encouragement you show even in your own grief. I am blessed by my girls who are supporting me through this difficult time. It is not easy but the hope of the journey being less taxing shows that the human spirit can love so deeply and still move forward into the future not to forget but to embrace what we have. Thank you and I hope that all of our stories will give others the strength to go on.