I know your feelings. I felt like I was a bit better than wham I am in shambles.
I lost my husband about 4 months ago. I feel like I am going through different stages of grief.
I feel ok when I am very busy then when it's over I am in pain again.
See your doctor for depression and anxiety. It helps me alot otherwise I would not be able to cope.
I wish you well and am truly sorry for your very personal loss.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. When my husband's birthday came on December 10 which was just six weeks after I lost him in October, I could barely stand the pain. I got out my favorite picture of him holding our dog as a puppy and just tried to mentally travel back in time to feel that moment that we shared five years earlier. Just a kind of mental escape. I hope you have some family or froends to share some good memories with on the day.

It is completely normal . Grieve is a coaster roller ride of ups and downs and you never know when the next wave of pain will come. As time goes , the waves will be further apart and not as intense but they will still come here and there . I think that is what will ensure that we will never forget, not that we could.

Wish our emotions had off switches don't we. This loss of a spouse is like no other life experience I have ever gone through. I would sit at this computer nearly every morning, hubby would be in the LR watching TV and come talk with me. I sit here now, everything looks and sounds the same, but my chest hurts, my arms are so heavy and the house is so very empty. I truely don't want to go on. From what I read 4 months is still new and feelings still are on a rollercoaster. Wish that ride would end don't we. So sorry for your and everyones loss..

Oh my, I wrote something almost word for word like your post around the same time in my journey. I am at 5+ months now and yes you will go through backslides from time to time. Triggers are everywhere and they trip us when we least expect them. We are both so new to this journey and it is a very tough one. I try to keep as busy as I can tolerate but it's hard. Empty is exactly the right word. I feel empty and some days still walk through the house saying this can't be real. I have been back to day 1 several times already others think I am doing fine, but it's just a mask I wear. I wish you gentle times on this awful road. Just roll with the waves. It's all you can do. Robyn

Thank you all for your advice and support! After reading some of the other posts I guess it gets easier with time.

Ashley . . . key words you wrote "it's only been four months". Remember that and be gentle with self. Four months is only a moment in time on this grief journey . . . It's not four months of bliss . . it's four months of grief. We don't heal in four months and we shouldn't expect to. Those that might think they are there will only come back around to testify that they did themselves an injustice by succumbing to denial about their reality.

Of course you are hurting . . totally normal. Don't question your feelings right now, don't over-analyze or compare your rational mind with your irrational mind or others. You are where you are, and it's totally okay.

Feeling empty? Again totally the norm. You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel any of the emotions you mentioned in your discussion post.

Just know that you are not insane . . . nor wrong in feeling your feelings and expressing them here. We are with you . . . beside you, in front and in back of you. We are here experiencing the same unfortunate grief.

I'm glad that you reached out and trusted we DS folks enough to express your vulnerable emotions. Give yourself a break and a pat on the back. You are on the right path to healing.

My sincerest condolences, thoughts and prayers coming your way. You are stronger than you think. xo, Dayna

DS has been so very helpful to me too as I navigate a journey I never imagined could be so dark. I am learning better after six months since my husband's passing that loss is so much a part of life and that it is in part what makes life so precious. I also ride the roller coaster, but what is easier now is that I know I am on one and not so surprised to find myself dangling upside down. The pain isn't diminished --and it is still sharp and overwhelming at times, but knowing that there will be some relief however small in some unexpected way is very helpful. The yearning to be with my husband doesn't really ease, but I am now more open to the possibilities of how "being with him" can happen even as we are separated by this physical plane. I am doing better overall than I once was, but I know that the "doing better" is fragile. I think inching forward is probably a better description.

Peace to all! And thank you...